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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for not leaving amusement park early when my niece had to because she was sick?

226 replies

mestomlin · 02/12/2022 17:12

My niece has cancer and my parents wanted to make her birthday decided to pay for the entire family to go to an amusement park. So the people who went were my niece, her brother, their mum (my sister), our mum and dad, my husband, my son, and I.

Not long after we get to the park my niece starts to not feel well. She ends up getting sick. After a while of resting she doesn’t feel better and we notice she has a fever. My sister decided that they needed to take her home. Since we drove separately my husband, our kids, and I were going to stay.

At that point my nephew starts to get upset that he’s going to be leaving with them. My parents start to scold him for yelling, but being that I know he often has to give up things because of his sister being sick I felt bad for him. So, I offer watch him for the rest of the day and say we can drive him home.

My mum pulled me aside and said we should all leave early so we don’t make my niece feel bad about being the only kid that had to go home early. After the long drive to get there I didn’t think it was fair to expect the other kids to leave after not even having gone on a ride. By that point they had spent hours in the car driving there and sitting on benches resting. My mum said that since she and my dad paid for the tickets it should be up to them whether we stay or go home early.

In the end I stood firm that me, my husband, and son were staying. My sister also let her son stay with us too. We had a good time and got some souvenirs and treats for my niece. When we got back and dropped off my nephew. My sister looked exhausted and said her daughter had been crying the whole day because she had to leave early. My mum has since said that I ruined my nieces birthday by making her feel left out.

OP posts:
SkylightSkylight · 02/12/2022 17:39

saraclara · 02/12/2022 17:22

What did your sister want you to do? She attacked and paid for the trip and niece is her daughter. So it's not really your mums view that matters.

No, the Grandmother paid for the theme park, but once paid for it's not really reasonable to dictate when people leave.

im sure she was just naturally upset for her Grandaughter, but she was wrong to try to make everyone else leave. She could have just said she hoped they all had a nice day then done what her Grandaughter wanted her to do (go back to her house to play/read to her etc or to stay at the park or go back to her own house).

Itsabitnotcold · 02/12/2022 17:39

There's was really no right answer. It's It's rubbish situation. But I think it was good for your nephew to not miss out, just not ideal it was her birthday.

thelobsterquadrille · 02/12/2022 17:39

Wannakisstheteacher · 02/12/2022 17:20

I could never have stayed when my niece, who has cancer, was too unwell to, on her birthday 😱 Jesus Christ, you could have taught your kids some empathy. Missing a day out to celebrate the birthday of someone with cancer who has to go home is not exactly the end of the world, is it?!

What would be the benefit to everyone going home? It may make the niece feel less left out, but the resentment from the other kids would have been huge.

The adults should have reassured the niece that she could come back another day and left the other children to enjoy the day. Expecting children to sit in the car on the way to a theme park, go in and then go straight home again is hugely unfair.

FourTeaFallOut · 02/12/2022 17:43

What would be the benefit to everyone going home? It may make the niece feel less left out, but the resentment from the other kids would have been huge

It depends, does everyone just go home in this sliding doors alternative or would they all go to her home to have a quieter celebration of her birthday? One in which she didn't spend it crying all day.

3luckystars · 02/12/2022 17:44

It was an awful situation, you did what you thought was best for the other children, I can see why you did. I’m so so sorry about your niece.

CarefreeMe · 02/12/2022 17:44

I get the reasoning behind it.
It was niece’s birthday, she’s got cancer and then she had to go home I’ll knowing everyone else was having fun without her.

However, YANBU it’s such a waste of money for everyone to have left early and it’s not fair on the other kids to have their day ruined.

I would have said we’ll all do something with niece again incase she’s better.

I’m really glad you kept your nephew with you.

SylvanianFrenemies · 02/12/2022 17:45

What a terrible situation.
I think by allowing your nephew to stay you made the best of it.

NannyGythaOgg · 02/12/2022 17:45

I think you did the right thing.

For what it's worth - I think it was probably not the best idea to go to a theme park for her birthday in the circumstances. Cancer treatment often leaves people tired, lethargic and nauseous. Some kind of gentler activity would probably have been more appropriate. Save the theme park for when she's hopefully better.

I suspect that your Mum maybe felt a bit guilty for arranging something inappropriate and took it out on you.

AxolotlEars · 02/12/2022 17:48

My daughter had cancer (A.L.L) and I have other children. As a mum in that situation I would be profoundly grateful that you had offered to do that for my other children. It's sad that it was best for a poorly child to go home but I wouldn't make the well child suffer as well. Cancer is a nightmare to navigate as a family

Blueberrycreampie · 02/12/2022 17:49

I am entirely in agreement with your decision to stay. It's very hard on your niece but at least the other kids got to enjoy a nice day out.

Americano75 · 02/12/2022 17:49

God, that's such a hard situation but on balance I think you did the right thing.

Your poor niece, she's the same age as my own daughter and it's not fair she should be suffering. How is she doing, is her treatment helping?

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/12/2022 17:50

You made the best choice in a bad situation.

I wouldn’t be too hard on your mum, it’s a terribly stressful time for everyone.

Just point out to her firmly but gently that this is the case, and move the conversation on to another small celebration for your niece.

Got2besoon · 02/12/2022 17:52

What a shitty thing for you all to be dealing with, I'm so sorry op.

I would have done the same as you and hopefully DN can have another party arranged for when she's better.

Wannakisstheteacher · 02/12/2022 17:52

Why would they be so resentful? They don’t have cancer and it wasn’t their birthday. Even my 9 year old would have got the concept. I would have gone with a breezy “well all come again when niece feels better, let’s go home and get takeaway and watch a film.

Got2besoon · 02/12/2022 17:54

If DN was well enough for the others to come back with her and have a chilled out party at home, sure, should have been considered.

But it sounds like she was vomiting and really unwell, so presumably straight to bed?

Snoopystick · 02/12/2022 17:55

Upsetting for all of you and no right answer. Can you organise a small celebration for your niece - maybe watch her favourite film all together and have popcorn and a birthday cake?

Dacadactyl · 02/12/2022 17:55

This situation must be so hard for your nephew. His sister being ill and the family seeming to always revolve around her. You did the right thing by staying and letting him stay with you.

thelobsterquadrille · 02/12/2022 17:56

Wannakisstheteacher · 02/12/2022 17:52

Why would they be so resentful? They don’t have cancer and it wasn’t their birthday. Even my 9 year old would have got the concept. I would have gone with a breezy “well all come again when niece feels better, let’s go home and get takeaway and watch a film.

Because they're children, and the nephew in particular has probably already missed out on a lot because of his sisters' diagnosis.

It's not the niece's fault she's unwell, but it's not their fault either. They were already at the park and the tickets had been paid for - it doesn't make sense for everyone to miss out and go home.

thelobsterquadrille · 02/12/2022 17:57

FourTeaFallOut · 02/12/2022 17:43

What would be the benefit to everyone going home? It may make the niece feel less left out, but the resentment from the other kids would have been huge

It depends, does everyone just go home in this sliding doors alternative or would they all go to her home to have a quieter celebration of her birthday? One in which she didn't spend it crying all day.

If she's that unwell, would she have been up for celebrating at all?

woodhill · 02/12/2022 17:58

Yanbu

You looked after your ds's dc.

I would have done the same

Ittybittytittycomittee · 02/12/2022 17:59

I doubt that your nice holds it against you and unlikely you've ruined her birthday. It sounds more like your mum is pissed off because you wouldn't do what she suggested.

woodhill · 02/12/2022 17:59

Good idea about doing a cake and celebrating when she's feeling better

BellePeppa · 02/12/2022 18:01

Wannakisstheteacher · 02/12/2022 17:20

I could never have stayed when my niece, who has cancer, was too unwell to, on her birthday 😱 Jesus Christ, you could have taught your kids some empathy. Missing a day out to celebrate the birthday of someone with cancer who has to go home is not exactly the end of the world, is it?!

But the niece could have felt really bad the rest of the children had to leave. It was literally a situation with no ideal solution.

mestomlin · 02/12/2022 18:02

@Snoopystick She did actually already have a small birthday party on her actual birthday on the Thursday before last.

OP posts:
Sindonym · 02/12/2022 18:05

I think you made the right decision, not least because it would allow her mum time to concentrate on her and not have to worry about her bother. It would have been better if your mum had concentrated on doing something different with your niece - a different way to make a special day, maybe a big gift from the gift shop on the way out - or reassured her she could have a special visit there when feeling better.