To call police over drunk friend gone AWOL?

[miskovsky]

Hi, looking for urgent advice. Was on a night out tonight with a friend of mine. Friend got very very drunk. We elected to take a taxi home together around 1AM. I tried as hard as I could to get her to stay at mine so I could know she was safe, but she was hellbent on going to her ex girlfriend's house which is quite far away from where I live. She was also hellbent on dropping me off first. In hindsight I should've stopped her but I was rather drunk at this point too (have sobered up now from the panic).

Taxi driver was a South Asian guy. Friend got in the front. Despite being a staunch lesbian, she was making suggestive comments to the driver and to be honest he wasn't as dismissive as I would've hoped. She said something about staying at his house and he said something along the lines of "I would love to, but I have to work for a few more hours". Imo it sounded like he was serious.

Anyway, when they dropped me off, I told her that if she didn't message me/respond to messages to let me know when she was at ex gf's house I was going to call the police. She seemed cognisant of this and promised to be in touch.

By 2 I hadn't heard anything and she hadn't responded to my texts so I called her. Phone rang out for a long time then "she" answered. I was putting the phone on speaker and I heard a voice which sounded rather low, and not like hers, but I can;t say that's 100% reliable because the phone was far away from my face and not on speaker. Then silence for about 30 seconds, then heard someone clearing their throat - again, did NOT sound like her.

Rang again 10 mins later, it answered on 3rd ring but hung up immediately.

So, I rang 101 (local police) and explained the situation. 101 operator said they’re not interested because “she’s an adult and can make her own decisions”. I contested this and said she's very drunk and vulnerable - operator woman "well we can't just go on what ifs". I suggested them checking the CCTV for the location & time we got into the taxi to obtain the reg and then maybe have police (of which there were dozens standing outside the pub doing nothing) check the ranks to see if the taxi returned? Surely that wouldn;t be too difficult? Again they were not interested.

Also, I dont have the address of the ex gf, but I have her full name and know the village she lives in. Could the police not search for her address and then send someone round to check that she made it there? Am i being dramatic and paranoid/unreasonable or do you think they should be doing more? I just feel that in cases where women's safety is at risk it's always too little too late with them (Alice ruggles, Sarah Everard etc).

No the missing friends BF is the heavily pregnant one, who the OP was worried about streeing out with her msgs asking about their friend.

No, it was the other friend that she tried to contact that was pregnant.
OP, glad your friend is OK. Go and get some sleep now.

Agreed..........I have doubts.....

There's certainly a lot of information with each update.......

If they were in India she might have despite it not being strictly relevant.
Anyway she already acknowledged it.
She might have just been in the police report mindset of giving a description.
I'm an ethnic minority myself and the endless comments on this are annoying.

I'm also 'an ethnic minority' 🤨 and I'm very glad to see so many people picking up on casual racism.

If she was 'in the police description mindset' she'd have said 'a south asian man, about 40, slim build, wearing a dark blue jacket' etc. It's bullshit.

I find casual racism, and excuses for it, much more 'annoying' than people criticising it.

Obviously this is very worrying to you. But if she ended up going home with the taxi driver what we are talking about are 2 consenting adults spending the night together. I am sure she will be mortified in the morning but why would the police be interested ?

I completely agree.

Although I can see why you’d be worried about your friend of she was in such a state but having a ONS is not a crime and the police wouldn’t have been interested, especially as your friend was the one initiating.

You sound like a lovely friend and it’s always best to check everyone got home safely.

In future if she is very drunk and making comments that you think may get her into trouble, then it would be best to drop her off first and then be dropped off yourself.
It may cost more but it will save hours of worry.

Not saying you’re wrong but to be honest you’re starting to become a bit irritating and it will overshadow the impact making this valid point once might have had

Yay for the South Asian Taxi driver for getting this vulnerable woman to safety!!!!

Can I ask though.....what's the relevance of 'south'? Can't he have been from west or north?

Yay! Glad your friend is ok. For future reference (just in case) - yes, is you make an account on 192 and pay I think a very small fee you will see the whole address

I find it genuinely ridiculous how you classify her as vulnerable. If you do, then why drink with her?

you sound like you can't cope with booze either.

i've been in mental health treatment for years and if I have been drunk, I still consider myself 100% responsible for that.

what I can't fathom is if you think she is vulnerable, why drink with her for 9 hours?!

Good point there @EmmaAgain22

We were drinking from 4PM - 1AM. She was extremely drunk, apparent to anyone. She also has mental health issues so is vulnerable to begin with. I'd hardly class that as a consenting adult. The driver was completely sober and imo in a position of trust. If anything happened, he was absolutely taking advantage of her.

Knowing all this, & knowing she wasn't sure of her friend's address, you let her drop you off first because she insisted?
Where was your own insistence?
She was hammered - you could have wrestled her home with you if necessary.

Thank goodness she's responding now, & safe.
Think on all the worry & fright you've just been through. Next time you go out with a woman friend, try to focus on that, & not the ethnicity of your driver, or your friend's sexual orientation, & you might remember to not be such a passive arse. "Staunch lesbian" added exactly what to the necessary detail of your tale, apart from making me reach for my revolver, ffs?

Or maybe she was in a panic about her friend and posted something inappropriate. She'd been drinking, hadn't slept and couldn't contact her friend.

Shome mishtake shurely @ThatGirlInACountrySong? -
"Yay for the south Asian taxi driver for getting this staunch lesbian to safety!!!!"

I expect he played some nice soothing k.d. lang for her as he plumbed the depths of Chocolate Road to find her friend's house ...

This is unfair.
No one should be wrestling anyone.
Op insisted, friend declined, friend is an adult.

Next time op goes out she should maybe go with friends who will not be putting her into this position. Drunken stubbornness is no ome else's fault but the drunk.

Do not put fault on others who tried.

I believe that (in the UK) ‘south Asian’ means of descent from India, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh or Pakistan, as opposed to other parts of Asia such as China.

I thought it was the best friend of the drunken friend who is pregnant?

Yeah like Eastern European, North African, North European.
It's totally normal to pinpoint by region

I totally disagree @Cheesuswithallama

OP didn't insist, OP caved, OP was out drinking with a friend who she describes as vulnerable. OP picked up bad vibes (wrongly, but that's not the point) from the taxi driver but let her friend so off with him anyway.

She may as well have found the cliched dark alley with a menacing man in a beanie hat & thrown her friend down it before scuttling away - after all, drunken stubborness is the drinker's fault, so let's throw her to the wolves.

Do not put fault on others who tried.
She is at fault, & she barely tried. When women's safety is concerned, I don't accept "tried". I accept "succeeded".
If you go out boozing with a mate from 4pm - 1am, YOU GET YOURSELF & THAT MATE HOME SAFELY.
Not leave them driving aimlessly around rural lanes with no exact address to go to, no knowledge if anyone is home at that address, in sole chgarge of a taxi driver you are already (wrongly, but hindsight doesn't exonerate) suspicious of.

The only person in fault is the friend. Do not try to guilt others into taking guilt where they shouldn't have one.

Others are not responsible for you. OP tried, friend didn't listen, that is NOT on OP.

Frankly, people shouldn't go drinking if they need a nanny who will physically manhandle them after.

And if something would happen, it is still not OP's fault but the perpetrator's one.

So the police were empathetically not interested and yet somehow they still found the time to take a description of the South Asian taxi driver? Fascinating.

I'm glad she is ok @miskovsky you probably need a night's sleep now. x

Really glad your friend is ok OP