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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum's boyfriend kicking her out of their home after 24 years

383 replies

heathspeedwell · 04/12/2022 19:44

Just found out that my mum's partner has sold their house and is kicking her out. She doesn't know yet.

They aren't married but she invested £25k into their first home, which they bought for £125k. Her name has never been on the deeds.

They have moved house four times and their current home is worth maybe £800k. She's done loads of DIY and they have also had lodgers that she has done the work for. She paid £30k for the kitchen last year.

My mum's boyfriend's son (whom I have thought of as a stepbrother) has said that his dad plans to give my mum back the £25k from their first house. We are both shocked that his dad is being so mean.

Although they are not married I can't believe that he can get away with just giving her the £25k. If she can prove she bought the kitchen does that give her any rights at all?

Hoping that someone can give me advice on what my mum should do. Is it better if she stays in the house until they reach a fair settlement or is she better to get away as soon as possible?

OP posts:
abblie · 04/12/2022 20:51

heathspeedwell · 04/12/2022 19:51

I think all the paper work would have been in his name, but she can easily prove she has paid for things like the recent kitchen.

Doesn't matter about I watch legal queen on Instagram and shebtalks about this situation a lot if she bank statements showing she has paid etc she is entitled to more than £25,000

MichelleScarn · 04/12/2022 20:52

Why is she vulnerable because she's not had to pay rent or a mortgage for 24 years?

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 04/12/2022 20:54

heathspeedwell · 04/12/2022 19:51

I think all the paper work would have been in his name, but she can easily prove she has paid for things like the recent kitchen.

Otherwise, rip out the kitchen when he's not there! Bastard.

Whataretheodds · 04/12/2022 20:55

Absolutely tell her now! Why would you keep this from her. And make sure she sees a lawyer tomorrow morning but doesn't move out of the house yet.

Did she know the relationship was over?

UmbrellaLegs · 04/12/2022 20:55

and people come on here and ask what benefits there are in getting married.

LexMitior · 04/12/2022 20:55

Yes it might be a nice touch to have the kitchen removed before departure

Onthecuspofabreakthrough · 04/12/2022 21:01

How has he actually managed to sell the house without her knowing? She must know they are splitting up (coming alone at Christmas) at the very least.
You can sell fitted kitchens, can't you?

gonnabeok · 04/12/2022 21:01

It's a bit of a minefield Tell her to look up Part 8 claim. I split up with a long term partner who refused to sell the house. I took it to county court. I got money towards the renovations I paid for and the deposit back that I put in, everything after was 50/50. She'll need proof of what she's paid towards and proof of the deposit, and any rent/ mortgage she's paid. I did the paperwork myself and used a direct access barrister who specialised in property claims. I'd tell her to stay put until it's sorted as long as it's safe, but definitely get legal advice asap.

TooTrusting · 04/12/2022 21:02

Section 13 of ToLATA gives her the right to carry on living there if she can prove a trust (which I believe she can, although I'd need to know more to advise on it's likely extent), if the purpose of the trust was to provide a home (which it obviously was). That right continues until her interest has been agreed or determined by the court.

The claim to an interest in the house is what allows her to register the restriction at Land Registry. LR just need to know that she's been advised she has a beneficial interest, the basic facts and that a letter before claim has been sent and there is an intention to issue a court claim under ToLATA if no agreement is reached.

I have a lot of experience in ToLATA claims and have practiced family law for 25 years. Please do not listen to unqualified PPs saying she has no claim. The fact that he paid the mortgage is just one piece of the jigsaw. It doesn't defeat her claim (but may well reduce it).

MadelineUsher · 04/12/2022 21:03

She needs to get a caveat on it via a lawyer, swiftly. Also, best to stay put. Once he gets her out she has less power. Horrible situation.

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 04/12/2022 21:05

heathspeedwell · 04/12/2022 19:55

She was resolutely against marriage and has always said one divorce was enough.

Jesus. Here we go again.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 04/12/2022 21:05

abblie · 04/12/2022 20:51

Doesn't matter about I watch legal queen on Instagram and shebtalks about this situation a lot if she bank statements showing she has paid etc she is entitled to more than £25,000

Show quote history

I take it you're not a lawyer. Please don't give legal advice if you're not qualified to do so.

I am not a lawyer either. The legal action suggested here sounds complicated and therefore potentially expensive. Breaking up after a quarter of a century is going to be painful. Going into a long nasty argument about money is not going to make things any better.

Would I be right in thinking a relatively good outcome here would be for the scumbag to pay OP's mother off with more than £25k just to get the whole thing settled and to avoid delay to the sale?

Original poster
heathspeedwell · 04/12/2022 21:06

Thank you everyone. I know they had ups and downs but she has spent the last five years looking after him as he has had three operations and been quite unwell.

OP posts:
chercez · 04/12/2022 21:09

Do you mind me asking how old your mum is @heathspeedwell. What a nightmare this is going to be for her.

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/12/2022 21:11

She must see a solicitor urgently. She can register an interest in the property in the first instance. Unmarried she has very little in the way of rights. She must not leave. What an awful situation to be in. Please please get her to a good lawyer asap.

knittingaddict · 04/12/2022 21:11

bellac11 · 04/12/2022 20:01

Its nothing to do with her being unmarried. Its because she didnt buy the house with him, he bought it and he owns it and he is on the deeds. If she was on the deeds as a proportion of ownership then she would have a claim on the house

As it is she will have to prove she paid out for the things she did

Show quote history

Of course marriage is important here. My daughter was married but not on the deeds or mortgage. She received 70% of the equity in the divorce. She wouldnt have got that if they hadn't been married. People seriously underestimate the importance of marriage.

bellac11 · 04/12/2022 21:14

knittingaddict · 04/12/2022 21:11

Of course marriage is important here. My daughter was married but not on the deeds or mortgage. She received 70% of the equity in the divorce. She wouldnt have got that if they hadn't been married. People seriously underestimate the importance of marriage.

Show quote history

You're misunderstanding what I and others are saying

You dont have to be married to protect your financial interests. Be married if you want to, but your number one responsiblity is to ensure that you protect your financial interests in the very thing you are purchasing. Why on earth someone wouldnt be on the deeds of a house they buy with someone I have no idea.

The OPs mother didnt have to be married but she certainly should have protected her interests when they bought the property together.

MichelleScarn · 04/12/2022 21:16

I still don't get the not paying towards rent/mortgage for 24 years and that's all fine, but not think entitled to half house value!

MichelleScarn · 04/12/2022 21:17

Now think, not not think!

LexMitior · 04/12/2022 21:21

Btw it's not that awful. She hasn't had to pay rent for 24 years!

Anyway her ex boyfriend sounds like a smart man, as well as something of a shit. Selling a house from under your partner is really shitty.

knittingaddict · 04/12/2022 21:22

bellac11 · 04/12/2022 21:14

You're misunderstanding what I and others are saying

You dont have to be married to protect your financial interests. Be married if you want to, but your number one responsiblity is to ensure that you protect your financial interests in the very thing you are purchasing. Why on earth someone wouldnt be on the deeds of a house they buy with someone I have no idea.

The OPs mother didnt have to be married but she certainly should have protected her interests when they bought the property together.

Show quote history

I absolutely agree with all of that.

BMW6 · 04/12/2022 21:24

But she hasn't been paying any of the mortgage for 25 years, did she pay for all the food? Utilities?
Was she working all those years?

She may have had quite a good deal!

VejaVagVagina · 04/12/2022 21:25

Ivyblu · 04/12/2022 19:49

Oh deal. Your mum should of got married especially if she was the one to be giving up her home!

No, she should have written up a contract regarding the house!

Curtaintwitcher72 · 04/12/2022 21:26

heathspeedwell · 04/12/2022 19:50

I agree she needs to see a solicitor but it's staggering to think that he can sell her home from under her feet when she has invested so much time and money into it. She got together with him at a time when she was quite vulnerable, and we all thought he was lovely.

It might be her home but legally it's not her house.

LexMitior · 04/12/2022 21:26

Seriously you can't claim for the number of baked beans bought during a relationship. She may have had a pretty good deal financially, though he's an epic shit for not telling her