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Original poster

To call police over drunk friend gone AWOL?

268 replies

miskovsky · 03/12/2022 02:50

Hi, looking for urgent advice. Was on a night out tonight with a friend of mine. Friend got very very drunk. We elected to take a taxi home together around 1AM. I tried as hard as I could to get her to stay at mine so I could know she was safe, but she was hellbent on going to her ex girlfriend's house which is quite far away from where I live. She was also hellbent on dropping me off first. In hindsight I should've stopped her but I was rather drunk at this point too (have sobered up now from the panic).

Taxi driver was a South Asian guy. Friend got in the front. Despite being a staunch lesbian, she was making suggestive comments to the driver and to be honest he wasn't as dismissive as I would've hoped. She said something about staying at his house and he said something along the lines of "I would love to, but I have to work for a few more hours". Imo it sounded like he was serious.

Anyway, when they dropped me off, I told her that if she didn't message me/respond to messages to let me know when she was at ex gf's house I was going to call the police. She seemed cognisant of this and promised to be in touch.

By 2 I hadn't heard anything and she hadn't responded to my texts so I called her. Phone rang out for a long time then "she" answered. I was putting the phone on speaker and I heard a voice which sounded rather low, and not like hers, but I can;t say that's 100% reliable because the phone was far away from my face and not on speaker. Then silence for about 30 seconds, then heard someone clearing their throat - again, did NOT sound like her.

Rang again 10 mins later, it answered on 3rd ring but hung up immediately.

So, I rang 101 (local police) and explained the situation. 101 operator said they’re not interested because “she’s an adult and can make her own decisions”. I contested this and said she's very drunk and vulnerable - operator woman "well we can't just go on what ifs". I suggested them checking the CCTV for the location & time we got into the taxi to obtain the reg and then maybe have police (of which there were dozens standing outside the pub doing nothing) check the ranks to see if the taxi returned? Surely that wouldn;t be too difficult? Again they were not interested.

Also, I dont have the address of the ex gf, but I have her full name and know the village she lives in. Could the police not search for her address and then send someone round to check that she made it there? Am i being dramatic and paranoid/unreasonable or do you think they should be doing more? I just feel that in cases where women's safety is at risk it's always too little too late with them (Alice ruggles, Sarah Everard etc).

OP posts:
Snnowflake · 03/12/2022 08:53

Don't you know anyone with a car so you can go to taxi office and ex's house to investigate.

eish · 03/12/2022 08:53

I wouldn't involve your work yet. I know you're worried but in the big scheme of things the most likely thing is she's got into a drunken mess. Involving work is premature and potentially embarrassing.

I agree on the ingrained racism, if you were describing it as you had to the police surely you'd have included description of friend too e.g taxi driver, South Asian male, my friend, white female, 5ft6 and wearing a green jacket.

CountZacular · 03/12/2022 08:54

At this stage OP, I think you just need to go to sleep for a couple of hours as there’s not more you can do right now. When you wake again you can try your friends mobile again and see if you have a message from the best friend.

You’ve been a great friend 💐

accentdusoleil · 03/12/2022 08:54

Can you go to the taxi office ?

LaLuz7 · 03/12/2022 08:54

Stravaig · 03/12/2022 08:51

In the story we have so far, it is the friend who is being predatory. Let's hope she didn't escalate to actual agression.

Show quote history

Oh give over... suggestive comments while drunk, that's what you call predatory? OP doesn't say the friend was fondling the driver or anything of that sort.

softpilllow · 03/12/2022 08:55

Still worth trying. They could contact the driver and see if she was dropped off safely.

They will not give OP any details. The driver is more than likely in bed due to having worked a night shift. A call from a random drunk person to a taxi office asking about their drunk friend will not be taken seriously. Drunk people phone all the time - they are largely irritating and for the most part just ignored. If the police have no interest there is no way the taxi company will be starting up their own investigation.

GimmeBiscuits · 03/12/2022 08:56

OP, hoping you will hear from your friend today.

Just wondering, when you spoke to the police, did you mention MH problems? I had to deal with the 'fallout' of a police check on a friend a couple if years ago. Friend sustained a serious injury and was taken to hospital unconscious. However they have autism plus severe anxiety and when staff were not (in their opinion) telling them what they wanted to know, they had a meltdown and were not treated sympathetically/with understanding. They walked out, got a taxi home and then exited the taxi without paying. Got indoors and passed out.
I got a call from the hospital as I'm their contact person. Hospital insisted a welfare check was needed. I asked them to wait whilst I tried to contact friend.
Police smashed a door down to get to them, which caused another meltdown. A few years on, they still have flashbacks.

Stravaig · 03/12/2022 08:57

LaLuz7 · 03/12/2022 08:54

Oh give over... suggestive comments while drunk, that's what you call predatory? OP doesn't say the friend was fondling the driver or anything of that sort.

Show quote history

No-one should be subjected to sexual harassment in their workplace. That includes taxi drivers.

Sally090807 · 03/12/2022 08:57

LaLuz7 · 03/12/2022 08:54

Oh give over... suggestive comments while drunk, that's what you call predatory? OP doesn't say the friend was fondling the driver or anything of that sort.

Show quote history

If it was an extremely drunk male making suggestive comments like that to a female driver I doubt you’d have the same view.

tearsandtiaras · 03/12/2022 08:57

Why was it necessary to mention the taxi driver was south asian?

softpilllow · 03/12/2022 08:58

Oh give over... suggestive comments while drunk, that's what you call predatory?

That is absolutely predatory and if it were the other way round there would be calls to report this man immediately and have him stripped of his license.

OP doesn't say the friend was fondling the driver or anything of that sort.

You seem to be rather ignorant here. Touching someone is not the only form of predatory and inappropriate behaviour, quite the opposite actually

BadNomad · 03/12/2022 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MissMarpleRocks · 03/12/2022 08:58

Sally090807 · 03/12/2022 08:57

If it was an extremely drunk male making suggestive comments like that to a female driver I doubt you’d have the same view.

Show quote history

The op explains it upthread in one of her further posts.

AriettyHomily · 03/12/2022 08:59

This is all a bit bizarre.

softpilllow · 03/12/2022 09:00

accentdusoleil · 03/12/2022 08:54

Can you go to the taxi office ?

Please don't do this. The very last thing the office need on one of their busiest Saturdays of the year is a drunk woman turning up asking questions the cannot answer.

Kedece2410 · 03/12/2022 09:00

GimmeBiscuits · 03/12/2022 08:56

OP, hoping you will hear from your friend today.

Just wondering, when you spoke to the police, did you mention MH problems? I had to deal with the 'fallout' of a police check on a friend a couple if years ago. Friend sustained a serious injury and was taken to hospital unconscious. However they have autism plus severe anxiety and when staff were not (in their opinion) telling them what they wanted to know, they had a meltdown and were not treated sympathetically/with understanding. They walked out, got a taxi home and then exited the taxi without paying. Got indoors and passed out.
I got a call from the hospital as I'm their contact person. Hospital insisted a welfare check was needed. I asked them to wait whilst I tried to contact friend.
Police smashed a door down to get to them, which caused another meltdown. A few years on, they still have flashbacks.

Thats a completely different scenario to the OP. Ofcourse someone with MH issues & a serious injury leaving a hospital before being treated is absolutely going to warrant a welfare check. It's completely incomparible to a drunk friend not answering their phone

LaLuz7 · 03/12/2022 09:00

Sally090807 · 03/12/2022 08:57

If it was an extremely drunk male making suggestive comments like that to a female driver I doubt you’d have the same view.

Show quote history

Both are inappropriate, but there's a physical strength and size difference (usually) that draws the line between uncomfortable and downright scary. So no, I don't think they're equivalent.

3luckystars · 03/12/2022 09:01

This should be a clear signal to you to stop drinking for good.

softpilllow · 03/12/2022 09:01

GimmeBiscuits · 03/12/2022 08:56

OP, hoping you will hear from your friend today.

Just wondering, when you spoke to the police, did you mention MH problems? I had to deal with the 'fallout' of a police check on a friend a couple if years ago. Friend sustained a serious injury and was taken to hospital unconscious. However they have autism plus severe anxiety and when staff were not (in their opinion) telling them what they wanted to know, they had a meltdown and were not treated sympathetically/with understanding. They walked out, got a taxi home and then exited the taxi without paying. Got indoors and passed out.
I got a call from the hospital as I'm their contact person. Hospital insisted a welfare check was needed. I asked them to wait whilst I tried to contact friend.
Police smashed a door down to get to them, which caused another meltdown. A few years on, they still have flashbacks.

Come on now, this situation is a million miles away from 'my friend is drunk' Confused

NEmama · 03/12/2022 09:03

I hope you hear from her soon. Try to get some sleep.

softpilllow · 03/12/2022 09:03

Both are inappropriate, but there's a physical strength and size difference (usually) that draws the line between uncomfortable and downright scary. So no, I don't think they're equivalent.

You know the behaviour is not acceptable whether the person is scared or not, right?

I'm not scared of a man making lewd suggestions, in fact I would probably fucking laugh, but my reaction doesn't make that an acceptable way to behave

MrNook · 03/12/2022 09:04

tearsandtiaras · 03/12/2022 08:57

Why was it necessary to mention the taxi driver was south asian?

Read full thread

Janieread · 03/12/2022 09:04

3luckystars · 03/12/2022 09:01

This should be a clear signal to you to stop drinking for good.

The friend should definitely consider it.

I know I'm always banging on about liver damage but risky behaviour when drunk is one of the precursors to serious liver damage.

Pondere · 03/12/2022 09:05

MrNook · 03/12/2022 09:04

Read full thread

Show quote history

Regardless of the explanation, OP thought it relevant in the first place.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 03/12/2022 09:05

I hope you hear from her op.
i think all you can do now is wait to see if you hear back from any of the people you have tried to contact. Get some rest

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