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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy DS a box of condoms?

157 replies

shadvv · 03/12/2022 23:45

My son is 14, he's in a relationship with another boy, same school year but he's 15 - as DS will be in a few months. The boys parents don't know about his sexuality and I've told DS I won't say anything.

I've talked to him about the age of consent and making sure to use a condom when having sex to protect from STI's but he's told me they aren't yet.

I do suspect they are as there's been a few occasions where I've left DS alone to go out somewhere, when I get back an hour/ a few hours later he has his door closed so I knock and he tells me to wait a few minutes so I do and when DS tells me I can go in his bf is also with him.

I want to respect his privacy so I don't want to tell him he isn't allowed to close his bedroom door or tell him his bf isn't allowed over as the bf doesn't have a good home life so I've told him he's always welcome here. I don't want to embarrass DS by giving him a box of condoms especially as I don't know 100% they're having sex.

WIBU?

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 06/12/2022 16:45

If you’re thinking about anal sex, you need anal strength condoms and lots of suitable lube. Are you ready for that conversation?

Tinner01 · 06/12/2022 17:23

swallowedAfly · 06/12/2022 11:54

In this particular scenario condoms are the least of the worry in a way - ie. both virgins, both male. I don't think people are really grasping the 'additional' considerations of this being anal sex between two virgins, one of whom is still 14, another 15. There's both the logistics such as cleaning, lube etc obviously and there's also the degree of comfort and openness and constant checking in etc required - the latter seems a lot to ask of children.

We have to hope they're a lot more switched on and have done their research a lot better than most people on this thread.

You said it a lot better than I did!

Greenlaser · 28/06/2023 10:33

shadvv · 03/12/2022 23:45

My son is 14, he's in a relationship with another boy, same school year but he's 15 - as DS will be in a few months. The boys parents don't know about his sexuality and I've told DS I won't say anything.

I've talked to him about the age of consent and making sure to use a condom when having sex to protect from STI's but he's told me they aren't yet.

I do suspect they are as there's been a few occasions where I've left DS alone to go out somewhere, when I get back an hour/ a few hours later he has his door closed so I knock and he tells me to wait a few minutes so I do and when DS tells me I can go in his bf is also with him.

I want to respect his privacy so I don't want to tell him he isn't allowed to close his bedroom door or tell him his bf isn't allowed over as the bf doesn't have a good home life so I've told him he's always welcome here. I don't want to embarrass DS by giving him a box of condoms especially as I don't know 100% they're having sex.

WIBU?

Are you sure his b/f is not over 15?

Octopusmittens · 29/06/2023 12:19

Itisbetter · 04/12/2022 00:53

It’s better they are comfortable at home and safe than finding dodgy places to sneak away. Like it or not young teens will experiment with sex.
I think this is nonsense and a total cop out. The majority of people DON’T have sex when they are children nor do they sneak out to do it (or anything else) just because you tell them they can’t at home.
when you add the other child’s miserable home life into the equation it’s even more worrying. What if that child feels they have to participate or lose their only kind place? What if OPs son feels he can’t pull back because the other child needs his comfort? Honestly if OP was providing a venue for inappropriate sexual activity for one of my children I’d be furious and frankly call the police/school.

Well Said @Itisbetter

ItsNotWhatItsNot · 29/06/2023 12:41

People should reconsider posting descriptions of teen bodies and teen anal sex.

Northernparent68 · 29/06/2023 21:16

Mistystar99 · 04/12/2022 23:21

No pregnancy risk and if they're both virgins no STD risk?

I agree with this, it is different to a girl-boy relationship, no risk of pregnancy, less chance of coercion, and sex is less of an emotional issue for boys.

Octopusmittens · 30/06/2023 00:10

Northernparent68 · 29/06/2023 21:16

I agree with this, it is different to a girl-boy relationship, no risk of pregnancy, less chance of coercion, and sex is less of an emotional issue for boys.

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Please tell me you’re not seriously spouting this utterly dangerous nonsense.

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