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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ruined a wedding reception?

377 replies

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:29

Took on a weekend part-time bar job, needs must. I’m a single mum to teen DC who are fine to be left and I have a 9-5 in the week, so it made sense.

I’ve been working there 2 months now. It’s a large hotel that has wedding functions. I actually loved it at first, the buzz, having a crack and making conversation with people etc. Some of the other bar staff were similar age to me (late 30s) which was lovely as well.

The last month though, there’s been an influx of people leaving due to terrible working conditions. We are no longer getting tips due to ‘increased bills’, there’s a sexist new supervisor that insults us all in his own language (somebody used a translater on their phone to find out what he was saying to women under his breath all of the time, and it was vile), we aren’t allowed drinks on shift anymore (we used to be allowed to have drinks on draft, now that’s not allowed, we can only have water and the bars don’t even have a bloody sink so we have to leave the bar to walk across the hotel to a water machine, on 12 hour shifts), everybody is too scared to order staff food from the chef on breaks because he is also overworked and has a go at us for ordering food. It’s been awful but I was trying to stick it out.

We are very understaffed. I went in on Saturday, and found out that there were 2 weddings on in 2 different function rooms, and then a family party on in another room. Both weddings 200 people each, the family party 70 people. There were only 3 bar staff in the entire hotel, one for each function. We also have a main bar in the lobby but that was shut due to being understaffed. I had to manage a bar of 200 people completely alone. The managers left at 8pm, just as it was kicking off. Our bars shut at 2am so I knew I was in for it. The bar was always rammed with at least 6 people at any given time. By 11pm I craved the sweet release of death. I was dealing with sexual harassment from several different blokes, and had nobody to back me up. I kept getting shouted at for slow service, constant “For fucks sake love, how long does it take to pour a pint” (whilst I had 5 other drinks orders to do before him), people spending literally 10 minutes arguing about who’s paying for what round whilst other people shouted at me to serve them, people demanding free drinks “Oh I’m the best man don’t I get one?”, being called a “tight cow” for giving £5 in change in coins instead of a note. I couldn’t stand it. People who weren’t even part of the wedding kept wandering in as well angered that the lobby bar was closed, expecting to be served by me.

I than ran out of glasses, they’d all been used and nobody bothered bringing them back to the bar when they came to order again. That meant I had to leave the bar to go and collect some glasses, by the time I got back there were about 20 people at the bar, and I could only carry 8 glasses at a time so that’s all I had. First bloke ordered a beer, I go to pour and find the beer is empty. I announce I need to change the keg and that I’ll be right back, cue them all moaning at me.

I went to the basement to change the beers and then had a panic attack because I knew what I was in for when I got back. Insults and abuse. Then I had an epiphany. “I don’t have to do this. Nobody is forcing me to be here. I’m not their slave.” So I just went to the office to clock out and fucked off home (it was about 11:30pm at this point) where I spent the rest of the evening drinking wine and watching TV. I did feel slightly guilty that my actions my have ruined a wedding reception but then I didn’t care, it’s their own fault for being cunts to me. They weren’t a nice lot at all.

Woke up this morning to an incensed text from my manager. The other 2 bar staff in were too busy to notice my function had no bartender, so nobody covered me. Apparently didn’t take long for the bride and groom to notice they had no bar and they wandered the hotel for the rest of their wedding reception looking for a staff member (they couldn’t access the other 2 functions) to talk to. Eventually the poor girl at front desk got it which I feel awful about, I didn’t consider that. She was unable to serve them as had to be at the front desk, but she dealt with them screaming at her all night. The wedding party are fuming, have all left terrible reviews (I’ve read it and it’s full of personal insults about me) and are demanding a full refund from the hotel which will likely need to be granted. They were that busy trying to sort out the lack of bar they missed most of the dancing and food at their own wedding reception. I feel awful about my colleague at front desk but AIBU to think the wedding party deserved it and to not feel guilty about them. It goes without saying that I no longer have a job there, but it’s a relief. I also feel smug that the sexist supervisor had to clean up after them the next day. That typically would’ve been my job at 3am after the function.

OP posts:
HootyMcboob76 · 05/12/2022 09:15

OP you need to write a factual and true account of what happened in response to the bad reviews, and make it clear that the anger should not be directed towards YOU but to the management of the hotel who threw you under a bus. It is COMPLETELY the fault of the management not arranging staffing levels correctly. How on earth did they expect you to do about 5 people's jobs while simultaneously serving hundreds of guests?
The wedding party may be angry and they probably have a right to be, but not at YOU.
You are only human and there is only so much people can take.
COMPLETELY the hotels fault, and make sure you let them know this by laying out all the facts as you have done here.

People don't walk out of jobs where they have been treated well, supported and made to feel like a worthy employee who is respected.

Shesasuperfreak · 05/12/2022 09:18

There was no management for her to speak to!!!!

MajorCarolDanvers · 05/12/2022 09:19

BRAVO you did the right thing and none of this is your fault.

Good for you.

Mycatsgoldtooth · 05/12/2022 09:19

I did the same about 12 years ago in a busy London pub. Turned up and all
the other staff and the two managers were dressed up to go to an event (all friends of the managers). Expecting me and a glass collector to do a shift. Knew it would be hell. I took off my apron and quit. Spent the night getting threatening messages and calls from the landlord, but I knew if I’d stayed it would have been a night of abuse and chaos. I bet they never left their bar short of staff again. People expect you to suck up bad treatment when you work in hospitality, but they shouldn’t as it’s usually easy enough to pick up more work.

Aprilx · 05/12/2022 09:22

You didn’t ruin the wedding, the hotel management did that. I am surprised the guests didn’t just serve themselves from the bar that was left unmanned.

Peashoots · 05/12/2022 09:24

Agreed with PPs- it wasn’t you who ruined their wedding, it was hotel policies and management. Good for you- I don’t know if I’d have lasted as long as you did!

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 09:27

Aprilx · 05/12/2022 09:22

You didn’t ruin the wedding, the hotel management did that. I am surprised the guests didn’t just serve themselves from the bar that was left unmanned.

The OP says she pulled shutter down and locked it when she went to change the barrel.

I originally had visions of a bunch of rowdy already-pissed wedding guests getting into that bar area somehow, so I suppose we should all be relieved that they didn't go that far - but many would have done, if the B&G had paid £thousands for a wedding party.

Anyway, apparently it didn't happen.

BloodAndFire · 05/12/2022 09:28

She locked the bar and put the shutters down
This has been said several times

Couldyounot · 05/12/2022 09:29

Well done, OP. I hope you're not going to go back to this job?

Dragonella · 05/12/2022 09:31

I was on a works course at a Best Western in Altrincham and woke up at 1 in the morning to sounds of sex next room.. Went on most of night... Turns out Night Manager had let the room to prostitute to ply her trade

DdraigGoch · 05/12/2022 09:33

Tulipomania · 05/12/2022 08:10

Lack of staff is due to Brexit.

Exacerbated by poor management. Your response was completely understandable OP.

No, lack of staff is due to exploitative employers. The fact that there is no longer a ready pool of cheap labour to take advantage of is no bad thing. It's time that they started paying their staff a living wage.

BabyFour2023 · 05/12/2022 09:36

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 00:44

No duty manager?

You just walked away from the bar full of spirits and wines?

You walked away from a full till?

Crikey.

This! Jesus Christ. I hope the bride & groom get a full refund. Not that it’ll make up for the fact their 1 wedding day was ruined by a shit venue.

Cornelious · 05/12/2022 09:38

I'd have walked too, but tbh I don't think I'd have agreed to cover a 200 person wedding party on my own without even a glass collector. Really poor from management and if I was the B/G I'd be raging and demanding compensation.

Pondere · 05/12/2022 09:38

I don’t blame you at all for reaching breaking point and not wanting to work anymore. Completely reasonable response to what you had to dealt with.

But I do think it was shitty to go home without telling a single colleague. Even a text to the duty manager or a mention to the receptionist would have been enough and the adult thing to do.

WeepingSomnambulist · 05/12/2022 09:39

Do you have a good local paper?

If you're a half decent writer, you could write an opinion piece about the local hotel, the way it is run with so few staff, lack of legally required breaks and the abuse from customers. Make it clear that you dont blame the customers for being frustrated (to keep people on your side) but do be clear about the abuse you receive due to the way the hotel choose to staff the bar and how unsafe it actually was for you and what it finally lead to; you walking out of a shift.

It could be an interesting story and might make the hotel and the guests think again.

Rottenapples · 05/12/2022 09:40

It’s a win win win situation.

You put your foot down at appalling treatment from your employer, well done.

The bride and groom had hours of functioning bar at the wedding and then got a full/partial refund to compensate for the rest.

The terrible reviews will warn other customers and are well deserved. The venue has also lost money for treating their staff terribly.

The only loser of course is your colleague at the front desk. Find a way to apologise to her and forget the rest.

WeepingSomnambulist · 05/12/2022 09:41

BabyFour2023 · 05/12/2022 09:36

This! Jesus Christ. I hope the bride & groom get a full refund. Not that it’ll make up for the fact their 1 wedding day was ruined by a shit venue.

Exactly. A shit venue. Not the OP. The venue.

They left her alone with 200 people, most of whom were going to be drunk which leads to aggression towards bar staff. They left her alone. Not even a glass collector. Just her.

The OP was not safe. And that was because of the venue, she shouldn't be taking any blame here.

Bywayofanupdate · 05/12/2022 09:42

Management were unreasonable to leave at 8pm knowing that you were understaffed. Don't let them put this on you.

WeepingSomnambulist · 05/12/2022 09:43

Also, they really shouldn't have lost more than half an hour of bar service.

The front desk calls the duty manager and the duty manager takes over the bar.

The fact that the duty manager doesnt bother to actually turn up at work is again, not the OP's fault.

Butchyrestingface · 05/12/2022 09:46

I expect to be reading about this in the Mail/Sun etc anon.

I feel sorry for the poor receptionist. OP got to fuck off home but it sounds like the receptionist had to face the music instead.

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 09:46

WeepingSomnambulist · 05/12/2022 09:43

Also, they really shouldn't have lost more than half an hour of bar service.

The front desk calls the duty manager and the duty manager takes over the bar.

The fact that the duty manager doesnt bother to actually turn up at work is again, not the OP's fault.

Good question - why didn't the Receptionist contact the Duty Manager as a matter of urgency the minute she became aware?

Soakitup37 · 05/12/2022 09:49

YANBU! Not to blame not by a long shot. I would name and shame the venue!

Jewelanemone · 05/12/2022 09:51

BabyFour2023 · 05/12/2022 09:36

This! Jesus Christ. I hope the bride & groom get a full refund. Not that it’ll make up for the fact their 1 wedding day was ruined by a shit venue.

Don't people read the bloody thread?

SHE CLOSED THE SHUTTERS ON THE BAR AND LOCKED THE BAR DOOR WHEN SHE LEFT TO CHANGE THE BARREL!

How many more times does this have to be repeated?

NormalNans · 05/12/2022 09:56

I’m reporting my own post here to PLEASE, for the love of god - MNHQ can you amend the title to include the information that she pulled the bloody shutters down first!

piedbeauty · 05/12/2022 09:57

Your manager is a right dick for walking out and leaving it all to you.

I'd leave a review on Glass Door and look for a new job.