To buy DS a box of condoms?

[shadvv]

My son is 14, he's in a relationship with another boy, same school year but he's 15 - as DS will be in a few months. The boys parents don't know about his sexuality and I've told DS I won't say anything.

I've talked to him about the age of consent and making sure to use a condom when having sex to protect from STI's but he's told me they aren't yet.

I do suspect they are as there's been a few occasions where I've left DS alone to go out somewhere, when I get back an hour/ a few hours later he has his door closed so I knock and he tells me to wait a few minutes so I do and when DS tells me I can go in his bf is also with him.

I want to respect his privacy so I don't want to tell him he isn't allowed to close his bedroom door or tell him his bf isn't allowed over as the bf doesn't have a good home life so I've told him he's always welcome here. I don't want to embarrass DS by giving him a box of condoms especially as I don't know 100% they're having sex.

WIBU?

If he's old enough to have sex then he's old enough to buy his own condoms.

But age 14??? Wtaf...

Are you not able to listen...he told you they're not having sex.

And, presumably he's capable of buying his own condoms.

MN does have creepy men posting on here who try to normalise underage sex, drugs, etc. But it's obvious they don't know any current teens or know anything about safeguarding.

Teenagers lie and also get embarrassed by everything including buying things such as condoms, if you’ve ever come across a teenager you will no that.

Strangely enough I was one..... These days buying condoms is hardly something from a Madness video.

I do take your point though.

So the simple solution, if you're claiming this is the problem, is don't leave them in the house alone.

I think having the condom talk, and your mum buying you condoms which you're embarrassed about, is a rite of passage tbh. Better to have them and not need them as they say, I think you're being very pragmatic OP. My mum's approach was always " You are too young to be having sex, and I'm not condoning it. However, if this IS something that happens, you MUST use a condom".

For the record, I lost my V plates at 15, as did a lot of people I know. It may not be the norm, but it's certainly not uncommon. IME most teenagers aren't interested in the law, and the pull of sex, if you are ready for it, is pretty overwhelming. I cringe to think of the places I had sex with my bf as a teen, just because we were so horny and didn't have anyplace to go 😬Sorry if that makes me a paedo 😂

I'm quite shocked to see so much judgement on this post quite honestly. OP is just trying to do right by her DS and navigate a pretty tricky age/phase. Personally I think she sounds like she's absolutely trying her best to support her DS with his decision making and promote a healthy relationship with sex. Which is so important at this time in his life.
At 14 a child will do what they like either behind their parents back or not. And to you guys who think you have the power to "allow" your child to have sex or not, you are deluded. It isn't up to you, it's up to them, whether you think they're mature enough or not. All you can do as a parent is give them as much factual information, and information from your own experiences to help guide them in their decision making. And empower them to own their bodies and respect others.
And to everyone who says that 14 yo don't have sex, they absolutely do. It's hard to control such strong impulses at that age, it's natures way of telling us to start reproducing. Our hormones are surging and peaking in order to awaken our most basic instinct. Which I'm not in anyway saying is the right time, I'm just saying that is what our biology is telling us. Sometimes our bodies feel ready at that age. So teaching our teens the safest and most sensible way to approach sex is the best thing we can be doing for them. Sexual repression has never worked, but empowerment does.

I have a 14 year old (almost 15) and while they're not dating right now, I know when they do, I'd rather create a safe environment for them to be in and make sure they have access to contraception and for them to practice safe sex.

DEMANDING they fill their time with other things isn't going to work and they'll simply find another way.

OP, you're being a responsible, loving and engaged parent. Keep doing what you are and yes, I'd leave the condoms on his desk or bedside table with a view to an open conversation around them.

This reads like a paedo thread. Sorry to disappoint you but no, the vast, vast majority of 14 year olds aren’t having sex.

Adding to my last post, my mother was very relaxed with me. Gave me all the information I needed about sex. Even things from her own experiences. Supplied me with condoms at 14 and took me to get birth control, she empowered me to explore my body and own it. She worked a lot so knew I would have times at home on my own where I could take boyfriends home, so knew that I needed to be safe. And I waited until I was 17.
So just because you are supporting your child, doesn't mean your encouraging it. You have to trust in the person that they are.

I’m amazed by some of the naivety on here but people who think if they tell there kids not to have sex and leave the door open that’s it dealt with and they will never have sex

if they want to have sex they will find a way and place hence the condom talk and buying condoms that’s not you as a parent approving that’s trying to keep them safe

Also, the posters on here with 14yo DC, who they insist aren't dating or sexually active, I'm sure you're right. You may be lucky parents whose children aren't ready for anything like that (many aren't). But if they're not, it will most likely be due to their own biology / development, NOT the fact you insist on an open door, or make sure they have a busy schedule. If they had all the time in the world, they still wouldn't be ready.

But encouraging an open door and lessening opportunities could help your children avoid being peer pressured into sexual activity before they are ready. Bored teenagers with too much privacy are more likely to end up being peer pressured into things they aren’t ready for.

I put a box in the bathroom drawer. Both DD's didn't need to be embarrassed that way. Dd2 is not embarassable anyway - she safe sex talked me when I met dp!

Couldn't agree more! It's all about their hormones at that age. If they aren't experimenting it's most likely because their bodies don't feel ready.

I know they're both young but I don't think I can stop them having sex, they'll more than likely find somewhere else. I like the other boy and he isn't “trouble” as another poster said.

I wait to give DS privacy, as at the time I don't know BF is with him and DS has his door closed usually when it's just him and if he tells me to wait then, I do so it's nothing about me not wanting to catch then out.

They're both year 10, the bf turned 15 in September and DS is 15 in a couple of months. If it was a girl and DS, I would've been able to speak to the other parents about what to do so it's not the same situation.

@SavingKitten
I understand what you're saying but surely the better solution is teaching them that they own their bodies and to empower then to have the confidence to control what happen to their bodies.

There's a lot of very naive posters here, just because we don't want 14 year olds to be having sex, that doesn't mean they won't. Safe sex is better than unsafe sex! Mine are adults now, one waiting until much older, the other was 15, and me saying no would have made no difference because she was sneaky, found out years later!

Both strategies together is best. You can do your best to empower but it doesn’t always work. At what age exactly do you recommend letting them shut the door then?

Regardless of what you decide in the end, I am glad to read of someone who recognises that condoms are not just about preventing pregnancy.

Too many young people see the example of porn.

YANBU

But I’d use this as an opportunity to talk a bit more about the closed door etc.

Id be making it clear although he is saying they’re not having sex you’ve come home before and the door has been closed, he needs to respect you and be honest if he also wants that respect to conduct his relationship in your home (imo of course)

Providing contraception doesn’t encourage sex, posters will trot this out but their views unfortunately belong in the 50’s