Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call police over drunk friend gone AWOL?

268 replies

miskovsky · 03/12/2022 02:50

Hi, looking for urgent advice. Was on a night out tonight with a friend of mine. Friend got very very drunk. We elected to take a taxi home together around 1AM. I tried as hard as I could to get her to stay at mine so I could know she was safe, but she was hellbent on going to her ex girlfriend's house which is quite far away from where I live. She was also hellbent on dropping me off first. In hindsight I should've stopped her but I was rather drunk at this point too (have sobered up now from the panic).

Taxi driver was a South Asian guy. Friend got in the front. Despite being a staunch lesbian, she was making suggestive comments to the driver and to be honest he wasn't as dismissive as I would've hoped. She said something about staying at his house and he said something along the lines of "I would love to, but I have to work for a few more hours". Imo it sounded like he was serious.

Anyway, when they dropped me off, I told her that if she didn't message me/respond to messages to let me know when she was at ex gf's house I was going to call the police. She seemed cognisant of this and promised to be in touch.

By 2 I hadn't heard anything and she hadn't responded to my texts so I called her. Phone rang out for a long time then "she" answered. I was putting the phone on speaker and I heard a voice which sounded rather low, and not like hers, but I can;t say that's 100% reliable because the phone was far away from my face and not on speaker. Then silence for about 30 seconds, then heard someone clearing their throat - again, did NOT sound like her.

Rang again 10 mins later, it answered on 3rd ring but hung up immediately.

So, I rang 101 (local police) and explained the situation. 101 operator said they’re not interested because “she’s an adult and can make her own decisions”. I contested this and said she's very drunk and vulnerable - operator woman "well we can't just go on what ifs". I suggested them checking the CCTV for the location & time we got into the taxi to obtain the reg and then maybe have police (of which there were dozens standing outside the pub doing nothing) check the ranks to see if the taxi returned? Surely that wouldn;t be too difficult? Again they were not interested.

Also, I dont have the address of the ex gf, but I have her full name and know the village she lives in. Could the police not search for her address and then send someone round to check that she made it there? Am i being dramatic and paranoid/unreasonable or do you think they should be doing more? I just feel that in cases where women's safety is at risk it's always too little too late with them (Alice ruggles, Sarah Everard etc).

OP posts:
Charlize43 · 03/12/2022 08:21

This was posted at 2.50am

It's now 8.20am

In 5 hours the taxi company hasn't responded to confirm that your friend was dropped off? They'll be able to radio the driver immediately.

AutumnCrow · 03/12/2022 08:22

Btw can I just clear up one thing about licensed cab drivers? They can and do lose their licenses over sexual encounters with customers 'in drink', whether the police/CPS are interested in pursuing it or not. The OP is quite right in her post above about the driver being in a position of trust.

CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 03/12/2022 08:24

Hope she turns up soon, OP. Chances are she's sleeping it off but I understand why you're worried

Clawdy · 03/12/2022 08:26

Hope there is news soon.

Pugdogmom · 03/12/2022 08:30

Sadly, as far as the Police are concerned, she is a grown drunk adult who made her own " dodgy " decisions, and they aren't likely to look for her yet, because they hear this several times a shift.
The taxi company won't release where they dropped her to a random caller, only the police, but you might get some helpful taxi operator who would see you are worried and speak to the driver unless he's gone off shift. Long shot though.
Looks like you are going to have to play the waiting game. Hope she turns up soon xxx

BorisJohnsonsHair · 03/12/2022 08:31

I hope you hear from her soon.

Original poster
miskovsky · 03/12/2022 08:33

I've just tried the taxi company AGAIN and no answer. I feel like giving up with them to be honest. My plan was to first ask about the phone, to see if it had been handed in. But to be honest, if whoever was in possession of the phone was a good enough person to hand it in, I think they also would've spoken to me when I was on the verge of tears on the phone begging them to speak to me. If I was in that position I'd have said "I have your friend's phone, they left it in the car" or whatever. I wouldn't fucking sit in silence and clear my throat.

And as a PP has pointed out, there are probably GDPR rules which wouldn't allow them to tell me the details of someone else's journey. That's if the journey is even tracked. I know you can do that with Uber, but with this type of firm I'm not sure they even do that. He didn't use a sat nav. Also if the taxi driver has done something dodgy he's obviously not going to admit to it so I think it's probably a pointless endeavour.

OP posts:
Sickofcoughing · 03/12/2022 08:34

I'm so sorry OP, it's clear you're worried sick. I often behaved as your friend has, I'm surprised I have any friends left. I don't drink now ever.

I really hope you get in touch with her soon but you know this isn't your fault. She's a grown adult and she chose to get into that state.

LaLuz7 · 03/12/2022 08:35

Offering a handhold @miskovsky. I totally understand your reasons for concern.

Do you have contact info on any close relatives of her? If you let them know what's going on they can make a call to the police also and maybe that will prompt them to take it more seriously?

Stravaig · 03/12/2022 08:36

You and your friend need to stop drinking yourselves into a state where she drunkenly doorstops her ex and/or drunkenly propositions her taxi driver, and where you drunkenly panic all night about her choices instead of your own. Moderation. Boundaries.

LaTangerina · 03/12/2022 08:36

Are you sure it couldn't have been her answering the phone while drunk/half asleep/incoherent?
Hopefully she is fine & you're stressing about nothing 🤞
Hope you're ok & manage to get some rest today.
It could be that she's sleeping it off today & you may not hear from her until she gets up.
Do you have her exs number to ask if she made it there?
Surely she would have went home if she couldn't stay with the ex.

Nik2015 · 03/12/2022 08:42

I would keep trying the taxi company, don’t accuse the driver of anything but state that your friend is missing and you need to know where she was dropped off.

Muddywaters1 · 03/12/2022 08:44

Keep trying all the phones - I really hope she is just in a deep drunken sleep and wakes up soon!

Latenightreader · 03/12/2022 08:44

Sally090807 · 03/12/2022 07:29

How can she not know her ex girlfriends address and why on earth is a taxi company not responding at 7.30 on a Saturday morning.

I had a friend who got so drunk at a party she first tried to ride off her bike still chained up, and when we realised she was so intoxicated (the rest of us weren’t) and put her in a taxi, it returned ten minutes later because she couldn’t remember her address. It was horrible to witness, but I can believe that someone could be so drunk they can’t remember their ex’s address.

Metabigot · 03/12/2022 08:45

araiwa · 03/12/2022 04:25

What's the relevance of the driver being South Asian?

I wondered this too. Seemed a strange detail to add.

Bemyclementine · 03/12/2022 08:45

I can see why you're so worried OP but can also see why the police wouldn't help. I hope she makes contact soon, the trouble is if she was that drunk she might not be up for hours yet.

I hope she learns a lesson from this, and doesn't dismiss your worry.

loopyloutoo · 03/12/2022 08:46

Stravaig · 03/12/2022 08:36

You and your friend need to stop drinking yourselves into a state where she drunkenly doorstops her ex and/or drunkenly propositions her taxi driver, and where you drunkenly panic all night about her choices instead of your own. Moderation. Boundaries.

Pretty unhelpful at this point - may I also remind you this isn't a justification for anyone to do ANYTHING to another person, not that we are going there yet.

Original poster
miskovsky · 03/12/2022 08:47

I'm exhausted. I don't think I have the mental energy to go through another fruitless, disappointing phone call.

The only other thing I can think of doing is calling our workplace (which is open now) and seeing if they have contact details for the ex. And maybe asking them to call her on basis of welfare concern for my friend and either confirm to them that she is with her, or ask them to give her my number and ask her to contact me? Or is that unhinged? I'm so tired that I feel as though I'm slipping into delirium.

Also, from what I've heard about the ex she's quite a nasty piece of work and I don't think she likes me very much, so there's a chance she could complain it's unsolicited contact or something. Because in theory, none of this is any of my business. Like, maybe my friend just wanted to go and drunkenly shag her ex in peace and didn't want to be bothered by me. Who knows.

OP posts:
Kedece2410 · 03/12/2022 08:47

Nik2015 · 03/12/2022 08:42

I would keep trying the taxi company, don’t accuse the driver of anything but state that your friend is missing and you need to know where she was dropped off.

They won't give that out to someone over the phone. They'll tell the OP to get the Police to call them & even then its not straightforward

jamoncrumpets · 03/12/2022 08:49

araiwa · 03/12/2022 04:25

What's the relevance of the driver being South Asian?

This. None whatsoever. Just ingrained racism.

softpilllow · 03/12/2022 08:50

Nik2015 · 03/12/2022 08:42

I would keep trying the taxi company, don’t accuse the driver of anything but state that your friend is missing and you need to know where she was dropped off.

They won't tell OP.

Stravaig · 03/12/2022 08:51

loopyloutoo · 03/12/2022 08:46

Pretty unhelpful at this point - may I also remind you this isn't a justification for anyone to do ANYTHING to another person, not that we are going there yet.

Show quote history

In the story we have so far, it is the friend who is being predatory. Let's hope she didn't escalate to actual agression.

Nik2015 · 03/12/2022 08:52

softpilllow · 03/12/2022 08:50

They won't tell OP.

Show quote history

Still worth trying. They could contact the driver and see if she was dropped off safely.
Hope she’s okay.

Sally090807 · 03/12/2022 08:53

Is your friend due in work today?

RIPhouseplants · 03/12/2022 08:53

if you are work colleagues is there someone else you work with who might know more about her likely whereabouts than you? It doesn’t sound like you are a close friend to her. You could contact them individually rather than your work as an official thing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread