Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for not leaving amusement park early when my niece had to because she was sick?

226 replies

mestomlin · 02/12/2022 17:12

My niece has cancer and my parents wanted to make her birthday decided to pay for the entire family to go to an amusement park. So the people who went were my niece, her brother, their mum (my sister), our mum and dad, my husband, my son, and I.

Not long after we get to the park my niece starts to not feel well. She ends up getting sick. After a while of resting she doesn’t feel better and we notice she has a fever. My sister decided that they needed to take her home. Since we drove separately my husband, our kids, and I were going to stay.

At that point my nephew starts to get upset that he’s going to be leaving with them. My parents start to scold him for yelling, but being that I know he often has to give up things because of his sister being sick I felt bad for him. So, I offer watch him for the rest of the day and say we can drive him home.

My mum pulled me aside and said we should all leave early so we don’t make my niece feel bad about being the only kid that had to go home early. After the long drive to get there I didn’t think it was fair to expect the other kids to leave after not even having gone on a ride. By that point they had spent hours in the car driving there and sitting on benches resting. My mum said that since she and my dad paid for the tickets it should be up to them whether we stay or go home early.

In the end I stood firm that me, my husband, and son were staying. My sister also let her son stay with us too. We had a good time and got some souvenirs and treats for my niece. When we got back and dropped off my nephew. My sister looked exhausted and said her daughter had been crying the whole day because she had to leave early. My mum has since said that I ruined my nieces birthday by making her feel left out.

OP posts:
Bunda · 02/12/2022 18:36

I think you did the right thing. Especially for your nephew who is probably in need of some extra love at the moment. X

Adviceneeded200 · 02/12/2022 18:39

I think you did the right thing.

My cousin had leukeamia when she was 8/9 and her brother went through the mill because he was always second fiddle to everything and people seemed to forget (in his case) was losing his sister. He became a nightmare to handle after a while and I'm sure it was because no one was listening to him.

You did absolutely the right thing, as did they. It was a lovely idea to try and give your niece a lovely birthday but sometimes cancer just doesn't allow it and, obviously, she was better leaving with company that could help her.

She didn't need an audience, she needed her parents and treatment/rest.

Blueblell · 02/12/2022 18:41

No you did the right thing, it is awful for your niece but your nephew probably needs a bit of respite and you allowed him to enjoy the rest of the day. Ultimately a theme park might not have been the right choice for her birthday treat, but you made the best of things.

BotterMon · 02/12/2022 18:42

Oh gosh that's a tough one. I think it's lovely you offered to take nephew for the day as he probably doesn't get the same attention as his sister, unfortunately it was his sister's special day. Can't do right for doing wrong in this case.
Hopefully you can all have another day when your niece feels up to it.

niugboo · 02/12/2022 18:43

Let’s break it down.

niece has cancer.
it was for her birthday.
she got ill.
she sat in the car for an hour.
she missed the theme park.

your kid does not have cancer
wasnt his birthday
was not ill
did sit in the car
didn’t miss out on theme park

Frankly unless your sister suggested you should have all left. Spoken to guess services on exit and asked for return tickets.

MargaretThursday · 02/12/2022 18:44

I think if it hadn't been her birthday then your reaction was correct.

As it was her birthday I think I'm less sure but on balance it would have been nicer to go home and perhaps take the other three out to something close to home and then have a little party in the evening.

However I think I'd have also tried finding a manager and explaining the situation and asking if they would give an exchange of tickets, and failing that, if we hadn't gone in, try writing to them and asking. I'll bet a fair number of them would have done that given the circumstance.

ThirdTimeIsTheCharm · 02/12/2022 18:44

All this sounds very strange. When my best friend's daughter had cancer, they would avoid like hell crowded places and covid didn't even exist then. They wouldn't go anywhere.
And whenever the little girl developed a fever, no matter how low, I was a race to hospital, not going home to rest.

TheOriginalEmu · 02/12/2022 18:47

if it was just a family day out I would say you weren’t unreasonable to stay. But given it was your nieces birthday, I think it’s extra hard on her to be the one missing out. So In that instance I would have left and asked the park if they wokls honor the tickets for another for you all to go.
but really it’s a no win situation.

TheHauntedPencilCase · 02/12/2022 18:47

Echoing others, it's a no win situation and you did the right thing. Had you all gone home everyone would have been miserable. Your poor niece, its really horrid for her but there was nothing you could do to make it better, everyone missing out wouldn't in reality have made it any better for her.

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/12/2022 18:47

Toddlerteaplease · 02/12/2022 17:25

Since the nephew has probably really missed out on a lot, and not has much attention due to his sisters illness. It's only fair he got a nice day out.

I agree. Siblings can suffer a lot through nobody's fault.

MolliciousIntent · 02/12/2022 18:49

I think the really unreasonable person here is whoever suggested taking a child with cancer to a theme park hours away!

rookiemere · 02/12/2022 18:49

musingsinmidlife · 02/12/2022 18:35

I think it is great to spend extra time with the nephew but not on niece's birthday and in lieu of celebrating with her.

For her to be at home alone, opening gifts alone, just mom to sing Happy Birthday and then having brother come home all excited about the amazing day he had - she already has cancer, being abandoned on her birthday had to feel extra crappy.

If a woman posted that she had cancer and was out for her birthday and got sick and her DH was like - well go home but I am not giving up a fun night out just because you are sick and he went and had a blast with others and then came home excited about the great time he had - and the OP felt hurt that he had chosen fun over supporting her on her birthday - I doubt the replies would be that he was in the right and yeah cancer sucks but she can't expect anyone to change their plans for her.

I don't think that's a fair analogy at all.

Dnephew is 11 and OP has said he has already missed many things because of his Dsis's illness.
Both DCs DM seemed happy for DNephew to stay at the time.

I agree with the poster who said that the best thing to have done was whiz the other DCs on the rides whilst Dniece rested, but hindsight is rarely useful.

declutteringmymind · 02/12/2022 18:51

You could have let niece go home for a rest, taken the others on a few rides then gone back to nieces for cake and play.

CloudBusted · 02/12/2022 18:52

I think that was a bit shitty actually. I think I’d have suggested everyone leave but talk to the staff to see how f they would reissue tickets or give a discount next time. I’d have then tried to make it nice for them all - duvets and films and booked in another day of fun when she was feeling better.

Your poor niece. What a horrible situation - knowing her family were with her in her sadness would have been so much nicer than knowing they were still having fun without her. She must have felt so abandoned and uncared about 🙁

I think that was a hugely selfish and thoughtless move OP. Sorry. YABVU IMO. I’d never have done that.

azimuth299 · 02/12/2022 18:53

I think you made the right choice in really tough circumstances. Poor niece was upset to miss out, but she would have been upset regardless of whether everyone else had to miss out too. It must be really awful for her, so it's no wonder that she was upset and that tensions are running high for everybody.

It was kind of you to consider your nephew, who is also having a rough time, and it would have been a big waste of time and money if you'd all left. I can see where your mum was coming from, but think that you made a the "least worst" decision in tricky circumstances.

Whityedain · 02/12/2022 18:54

Totally up to your sister and it sounds like she was pleased for your nephew to stay on. I imagine your niece being sick is hard for him so I personally feel like you did the right thing. What a tough time for you all x

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 02/12/2022 18:54

Why an earth did they take a little girl with cancer to a theme park? That's just piss poor planning.

YANBU though I'd of done the same but I would make a date with your niece to do something else to celebrate.

TirisfalPumpkin · 02/12/2022 18:55

Any other time, YANBU

Her birthday, YABU. It’s meant to be about her. I would make sure it’s made up to her soon.

blankittyblank · 02/12/2022 18:56

Wannakisstheteacher · 02/12/2022 17:20

I could never have stayed when my niece, who has cancer, was too unwell to, on her birthday 😱 Jesus Christ, you could have taught your kids some empathy. Missing a day out to celebrate the birthday of someone with cancer who has to go home is not exactly the end of the world, is it?!

The problem with this emotional reaction, is her brother is also hugely affected by her cancer . I say this as someone who has a child with leukaemia. So I think staying with the brother was actually a really lovely thing to do for him.

Tbh, having a day out to an amusement park was a bit of a stupid idea in the first place... nice intention but days out like this with a child in treatment is always a massive risk.

MCbadgelore · 02/12/2022 18:58

One of my kids had cancer age 6.

you absolutely did the right thing by ensuring your nephew got to have his planned day out.

A child of the family with life threatening diagnosis is a fucking horrible thing to live through and it causes all sorts of (initially unseen) mental health issues and relationship breakdowns amongst parents and siblings.

my stepdaughter developed an eating disorder while her little sister was ill and both mine and my daughter’s dad’s second marriages broke down. I’m still living with PTSD type symptoms now (she’s 3 years in remission).

I totally understand where your mum was coming from, but I think she was misguided. If your niece is anything like my DD she would’ve been more upset at ruining the day out for her siblings and cousins than she would’ve been at being the only child who had to go home.

Kids with cancer miss out on loads of stuff and they (sadly) get used to it. Fortunately they also get loads of treats. My daughter was treated like royalty in hospital and has had loads of days out and parties and presents from various small charities.

if your niece lives in the NW send me a PM and I’ll give you the name of a charity who will happily supply treats/gifts to your niece. We went to see Disney on Ice in a box, VIP entrance (no queue) and safe as possible for an immune suppressed person in public (plus room to lay down in the private room bit)!

in the meantime, thank you for giving your nephew the opportunity to have his planned day out ❤️

PickyEaters · 02/12/2022 18:58

The sibling of a sick child all too often gets overlooked. You did the right thing.

thelobsterquadrille · 02/12/2022 18:58

blankittyblank · 02/12/2022 18:56

The problem with this emotional reaction, is her brother is also hugely affected by her cancer . I say this as someone who has a child with leukaemia. So I think staying with the brother was actually a really lovely thing to do for him.

Tbh, having a day out to an amusement park was a bit of a stupid idea in the first place... nice intention but days out like this with a child in treatment is always a massive risk.

Precisely.

Siblings of children with cancer are so often forgotten about in scenarios like this. Life, understandably, becomes all about the cancer patient and the "healthy" child is expected to sacrifice a lot of normality for their sibling.

It was a badly planned trip and that's why it ended the way it did.

BabyFour2023 · 02/12/2022 19:00

TheFlis12345 · 02/12/2022 17:14

It was a lose lose situation to be honest, I can’t think of a scenario that would have not resulted in one or more kids being upset.

I agree with this. I’m sorry you were in this situation OP but fwiw I think you did the right thing for you son and your nephew. God only knows how much pain is in his future.

olympicsrock · 02/12/2022 19:02

LateAF · 02/12/2022 17:35

On a birthday of all days, it’s about whichever decision makes the birthday girl happiest. Your utilitarian approach of deciding based on the happiness of majority was not appropriate in those circumstances.

If you had all gone home with her, she would have had some company, and still felt like it was a celebration despite her illness. Yes, your nephew shouldn’t miss out on life in general because of his sister’s illness, but the time to put that into practice is not his sister’s birthday party. This was a real opportunity to teach your children solidarity and compassion.

I’m shocked at the votes to be honest.

If the birthday girl felt unwell sick then surely all she will want is to go home and rest. I can’t image she would want the others there.

I agree with others that for no one to enjoy the day is even worse than just the birthday girl missing out. Hopefully she can have another treat. Important for her brother to have a treat for once as I expect this has been hard on him too.

parsniiips · 02/12/2022 19:03

Tbh whoever decided a trip to a theme park was appropriate for a child with cancer must be bloody stupid.

It's absolutely freezing, she is obviously vulnerable to periods of feeling unwell, why do it?!

Surely something with less of a drive, indoors and warm and easy to sit and rest/watch without missing out on it all would have been more appropriate.

That aside, I think it was better to stay and keep your nephew for the day, though there are no winners in this situation.