AIBU for not leaving amusement park early when my niece had to because she was sick?

[mestomlin]

My niece has cancer and my parents wanted to make her birthday decided to pay for the entire family to go to an amusement park. So the people who went were my niece, her brother, their mum (my sister), our mum and dad, my husband, my son, and I.

Not long after we get to the park my niece starts to not feel well. She ends up getting sick. After a while of resting she doesn’t feel better and we notice she has a fever. My sister decided that they needed to take her home. Since we drove separately my husband, our kids, and I were going to stay.

At that point my nephew starts to get upset that he’s going to be leaving with them. My parents start to scold him for yelling, but being that I know he often has to give up things because of his sister being sick I felt bad for him. So, I offer watch him for the rest of the day and say we can drive him home.

My mum pulled me aside and said we should all leave early so we don’t make my niece feel bad about being the only kid that had to go home early. After the long drive to get there I didn’t think it was fair to expect the other kids to leave after not even having gone on a ride. By that point they had spent hours in the car driving there and sitting on benches resting. My mum said that since she and my dad paid for the tickets it should be up to them whether we stay or go home early.

In the end I stood firm that me, my husband, and son were staying. My sister also let her son stay with us too. We had a good time and got some souvenirs and treats for my niece. When we got back and dropped off my nephew. My sister looked exhausted and said her daughter had been crying the whole day because she had to leave early. My mum has since said that I ruined my nieces birthday by making her feel left out.

There was no right choice in this situation

I didn’t think it was fair to expect the other kids to leave after not even having gone on a ride

vs. showing solidarity with your niece.

Yeah, you're a sweetheart OP

I think both you and your mum are BU.

I'd have asked my sister what she wanted us to do to make this the least awful it could be for DN and left it entirely up to her. But this only works if you have the kind of relationship where you can be frank and you know they'll tell you honestly what they want.

I can see the point that the tickets were already bought, kids had already travelled etc but it is absolutely heartbreaking to imagine this poor little girl who is extremely ill spending her birthday feeling poorly and sad that her cousins and sibling are having such an amazing day - a day that she's no doubt looked forward to and waited patiently for - whilst she had to go home. Can't you remember as a kid how awful that feeling of missing out is? And it's so magnified for her.

I feel like you could have said to the kids "look we'll have a quick hour at the park but then we need to leave. This is DN's birthday treat. Imagine how you'd feel if you were her. Let's all come back another day when she's feeling better". You could have done something fun with them but more low-key (park, movies at home) and at least DN wouldn't have felt like she was missing out. You could have taught them a bit about solidarity and empathy.

YABVU. Sorry you should have all gone home and spent the day with your niece and family. She has cancer not a cold.

I think I would have left. I would have felt awful for the niece being unwell and not being able to enjoy the day and would feel wrong enjoying the day without her.

if just you and your son had stayed, i think you would have been unreasonable. but your nephew deserves to not miss out on a day out, i have no doubt he is (unavoidably, of course) missing out on a lot due to his sisters illness. It seems your niece was upset because SHE missed out, not that the others didn’t?
its a lose-lose situation.

Your parents paid a lot big money for a birthday treat for your niece.

Since your own child and your family had a high old time I think you should give your Mum the ticket money for you so that they can take your niece back when she is feeling a little stronger.

And can have a nice day without her supposedly nearest and dearest moaning about waiting while she rests.

You go out for someone’s birthday, you meet their needs.

With all due respect, especially given the situation at hand, the greater good was achieved via the most being and enjoying the day, vs the number that could not.
Hope I've said that with sensitivity to the situation

OP are you sure you want this thread left up? Just thinking it seems like exactly the sort of thing the DM/MSN news or whichever site 'journos' trawl for clickbait would jump on, and if your family are already unhappy about what happened doubt they will be impressed if they see it splashed all over the news - it's a very identifiable situation.

This only applies if all parties are starting from a position of equality. Sometimes the greatest good is done by prioritising those with the greatest need, and the measure should be qualitative not quantitative.

I think you should of all gone home and tried your absolute best to continue to make it a really special day for your niece. I think it’s awful and terribly sad that you thought it was okay to carry on without her there. You could easily have promised your nephew and son a day out at a theme park at another time very soon.
it was her day and you thought it okay to pile on the disappointment … that’s totally unacceptable.

You didn't ruin your niece's birthday. The fact that she was ill ruined her day. How dare your Mum put that all on you? It's kind of toxic.

The end results was 1 miserable child vs 4 miserable children, so best outcome in a bad situation.

I think niece is upset due to your mum’s behaviour. She has egged this on.

What would everyone leaving have achieved?

Wouldn't the little girl have felt worse that no one could enjoy the theme park?

I think it's tricky because although Op's mum bought the tickets Op & her family had driven for some time to get there & they were already there & the tickets used.

What an unhappy situation, OP. There's no right or wrong IMO, but I don't think your mother's attitude is reasonable given that your sister was happy to let your nephew stay.

Had it been any other day then staying was the best but on her birthday no way, she'll remember that forever, traumatic memory. Why couldn't you all have went home, maybe picked up some treats, special cupcakes etc and had a movie day, something that would have been enjoyable for everyone and she could have partaken in?

Yes, this is what I would have done. Basically, it was HER day and she should have been put first on her birthday. Poor little girl - what a sad situation.

Actually, despite over a decade here, I can never spot a reverse, but...is this a reverse?

There does seem to be a marked lack of compassion in your posts.

I can’t understand the thinking behind staying with everyone else when birthday girl who is very poorly wasn’t able to stay. Seems really unkind.

It wouldn’t cross my mind to stay without her.

I'd have asked my sister what she wanted us to do to make this the least awful it could be for DN and left it entirely up to her.

Yes. I honestly don't think that it was your call to make OP.

(Or your mum's for that matter)

Tbh I think it was ridiculous of your parents to plan and pay for an attraction that was definitely going to have that affect on your niece. What were they thinking and why did you all agree to it?!

You gave your nephew a lovely day with his cousins. He’ll remember that for a long time. That’s all. You did the right thing for everyone concerned.

I disagree that she should have been put first. Due to her diagnosis she will have always been put first. Her brother will have really suffered by having to come second. It can't be helped. And is not any ones fault. It is what it is.

You did the right thing, it sounds like your nieve was in no fit state to carry on anything at home, siblings often get forgotten about in situations like this. He's suffering too, his world has changed, he'll be carrying worry and guilt for his sibling. None of the children could help your niece at that time. For now you're probably all better off forgetting dates and concentrating on when she has good days to celebrate and have fun.

For what it's worth I also think it was badly planned, a hotel stay would have taken a lot of the pressure off.....and I'm.not sure if you've heard of Merlins magic wand but you can apply for.free theme Park tickets for people in your situation. You can even get help with travel.costs.