DP won't help with nursery bills

[Sarahlll]

I'm due to go back to work in the new year after maternity leave and my DP of 4 years has just told me that he doesn't see why he should help pay the nursery fees as it's my decision to return to work. AIBU in thinking that this is incredibly unfair?

What an absolute pig. And that's insult to pigs.
Whatever you do, don't give up your job!

It's great the house is in your name.. He has no right to stay if you want him to leave( I would)

Make him an ex-DP and use the child maintenance to pay nursery - he’s a cocklodger.

I don’t think there is any way back from this.

The financial and emotional red flags have been waving merrily for some time, people like this will not be the type to back down.

Kick the cunt out, contact CMS and thank your lucky stars you started this thread.

I had one like this. Refused to support us whilst I was with the baby then refused to pay kindergarten for me to go back to work.

If I were you I'd go back to work. You need financial independence.

Exactly what benefits does he think you would get?

I'd ask this question on Facebook and tag him to it - shame the fucker!

How does his portion of the nursery fees compare to what he’d have to pay you if you split?

In your shoes I’d be working harder to hang onto a good job that I loved that will build up a pension than I would to hang onto a man who won’t even compromise.

😂😂 Exactly this

This!

The house and mortgage are in your name which his good. Does he pay rent or refund part of the mortgage or is he living off you rent free? What about bills? Get back to work asap so that you can be free of him

Yeah, what a great father he is.

Leave him OP.

I would end the relationship and claim child support from him. He is being utterly sexist. You have a right to work as much as he does and childcare should be shared. As you aren't married if you were to take time off caring for his child he should be supporting you and paying into a private pension for you. You would be unlikely to get benefits whilst living with him if he earns a decent wage.

What’s he going to do when he’s a single dad with shared custody?

OP wouldn't want to get married to this man the house is HERS.

Any man speaking on benefits because they can't be arsed to contribute is finically abusive I agree with others. You can't see it until people point it out to you.

Is he not very clever? I mean, the exact same argument applies to him.
He chooses to work so he must pay towards the childcare. Or is he prepared to quit? What a shitty and selfish and embarrasingly stupid position to take. Sorry you're tethered to a bellend. And a stupid one at that.

If he didn't want a joint account with you, what made you think it was a good idea to have a joint child with him? He wants to make you financially dependent on him (and he will question every penny that you spend) and then he will demand joint ownership in your property - and you will give it to him because he is the only person capable of paying the mortgage.

Right now you are in an incredibly strong position - no financial ties with this cocklodger, own your own house, good job, supportive family. Do not make your position weaker by complying with this man's wishes. It's very common for men to turn on the charm to hook you in, and then show their true colours once you are dependent - usually this happens when children come.

You are lucky, he's shown his true colours before you have done anything drastic to change your strong position. Do whatever you can to get your child cared for so you can get back to the job you love, and then seriously reconsider the future of this relationship. Whatever you do, don't let him take charge of contraception or anything that affects your money or property.

He really is thick op...

Ask him why he can’t be a SAHD then! If you’re not working doesn’t he realise he will have to cover all the bills anyway so what difference?? Try and get everything down on a spreadsheet to show him. Sorry you have such a shit partner :(

I agree whole heartedly with @MoirasSaggyBundles

He thinks he has all the power.

He expects you to give up your job, demand that you still pay for your share of the bills. He will then refuse to parent his child, so you can get an evening/weekend job.

He has shown you who he is.

Do not keep this to yourself. Rally around your support.

IMO, I would ask him to leave. Get CMS and any benefits you are entitled to.

He will probably threaten to go for “full custody” to scare you into submission, but he won’t want to.

Think about it, he calls/texts you constantly when he is parenting his child alone.

Please, please listen to what everyone is saying.

Do not give up your job and kick him out.

Ok. I guess he's right. So the. I assume he will be paying you to be working raising his child not to mention pay your pension contributions.

Wow just read some more of the thread - I take back my last comment and yes this!

So he doesnt want to look afte 4rhis own chil because of his me time-and when do you get yours then

what benefits does he think youre entitled to is his wage particularly low

This happened to me. My ex was abusive though and he got more and more abusive as the years went on. I was with him 6 years and left him when dd was 4.

This was just his way of being abusive. He point blank refused to pay towards nursery fees. I eventually had to go down to part time because I couldn't afford the fees on my own. He also refused to watch dd on his days off, costing me nursery fees.

Dd is 10 now and he still does not pay towards her childminder. Infact, he tried to put a stop to her getting a childminder which would of resulted in me not being able to work. The courts granted a court order (his 3rd) that prevents him from removing dd from the childminder. As he works shifts, he sees dd different days each week meaning I still need to pay childminder when dd isn't there. Because I am not with him U/C pay back 85% of my costs albeit not all at the same time and not for the days where dd isn't there.

My advice is, tell him his behaviour is classed as financial abuse and if this is how he treats you, think about leaving. Maybe your beginning to see the real him.

This. With teeth.