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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ruined a wedding reception?

377 replies

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:29

Took on a weekend part-time bar job, needs must. I’m a single mum to teen DC who are fine to be left and I have a 9-5 in the week, so it made sense.

I’ve been working there 2 months now. It’s a large hotel that has wedding functions. I actually loved it at first, the buzz, having a crack and making conversation with people etc. Some of the other bar staff were similar age to me (late 30s) which was lovely as well.

The last month though, there’s been an influx of people leaving due to terrible working conditions. We are no longer getting tips due to ‘increased bills’, there’s a sexist new supervisor that insults us all in his own language (somebody used a translater on their phone to find out what he was saying to women under his breath all of the time, and it was vile), we aren’t allowed drinks on shift anymore (we used to be allowed to have drinks on draft, now that’s not allowed, we can only have water and the bars don’t even have a bloody sink so we have to leave the bar to walk across the hotel to a water machine, on 12 hour shifts), everybody is too scared to order staff food from the chef on breaks because he is also overworked and has a go at us for ordering food. It’s been awful but I was trying to stick it out.

We are very understaffed. I went in on Saturday, and found out that there were 2 weddings on in 2 different function rooms, and then a family party on in another room. Both weddings 200 people each, the family party 70 people. There were only 3 bar staff in the entire hotel, one for each function. We also have a main bar in the lobby but that was shut due to being understaffed. I had to manage a bar of 200 people completely alone. The managers left at 8pm, just as it was kicking off. Our bars shut at 2am so I knew I was in for it. The bar was always rammed with at least 6 people at any given time. By 11pm I craved the sweet release of death. I was dealing with sexual harassment from several different blokes, and had nobody to back me up. I kept getting shouted at for slow service, constant “For fucks sake love, how long does it take to pour a pint” (whilst I had 5 other drinks orders to do before him), people spending literally 10 minutes arguing about who’s paying for what round whilst other people shouted at me to serve them, people demanding free drinks “Oh I’m the best man don’t I get one?”, being called a “tight cow” for giving £5 in change in coins instead of a note. I couldn’t stand it. People who weren’t even part of the wedding kept wandering in as well angered that the lobby bar was closed, expecting to be served by me.

I than ran out of glasses, they’d all been used and nobody bothered bringing them back to the bar when they came to order again. That meant I had to leave the bar to go and collect some glasses, by the time I got back there were about 20 people at the bar, and I could only carry 8 glasses at a time so that’s all I had. First bloke ordered a beer, I go to pour and find the beer is empty. I announce I need to change the keg and that I’ll be right back, cue them all moaning at me.

I went to the basement to change the beers and then had a panic attack because I knew what I was in for when I got back. Insults and abuse. Then I had an epiphany. “I don’t have to do this. Nobody is forcing me to be here. I’m not their slave.” So I just went to the office to clock out and fucked off home (it was about 11:30pm at this point) where I spent the rest of the evening drinking wine and watching TV. I did feel slightly guilty that my actions my have ruined a wedding reception but then I didn’t care, it’s their own fault for being cunts to me. They weren’t a nice lot at all.

Woke up this morning to an incensed text from my manager. The other 2 bar staff in were too busy to notice my function had no bartender, so nobody covered me. Apparently didn’t take long for the bride and groom to notice they had no bar and they wandered the hotel for the rest of their wedding reception looking for a staff member (they couldn’t access the other 2 functions) to talk to. Eventually the poor girl at front desk got it which I feel awful about, I didn’t consider that. She was unable to serve them as had to be at the front desk, but she dealt with them screaming at her all night. The wedding party are fuming, have all left terrible reviews (I’ve read it and it’s full of personal insults about me) and are demanding a full refund from the hotel which will likely need to be granted. They were that busy trying to sort out the lack of bar they missed most of the dancing and food at their own wedding reception. I feel awful about my colleague at front desk but AIBU to think the wedding party deserved it and to not feel guilty about them. It goes without saying that I no longer have a job there, but it’s a relief. I also feel smug that the sexist supervisor had to clean up after them the next day. That typically would’ve been my job at 3am after the function.

OP posts:
Sonyrecording · 05/12/2022 08:20

drpet49 · 05/12/2022 07:16

This. Let’s hope it wasn’t robbed as I imagine OP will be liable.

RTFT - she locked the bar up.

IAmTi · 05/12/2022 08:21

OP. I am sorry this happened to you. Depending on if you need job seekers allowance I would either resign before they fire you or tell them you understand if they need to fire you.

Get yourself out of there.

Georgeskitchen · 05/12/2022 08:23

Well.done you. I can't see the management trying to make you reimburse any costs as they broke every health and safety rule in the book. In fact you should repeat the sleazebag manager for sexual harassment.
This is one of the reasons why the hospitality industry is desperate for staff because they treat them like shit

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 08:28

I understand that the customers don’t owe me anything, that I’m there to do a job but there’s no need to be abusive. If I was the bride or groom I’d have been cheesed off to see one bartender too, but if anything that would’ve made me be even nicer to the bartender, and I would actively stamp out any abuse from my guests, to prevent a situation like the one that occured.

There’s no excuse. I’ve had lovely guests before. Had a bride come in at 11am before the wedding to the front bar, she then noticed me again at her function bar at 11pm. She asked if I’d had a break, I said I hadn’t and that I’d likely be working a further 2+ hours. She was horrified, and before I knew it she was bringing me a spread of food from her buffet and brought me a soft drink on her (because we aren’t allowed them as staff). She said if I wanted another one to just ask. I didn’t of course, but the principal was lovely. She got her guests to leave nice tips as well. I’m not saying I expect that all the time, but I’m saying I’d have stuck it out on Saturday if I wasn’t being abused.

OP posts:
BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 08:31

I actually felt unsafe. Our prices in the hotel are high and at one point some of the males got it in to their heads that I, personally, was ripping them off by overcharging and pocketing the surplus for myself. One of them came shouting “Oi, love! You’ve ripped us off!” and it was a relief when he got distracted by some dancing starting.

OP posts:
Axolotlquestions · 05/12/2022 08:32

Well done for walking out. I'd have done so much earlier. The managers/venue need to take the flak for appalling management.

Chocolateyshakes · 05/12/2022 08:36

I think your managers are the ones who ruined the wedding reception, not you. If they knew they were understaffed they should have stayed to support their team members.

I probably would have done the same as no amount of aggro is worth getting that sort of abuse.

MichaelFabricantWig · 05/12/2022 08:40

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 00:44

No duty manager?

You just walked away from the bar full of spirits and wines?

You walked away from a full till?

Crikey.

Why is this the OP’s problem?

it’s a part time bar job to bolster her income and she was being treated like shit.

YANBU at all OP. Fuck the wedding party and fuck the managers. It’s awful your colleague was treated like shit as well but also not your responsibility.

Lalliella · 05/12/2022 08:41

How on earth did you stick it out till 11:30? What a horrendous experience, kudos to you for walking out. The hotel were probably making an absolute fortune out of your misery. Bastards. You should do what PP said and report them for breach of fire regs. Also it sounds like the B&G deserve to have their wedding reception ruined. Well done you! Sorry about your panic attack though, hope you feel ok now Flowers

1983Louise · 05/12/2022 08:42

Good for you, sounds like it could have been unsafe for you as the guests became more drunk. You were paid to do a specific job not run the venue. This is a perfect example of people having crap heaped on them and why the country is in a mess with all the strikes.

figmaofmyimagination · 05/12/2022 08:42

I don’t think you acted unreasonably actually. You were on your own, being verbally abused, you felt unsafe and there was no-one else to escalate it to or get support from. There were no “good” solutions at that point.

The guests treating you so poorly should be ashamed. The hotel management should be fired.

Thesearmsofmine · 05/12/2022 08:42

YANBU OP, the hotel is to blame here, they didn’t provide the service the B&G had paid for and that is on them, not you.

MichaelFabricantWig · 05/12/2022 08:43

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 05/12/2022 01:19

OP I would leave a review reply on their site, giving your point of view, and basically re-posting your OP, so those people in the wedding party have your side, will know it was not your fault, and they and potential customers will see that there is a serious management issue. They (the reviewers and wedding party) deserve to know the truth, and you have the right to clear your conscience by telling the truth.

Why would the OP give a fig what they think though? They’re just a bunch of pisshead nobodies.

WhatTheHellIsAQuasar · 05/12/2022 08:44

if your guests were so bad why didn’t you swap with the huge bloke and let him cover your bar to restore order?

stuntbubbles · 05/12/2022 08:46

WhatTheHellIsAQuasar · 05/12/2022 08:44

if your guests were so bad why didn’t you swap with the huge bloke and let him cover your bar to restore order?

Not the OP’s call to make, management should have been there to swap staff around. And there was zero reason for her to stay, plus absolutely no reason to believe the other bar/wedding would be any better.

BringMeTea · 05/12/2022 08:49

Well done OP. Be proud that you valued yourself. 💪

ZenNudist · 05/12/2022 08:49

I don't blame you. That said. You could have done your job and collected glasses and washed them. Rank to do otherwise. When people screamed at you you could have said. Please go and complain to the front desk because I am on my own and going as fast as I can. Then "if you are going to scream at me/ insult me I will not serve you". Or told the duty manager that you couldn't cope.

Ridiculous to leave you on your own. I think in your shoes I would have refused to do the shift alone.

Report them to the food hygiene people and trading standards and anyone else you can think of. Your MP? You were not in a safe working environment. I'd call head office and say this is unacceptable. Name and shame. You aren't at fault.

FerretInAFrock · 05/12/2022 08:51

You had shit coming at you from both ends - the wedding guests and the management, you did the best you could under the circumstances but it broke you.

So much illegality and bad practice - staff under 18 serving drinks, staff working more that statutory 12 hours, lack of duty manager, lack of appropriate staffing levels, withholding tips, management being verbally abusive.

You’ll be scapegoated for this but it wasn’t your fault at all.

Tipsyturvychocolatemonster · 05/12/2022 08:53

So they fired you? I hope you find another job quickly x

LunaTheCat · 05/12/2022 08:53

I really admire you OP! Good for you not putting up with shit like that… both from management and guests.
I hope you find anew job soon and people treat you with much more respect! Jo

RudsyFarmer · 05/12/2022 08:56

I think you’ve probably protected yourself by leaning. The whole thing sounds unsafe!

Mirabai · 05/12/2022 09:01

Good for you OP. I wouldn’t have stuck it out that long.

foggydaysun · 05/12/2022 09:12

YANBU!

This is entirely on management.

They deserve those bad reviews.

Bananarama21 · 05/12/2022 09:12

I would have done the same op. Your entitled to work in a safe environment. This wasn't safe and and the potential to escalate especially if they are heavy drinkers. You removed yourself for your own safety.

BirdyWoof · 05/12/2022 09:12

I’ve a number of years in hospitality under my belt. Worse conditions than what you’ve described as well. It’s an industry I’d never go back to. So I totally understand how you feel and the situations that were at play here.

You were absolutely right to pack the job in but wrong to literally just up and leave. You should have made an effort to speak to a member of management, and failing that another member of staff, before just leaving. I would have stuck it out til the bar closed and then just left and not cleaned up, personally.

But I get why you did it. I had plenty of shifts where I just wanted to tell my horrendous, sexist managers to fucking do one and walk out the door.

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