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Original poster

Mum's boyfriend kicking her out of their home after 24 years

383 replies

heathspeedwell · 04/12/2022 19:44

Just found out that my mum's partner has sold their house and is kicking her out. She doesn't know yet.

They aren't married but she invested £25k into their first home, which they bought for £125k. Her name has never been on the deeds.

They have moved house four times and their current home is worth maybe £800k. She's done loads of DIY and they have also had lodgers that she has done the work for. She paid £30k for the kitchen last year.

My mum's boyfriend's son (whom I have thought of as a stepbrother) has said that his dad plans to give my mum back the £25k from their first house. We are both shocked that his dad is being so mean.

Although they are not married I can't believe that he can get away with just giving her the £25k. If she can prove she bought the kitchen does that give her any rights at all?

Hoping that someone can give me advice on what my mum should do. Is it better if she stays in the house until they reach a fair settlement or is she better to get away as soon as possible?

OP posts:
thepenismightier · 04/12/2022 20:21

OP, I'm really sorry. Your mum deserves far, far more than that - but she chose not to get married, so she is the one who chose to put herself in this situation.

MN ought to have a neon sign as its tagline warning women to get themselves legally covered (i.e. married) if they are proposing to invest their money in a man and his property.

SuspiciousHedgehog · 04/12/2022 20:22

@heathspeedwell not 100% sure but I think it's better she stays there until she's had legal advice. I also think you should tell her and she should try to play dumb with partner, blindside him a bit. Ring her, if she finds out you knew, and didn't immediately tell her she might be hurt, I would.

LadyHarmby · 04/12/2022 20:23

thepenismightier · 04/12/2022 20:21

OP, I'm really sorry. Your mum deserves far, far more than that - but she chose not to get married, so she is the one who chose to put herself in this situation.

MN ought to have a neon sign as its tagline warning women to get themselves legally covered (i.e. married) if they are proposing to invest their money in a man and his property.

It’s not to do with getting married, it’s about getting your name on the deeds.

MichelleScarn · 04/12/2022 20:23

Ihatethenewlook · 04/12/2022 20:10

Yes. This is for people who are unmarried and have no cohabitation agreements in place. They need to draw up a deed of separation contract to decide how the house value is to be divided, and what their future living arrangements will be.

Show quote history

But do they not have to show linked finances? Ops not on the mortgage so not linked?

Wonnle · 04/12/2022 20:23

Thing is do you believe his son ?

It might not even be true that the house has been sold

SuspiciousHedgehog · 04/12/2022 20:24

Your mum should start to collect any evidence of money spent on home improvements. Bank statements, receipts, photos of her work.

Sparklypant · 04/12/2022 20:24

I don’t think she’s any chance op; they are married and he paid the mortgage so she lived rent free for decades, irrelevant of her contributions.

it’s very sad she didn’t get married or put her name on the deeds, she needs to see a lawyer but she’s no legal right to the house, I’m sorry, but that’s the deal she accepted.

Managinggenzoclock · 04/12/2022 20:24

Wonnle · 04/12/2022 20:23

Thing is do you believe his son ?

It might not even be true that the house has been sold

Even if it’s not true getting on the deeds is incredibly important.

WednesdayFridayAddams · 04/12/2022 20:25

heathspeedwell · 04/12/2022 19:50

I agree she needs to see a solicitor but it's staggering to think that he can sell her home from under her feet when she has invested so much time and money into it. She got together with him at a time when she was quite vulnerable, and we all thought he was lovely.

This happened to DM.
They we’re engaged, she sold her house and sank money into home improvements. Obviously didn’t keep receipts for improvements.
She lost everything despite going through solicitors. He lied about everything and even denied they were ever engaged.

QuitMoaning · 04/12/2022 20:26

If her name is not on the deeds, then she might be classed as a sitting tenant and therefore would need evicting through the courts. Makes it very difficult to sell.
I am sure we had to get my adult son to sign a document giving up his rights to the property when we remortgaged.

Bemyclementine · 04/12/2022 20:26

I did training on this issue last week and will check the notes tomorrow and get back to you. Tell her not to move out. Is the house actually sold? Or for sale? Or in the process? I'm pretty sure she can register her interest with land registry which means he can't sell it from under her. I'll confirm tomorrow.

chercez · 04/12/2022 20:27

SuspiciousHedgehog · 04/12/2022 20:22

@heathspeedwell not 100% sure but I think it's better she stays there until she's had legal advice. I also think you should tell her and she should try to play dumb with partner, blindside him a bit. Ring her, if she finds out you knew, and didn't immediately tell her she might be hurt, I would.

I completely agree with this. If you mum found out that you already knew it would be devastating for her if you don't tell her. I agree that she mustn't leave the house and to get legal advice. You need to tell you mum what you already know as soon as possible. I appreciate that it is not going to be an easy conversation.

I'm so sorry that this is happening, do you know why your mums partner is doing this?

thepenismightier · 04/12/2022 20:27

LadyHarmby · 04/12/2022 20:23

It’s not to do with getting married, it’s about getting your name on the deeds.

Show quote history

Yes, one could do that too. But if you get married, it solves every single financial problem at one fell swoop in the case of separation/divorce/death. I couldn't have given a shiny shit about a wedding (didn't have one, and the day went completely unmarked), but getting married was the single best thing I ever did from the pov of leaving an abusive husband. If we hadn't been married, I would have been completely fucked.

Managinggenzoclock · 04/12/2022 20:27

SOLICITOR!!!
please OP. Do not rest until she has seen a solicitor tomorrow. She obviously is incredibly unsavvy so she may need your support, especially if she needs to make wise decisions at the same time as a sudden breakdown of a very long term relationship.

Tinseltosser · 04/12/2022 20:27

If you are in a vulnerable financial position and don't own assets then marriage is essential.

Ironically enough, if you already have more savings/assets in your name alone I'd advise against getting married.

EmmaAgain22 · 04/12/2022 20:28

Sparklypant · 04/12/2022 20:24

I don’t think she’s any chance op; they are married and he paid the mortgage so she lived rent free for decades, irrelevant of her contributions.

it’s very sad she didn’t get married or put her name on the deeds, she needs to see a lawyer but she’s no legal right to the house, I’m sorry, but that’s the deal she accepted.

Hopefully the plus is big savings from not having rent or mortgage.

but why hasn't he told her? Could his son just be shit stirring?

millymollymoomoo · 04/12/2022 20:28

She chose not to marry
is not in the deeds
Has not contributed to mortgage

its his house
she will have to try to prove beneficial interest

she doesn’t have many ‘rights’ here

musingsinmidlife · 04/12/2022 20:29

It sounds like she had free accommodations for 25 years. Pretty sweet deal on her end actually. I am not sure the kitchen would be more than rent / mortgage payments for 25 years.

She should get back her 25K but the rest might be cost of living.

She needs legal advice for sure.

LexMitior · 04/12/2022 20:30

Zero chance- name on the deeds or get married. A good solicitor will tell you that upfront, don't waste money getting legal advice.

Blossomtoes · 04/12/2022 20:30

LadyHarmby · 04/12/2022 20:23

It’s not to do with getting married, it’s about getting your name on the deeds.

Show quote history

It’s everything to do with being married. That insignificant piece of paper - or the lack of it - has just cost her around £375k. .

EmmaAgain22 · 04/12/2022 20:30

Bemyclementine · 04/12/2022 20:26

I did training on this issue last week and will check the notes tomorrow and get back to you. Tell her not to move out. Is the house actually sold? Or for sale? Or in the process? I'm pretty sure she can register her interest with land registry which means he can't sell it from under her. I'll confirm tomorrow.

Curious, what grounds does she have for registering an interest?

TomTraubertsBlues · 04/12/2022 20:31

Seeingadistance · 04/12/2022 19:47

She needs to see a lawyer now!

This.
She's been an absolute bloody fool, but she needs legal advice to establish what she might have a legitimate legal claim over. Of course she deserves back what she's put in, not just the £25k.

Herejustforthisone · 04/12/2022 20:32

She must not leave that house, and she must get legal advice. If I were you, I’d want to set him on fire.

Xenia · 04/12/2022 20:33

When you says "sol" the house has completion happened:? Presumably not as she is still there. Therefore tomorrow she needs to regiser at the landregistry a right over the home given her payment for various works. She really should see a solicitor very urgently indeed.

Skodacool · 04/12/2022 20:33

bellac11 · 04/12/2022 20:01

Its nothing to do with her being unmarried. Its because she didnt buy the house with him, he bought it and he owns it and he is on the deeds. If she was on the deeds as a proportion of ownership then she would have a claim on the house

As it is she will have to prove she paid out for the things she did

Show quote history

It has everything to do with being unmarried. If they were married it would be the marital home regardless of who paid the mortgage and whose name is on the deeds.