To call police over drunk friend gone AWOL?

[miskovsky]

Hi, looking for urgent advice. Was on a night out tonight with a friend of mine. Friend got very very drunk. We elected to take a taxi home together around 1AM. I tried as hard as I could to get her to stay at mine so I could know she was safe, but she was hellbent on going to her ex girlfriend's house which is quite far away from where I live. She was also hellbent on dropping me off first. In hindsight I should've stopped her but I was rather drunk at this point too (have sobered up now from the panic).

Taxi driver was a South Asian guy. Friend got in the front. Despite being a staunch lesbian, she was making suggestive comments to the driver and to be honest he wasn't as dismissive as I would've hoped. She said something about staying at his house and he said something along the lines of "I would love to, but I have to work for a few more hours". Imo it sounded like he was serious.

Anyway, when they dropped me off, I told her that if she didn't message me/respond to messages to let me know when she was at ex gf's house I was going to call the police. She seemed cognisant of this and promised to be in touch.

By 2 I hadn't heard anything and she hadn't responded to my texts so I called her. Phone rang out for a long time then "she" answered. I was putting the phone on speaker and I heard a voice which sounded rather low, and not like hers, but I can;t say that's 100% reliable because the phone was far away from my face and not on speaker. Then silence for about 30 seconds, then heard someone clearing their throat - again, did NOT sound like her.

Rang again 10 mins later, it answered on 3rd ring but hung up immediately.

So, I rang 101 (local police) and explained the situation. 101 operator said they’re not interested because “she’s an adult and can make her own decisions”. I contested this and said she's very drunk and vulnerable - operator woman "well we can't just go on what ifs". I suggested them checking the CCTV for the location & time we got into the taxi to obtain the reg and then maybe have police (of which there were dozens standing outside the pub doing nothing) check the ranks to see if the taxi returned? Surely that wouldn;t be too difficult? Again they were not interested.

Also, I dont have the address of the ex gf, but I have her full name and know the village she lives in. Could the police not search for her address and then send someone round to check that she made it there? Am i being dramatic and paranoid/unreasonable or do you think they should be doing more? I just feel that in cases where women's safety is at risk it's always too little too late with them (Alice ruggles, Sarah Everard etc).

I think if your friend has MH issues, going on an 8 hour bender wasn’t a good idea.

I'm glad your friend is okay but I'm a bit bewildered by the utter panic of your posts, your certainty that the taxi driver was a wrong 'un, and the fact you had absolutely no contact details for your friend's friends and family. I'm not surprised the police gave you the brush off. Friday and Saturday nights are their busiest time on the streets, and you expected them to scour CCTV to find a trace of your hideously intoxicated friend?

Right, because no white man has ever been found guilty of rape and murder.

It's vanishingly unlikely that they would have. "Eastern European" might appear, but white appearance doesn't get commented upon. That's the reason for the objection - white skin isn't relevant, but another skin colour is fair game to remark upon.

“She's fine”

You don’t say 🙄
Wonder how many calls like you’re the police get every Friday drinking night?

You’re all drama on this thread, calling the police twice… and yet you didn’t do the frigging obvious thing of actually PHONING this woman’s best friend to check if she had a snapmaps etc location for her? She was never going to wake to your message in the early hours. You were so worried, but you didn’t pay a few quid for a full 192 address for the girlfriend. Yet you expect the police to get right on it.

You need to grow up and leave off the 8 hour benders.

And there you go, bingo. Well done for saying out loud what the OP was just implying.

Yup.

"You're too drunk to be in charge of taking yourself home, you;re coming with me."

Any objections - just shove them in the cab, get in after them, & close the door.
Drunks are loose-limbed, & shit in a fight

This is so breathtakingly ignorant.

What ethnicity is the OP? What ethnicity is her friend?

If you think she would have said 'white driver', you're astoundingly ignorant or, more likely, a deliberate apologist for racists.

She couldn't shove her in a cab when they were in the cab. Was she supposed to drag her out physically and probably screaming?

Op was also drunk so loose-limbed.

She couldn't shove her in a cab when they were in the cab. Was she supposed to drag her out physically and probably screaming?
Then it's even easier. You don't let her OUT of the cab, & tell the cabbie that your friend is too drunk to be unsupervised, is coming hime with you or being dropped off first, & ask him to please drive on (to your place or hers).

Op was also drunk so loose-limbed.
Not so drunk she was propositioning cab drivers, or stumbling about trying to find the house of an ex whose address she'd forgotten.

yes, as why does colour or creed matter when explaining a taxi driver?

“she was making suggestive comments to the driver and to be honest he wasn't as dismissive as I would've hoped. She said something about staying at his house and he said something along the lines of "I would love to, but I have to work for a few more hours". Imo it sounded like he was serious.”

How many of us haven’t just told a drunken male propositioning us to fuck right off, because we fear an escalation if we are aggressive?

That taxi driver should be able to go about his work without having to managing being propositioned by some drunken embarrassment.

I absolutely know that in the reversed situation, a woman is in fear more often than a man. But that still doesn’t mean a man should cop for your friend’s shit either.

I couldn’t stay friends with her.

This is why back in my drinking days I stopped asking friends to text me when they were safely home. They invariably never did it and I always assumed they were too drunk to bother, which in my case ended up being true, thankfully.

If they don't call and you are to assume something has befallen them, what can you do apart from call the police?

I think a rational person would have waited for the friend to have time to sleep it off and respond, rather than getting straight onto mumsnet and drunkenly looking to create big drama for reactions.

It wouldn't surprise me if we weren't all trolled with the OPs baity phrases like 'staunch lesbian' and 'South Asian taxi driver' and then the improbable claim that the taxi company weren't answering their phone for over 5 hours?

So happy your friend is okay. X

Really MN? You delete my two posts for calling OP a pathetic drama queen, but let the horribly racist ones stand?
Nice to see the priorities here....

Well said.