To call police over drunk friend gone AWOL?

[miskovsky]

Hi, looking for urgent advice. Was on a night out tonight with a friend of mine. Friend got very very drunk. We elected to take a taxi home together around 1AM. I tried as hard as I could to get her to stay at mine so I could know she was safe, but she was hellbent on going to her ex girlfriend's house which is quite far away from where I live. She was also hellbent on dropping me off first. In hindsight I should've stopped her but I was rather drunk at this point too (have sobered up now from the panic).

Taxi driver was a South Asian guy. Friend got in the front. Despite being a staunch lesbian, she was making suggestive comments to the driver and to be honest he wasn't as dismissive as I would've hoped. She said something about staying at his house and he said something along the lines of "I would love to, but I have to work for a few more hours". Imo it sounded like he was serious.

Anyway, when they dropped me off, I told her that if she didn't message me/respond to messages to let me know when she was at ex gf's house I was going to call the police. She seemed cognisant of this and promised to be in touch.

By 2 I hadn't heard anything and she hadn't responded to my texts so I called her. Phone rang out for a long time then "she" answered. I was putting the phone on speaker and I heard a voice which sounded rather low, and not like hers, but I can;t say that's 100% reliable because the phone was far away from my face and not on speaker. Then silence for about 30 seconds, then heard someone clearing their throat - again, did NOT sound like her.

Rang again 10 mins later, it answered on 3rd ring but hung up immediately.

So, I rang 101 (local police) and explained the situation. 101 operator said they’re not interested because “she’s an adult and can make her own decisions”. I contested this and said she's very drunk and vulnerable - operator woman "well we can't just go on what ifs". I suggested them checking the CCTV for the location & time we got into the taxi to obtain the reg and then maybe have police (of which there were dozens standing outside the pub doing nothing) check the ranks to see if the taxi returned? Surely that wouldn;t be too difficult? Again they were not interested.

Also, I dont have the address of the ex gf, but I have her full name and know the village she lives in. Could the police not search for her address and then send someone round to check that she made it there? Am i being dramatic and paranoid/unreasonable or do you think they should be doing more? I just feel that in cases where women's safety is at risk it's always too little too late with them (Alice ruggles, Sarah Everard etc).

The suggestion that reading the full thread omits racism 🤦🏻‍♀️

It still wasn't necessary and OPs explanation was poor. If the taxi driver had been white I doubt that would have been mentioned on here

Exactly this, I'm fresh from a similar shift 😉

What the police said to you about there being nothing to raise alarm bells is precisely what I would have said to you too. Yes she was drunk, but so are countless other people at the same time, many of them also making uncharacteristic and somewhat dubious decisions.

Also, there is no truth in the 48hr thing. That would mean that vulnerable elderly people with dementia who have wandered off, small children lost on beaches and suicidal people roaming the countryside hellbent on ending it wouldn't be dealt with for 48 hours. A missing person will be assessed for risk at the point they're reported, and actions carried out accordingly.

I hope you get in contact with your friend soon.

To everyone asking why i mentioned the taxi driver's ethnicity. I have explained this in a previous post on page 1.

If you want to flame me then flame me, I honestly could not give a shit right now.

Don’t you know - simply explaining your racism justifies it.

Hope you find your friend OP, but you need to question why the driver being south Asian was every worthy of mentioning.

In all likelihood you will hear soon and everything will be fine. There's not much you else you can do.

Also, the taxi driver saying that he's still working a few hours so she can't come back - it might be a way to stop an angry reaction from a drunk passenger- a way to say no gently (rather than implying he'd happily take her back were he not working!!)

I hope your friends ok OP and when she does surface you can then read her the riot act!

I refuse to believe a taxi firm wouldn't answer their phone after 9am on a Saturday morning. Try them again.

It’s understandable that you were worried for her safety but she seemed perfectly happy to be having an evening of debauchery so no I wouldn’t have called the police.

It's probably one of their busiest days of the year.

Explained above, so she could give a description to the police.

Poor you, OP. I'd be feeling the same in your position. It's past 9, it shouldn't be too long until you can reasonably expect her to be awake.

Hope you get hold of her soon op. I’m sure she’ll just be sleeping it off. If not contact over the next couple of hours perhaps call back 101

I read that. It wasn't an explanation. She wouldn't have included the word 'white' in her post here, even if she had done in her description to police.

Rank racism

I could have worded it better but what I was getting at is that it's very unlikely that the average man, while entirely sober, can be predated on (physically or sexually) by the average drunk woman. It's the woman who is in danger of being predated on because she is unable to consent and probably unable to physically fight an attacker off. The driver will just remove himself from the situation if warranted. He definitely won't end up raped.

I obviously don't condone unwanted advances, but to me this is not predatory in the same way that men on the lookout for drunken girls to take home and have their way with is predatory, so i would not use the same language.

Outs have waiting times for answering the phones and are encouraging customers to use the app to book. Since Covid we have a huge shortage of drivers and it's hard to get all the work covered.

This is one of the busiest shopping days of the year. The taxi office has no time for this and there is nothing they can do to help OP even if they do answer the phone. Unless the police are involved they will not release information, neither will they start their own investigation for OP

It sounds weird. Especially the taxi firm not answering

Are you saying the hospital/police did the wrong thing in the welfare check?

Can’t you go round to her house and check if she there? If not, call at the taxi office?

Michelle, no. I'm not saying that. But I did ask the hospital to give me 10 minutes to try to call my friend to see if I could reach them, as it would have meant that they could have opened the door.
Friend's injury was potentially life-threatening. Their MH problems make it extremely difficult when they are unwell.

I didn't say that though, did I?

A poster asked why she mentioned it, if the poster had read the thread they would've read OPs explanation as to why she mentioned it. I'm not excusing racism.

It sounds like you have tried everything you can at this point to find your friend. I would call the taxi company one last time & then if no joy set your alarm for say 12-1pm, then try & get some sleep.
Lack of sleep won't help if (& a big if) something has happened.
Your friend is probably passed out somewhere sleeping off a hangover, so you unfortunately will probably not hear from her anytime soon.

@Pondere she has!!!!

She sounds more than capable of looking after herself. The chances of anything bad having happened to her is pretty low. I wouldn't be losing sleep over this for a good 48 hours.

I hope you hear from your friend soon. She's lucky she has someone who cares about her this much