DH WFHis not working

[Grumblegrumblegroan]

DH goes into his office 845 for his meeting. 2 yo ds cries as daddy has gone.

DH comes out of his office at 9 for breakfast.ds delighted.

DH goes back to his office at 930. Ds cries.

and out 945 for a poo

and back at 10

all.day.long.

Are you all on one level? I can see how that might be annoying. We both work from home on Fridays and share the childcare a half day each. Luckily we have a separate office and not all on the same level, so when working, we don’t have to see anyone.

You are being quite rude. Without seeing a floor plan of the OP’s house (which I don’t suggest they post) how could you possibly know?

I’m just having a moan @InBlue

Of course I’m not being purposefully obstructive, but if people are rude (and dramatic and weird certainly aren’t polite) then they do have to anticipate the responses they get will be similarly abrupt. I must admit I cannot see where I have tried to be purposefully obstructive but if you draw my attention to the post(s) that have bothered you perhaps we can move on then.

Did you conclude that nursery isn't working and showers aren't working, or did you just wait a coupleo of weeks until he got over it?

Thanks sparkling, I have to admit I did not think I was the one being rude.

I know MN is full of people insisting that they wfh and no one is aware of their existence and honestly I would be interested in seeing things from the other side as it were.

I manage and the post was meant in more of a wry oh ffs sort of way than a serious plea for help or advice. Ido suspect I am far from the only person not entirely delighted when their partner works from home.

Indeed, but dh has been wfh from March 2020. It has never been entirely without problems, some so small and petty they aren’t worth mentioning and some that have impacted in quite a serious way in how I live my life. As someone has said, it will get better, but having a home as a workplace is just not easy, it just isn’t.

I sympathise OP and I think you're getting a hard time here. My DH worked from home a lot during the pandemic. We have a really good office/study set up in what was the smallest bedroom and had one year 13 DD at home at the time.
It almost broke up our marriage (and I'm honestly not being dramatic). I had retired just before the pandemic so we were already adjusting to a new way of life. He hated being at home and missed the camaraderie of office working. I ended up going back to work part time just to give us some breathing space.
Like you, it was the being there but not being present which we both struggled with.
We probably have an almost perfect setting for home working but it was still awful. You're allowed to feel the way you do and a good conversation and boundaries on all sides are really important.

You aren’t, and you’re having a vent which is allowed! WFH is a very touchy subject on here for some reason.

@Grumblegrumblegroan Just at the start of the thread, several different people asking why your son can see when your DH goes for a poo, and no explanation. Most toilets are off a corridor aren’t they.

I am someone who WFH with young children long-term so just hard to picture the dilemma. Most obvious solution is keep the living room door shut, isn’t it. If that won’t work due to an unusual layout of your house, then change the room DH works in. Etc.

It is a touchy subject. I think (and I’ve noticed this before) it’s a combination of people who wfh and feel very protective over it and don’t like the suggestion that it might not be wonderful for everybody, and men who think we’re all SAHMs who sit on our bottoms watching This Morning all day. Who knows which category some of these posts belong in!

@choirmumoftwo relieved it isn’t just me although I feel for you.

we did actually move to the weird house this year and when we were house hunting saw a lot on the market because couples were breaking up!

So it's only one day a week it's an issue? I'd just deal with it, explain to ds that daddy is working and will be finished at whatever time. Once it's a routine you'll be fine.

Me and DH both wfh, me full time and him 3 days a week. It works really well, even when dc are here they know when one of us is working and not to interrupt if we're in a meeting (although the 3yo does make appearances when he's at home, likes to sit on my lap and 'work' on my personal laptop with a headset on).

You can't really tell him not to poo, surely one of the great perks of home working is a poo in peace!

That’s a very accurate summary I think. If it works for the whole family then brilliant but there’s loads of ways it might not and people don’t want to hear it.

I am dealing with it @RagingWoke . One of the ways I deal with things is to have a moan

I have sympathy OP. I've worked from home for many years and my children did get used to it - when in the office, I'm working. Saying that, I do agree that it is not a good trend for homes to be repurposed as workplaces. Surely hybrid working has to be the way forward - if he was WFH a couple of days a week that would be a lot more manageable?

Where is his office in relation to where you and DS spend the majority of your time
OP?

I don’t think the poster who said the word dramatic was being at all rude either fwiw. That was a normal post to me. And I don’t think saying “your house layout sounds weird” was rude either. But we all have different thresholds for what we find rude.

Dh doesn’t really want to hear it.

And of course it has its upsides. He doesn’t have to commute, he’s around if there’s a an emergency (last week ds was ill and sleeping and I had to go and get a prescription so I could just leave a sleeping ds) and so on.

But there are times when trying to combine a family home with a workplace and it shouldn’t be wrong to say this.

This is why I don’t work from home when my children are at home - it’s unfair on everyone.

im sure it will work better when they’re older

i also don’t think my husband should have to take the children out all day so that I can WFH. If he has already planned a day trip then great, but it’s not fair to force it

We both wfh, DH started during covid when DD was one and now has a different job which is fully remote. It works well for us and for lots of people we know so it’s not a universal problem for the families of wfh employees. It’s also not the case that most wfh people have an alternative to home, I don’t know why people assume they do. DH company is international and the workforce is fully remote bar occasional conferences.

Having a separate work space is essential if possible and DS will get used to it again. It’s fine to have a moan that it’s unsettling but it sounds like it’s only an issue once a week. There are probably benefits to it as well. DD sees loads more of both us than our generation did. We eat lunch together if timings work, no commute which maximises both work and family time, we’re saving money and using the car much less.

I think calling someone dramatic (especially when they’re not being) and saying their house must be weird (without ever seeing it) is rude. 🤷‍♀️

I WFH and DH is at home with the baby full time and the toddler 2 days a week. It's not always easy but it works so well for our family.

Weird is rude. Come on, it is. You wouldn’t say (I hope) someone has a weird accent or their dress is weird.

Dramatic is unpleasant and spiteful perhaps, rather than rude.

I am sure wfh works well for some people. And I have no doubt it has has much to do with personality as everything else. I like having DH around, he is a friend, a source of support, he is a kind, decent man. None of this is a criticism of him personally.

But, I struggle when he is here but not here. And the fact our home is his office does come with problems, for me.

I hope DH isn’t announcing his poos to the household 😂I am struggling to picture this too

Where do you work?