To call police over drunk friend gone AWOL?

[miskovsky]

Hi, looking for urgent advice. Was on a night out tonight with a friend of mine. Friend got very very drunk. We elected to take a taxi home together around 1AM. I tried as hard as I could to get her to stay at mine so I could know she was safe, but she was hellbent on going to her ex girlfriend's house which is quite far away from where I live. She was also hellbent on dropping me off first. In hindsight I should've stopped her but I was rather drunk at this point too (have sobered up now from the panic).

Taxi driver was a South Asian guy. Friend got in the front. Despite being a staunch lesbian, she was making suggestive comments to the driver and to be honest he wasn't as dismissive as I would've hoped. She said something about staying at his house and he said something along the lines of "I would love to, but I have to work for a few more hours". Imo it sounded like he was serious.

Anyway, when they dropped me off, I told her that if she didn't message me/respond to messages to let me know when she was at ex gf's house I was going to call the police. She seemed cognisant of this and promised to be in touch.

By 2 I hadn't heard anything and she hadn't responded to my texts so I called her. Phone rang out for a long time then "she" answered. I was putting the phone on speaker and I heard a voice which sounded rather low, and not like hers, but I can;t say that's 100% reliable because the phone was far away from my face and not on speaker. Then silence for about 30 seconds, then heard someone clearing their throat - again, did NOT sound like her.

Rang again 10 mins later, it answered on 3rd ring but hung up immediately.

So, I rang 101 (local police) and explained the situation. 101 operator said they’re not interested because “she’s an adult and can make her own decisions”. I contested this and said she's very drunk and vulnerable - operator woman "well we can't just go on what ifs". I suggested them checking the CCTV for the location & time we got into the taxi to obtain the reg and then maybe have police (of which there were dozens standing outside the pub doing nothing) check the ranks to see if the taxi returned? Surely that wouldn;t be too difficult? Again they were not interested.

Also, I dont have the address of the ex gf, but I have her full name and know the village she lives in. Could the police not search for her address and then send someone round to check that she made it there? Am i being dramatic and paranoid/unreasonable or do you think they should be doing more? I just feel that in cases where women's safety is at risk it's always too little too late with them (Alice ruggles, Sarah Everard etc).

I'm glad she is safe OP. If you had been as drunk as your friend you would probably have passed out as soon as you got home and not worried about her.

@ KettrickenSmiled bullshit! Whatever happened, OP would not have had been responsible.

Op insisted, friend declined, friend is an adult.

... except OP herself says friend was vulnerable, pissed, unable to give consent etc. The police used the 'friend is an adult' logic to explain why this didn't warrant a welfare check - which OP disagreed with. Hence she can't at the same time think the friend was adult enough to decline.

The whole thing clearly stems from the stupidly long drinking sesh (am not against a piss-up but with the MH issues it's not very smart). From the friend's irresponsibility to the OP carried away with sinister throat-clearing fantasies.

Pleased everything turned out ok for you and your friend OP!

Glad your friend is ok.

Expecting the police to search out every adult who gets pissed on a night out and doesn't answer their phone for a few hours is ridiculous.

Have a think about how you avoid this fiasco in the future, using the many options available to you. it is not the job of the police to baby sit piss artists. Share details of where you are going, don't both get so intoxicated and then split up, have each others phones tracked etc.

Yes! I'd put money on this.

Wow what a waste of police time, 101 is extremely busy and I’ve struggled to get through in the past probably for things like this. My pal is pissed, talking rubbish to taxi drivers and assuming the poor Asian guy is a serial rapist (that auto corrected to racist, that sounds about right for the OP)

Feel sorry for the ex … imagine having your blind drunk ex turn up, unannounced, in the early hours

Are you an south Asian man? You should’ve use your ‘ethnic minority’ status to justify racist comments. It’s not a good thing.
Have you heard how racist Kanye West is towards black people? Guess his ethnicity…

If the friend has showed up murdered or raped you would be singing a different tune...

The fact it turned out alright doesn't mean OPs concern was umwarranted. She did the decent thing by trying to ensure her friend is safe.

Was your rudeness and total lack of empathy really necessary?

Apparently you can’t even say the words “Asian driver” without being called a racist.

Well done lefties of MN, you’ve completely made the word racism, redundant. You all must be thrilled.

In many parts of the UK, "Asian man" is a completely useless description of a taxi driver. I would say 90% of taxi drivers in my area are Asian men!

Have a word with yourself. It's not the words, it's the implication that's racist.

I have a “staunch lesbian” friend who often goes off with men on a night out.

Whats that about, then?

I'd love to help you out with this @ScotlandEuropa but am utterly clueless because I have no idea what a "staunch lesbian" is ...

Would they have said “white taxi driver” nooooo

You were being unreasonable throughout and should have gone to bed. Your friend needs to drink less next time if her friends think she gets in such a state that she can't function safely. Poor taxi driver.

Yes it's called making Smalltalk and will be something he does every day. With the economy the way it is I'm sure he wouldn't risk losing his license for someone who he has got in his taxi in a drunk vulnerable state. There will always be a few bad eggs. But a lot these days have camera's in the taxi just in case they are accused or if they do get racially abused or do a runner.

And had the OP said “white driver”

Would you all be outraged the same way?? Of course not because that doesn’t fit any narrative.

The fact that you think this shows that you are inherently racist.

Non white people state over and over and over again that being identified primarily by the colour of their skin marginalised and uncomfortable. Do you just not care about that? Should they just suck it up and let people mention their race in relation to negative incidents?

Pleasecreate - you are spot on. Rotherham, etc swept under the carpet. There is a problem in our society with men from a particular ethnic group preying on white girls but say that aloud and you are a racist.

If my friends started calling the police to ask them to check up on me after a night out I’d be horrified. It was 2:30am when all this started, you were both drunk at the end of your night, why wouldn’t your logical conclusion be that she had got to her ex’s safely and fallen asleep before texting you because she was drunk? Especially with the half asleep answering of the phone.

Messaging other friends, trying to track down her ex, considering contacting the ex through work, calling the police not once but twice despite them saying no concerns…baffling. I’d be pissed off if I was your friend. You sound obsessive.

The way you talk about her ex makes me wonder if it was actually just jealousy she was ending her night with her and not you.

You should really consider giving up drinking.

You can’t handle it.

if it makes you this anxious then it’s bad for your health.
Read back over your posts next week when you have recovered and just look how you went into orbit, you are not normally that anxious are you?
Lots of people end up giving it up for this reason and I think you should consider it too.

All the very best.

Can someone explain to me how would you control a drunk friend in that determined mood whole also drunk without it ending as an actual physical fight?