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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH WFHis not working

262 replies

Grumblegrumblegroan · 02/12/2022 09:03

DH goes into his office 845 for his meeting. 2 yo ds cries as daddy has gone.

DH comes out of his office at 9 for breakfast.ds delighted.

DH goes back to his office at 930. Ds cries.

and out 945 for a poo

and back at 10

all.day.long.

OP posts:
InBlue · 02/12/2022 12:17

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2022 12:12

This is so bizarre

Ain't that the truth-the whole thread.

and yet you thinking that a four-bedroom house is small still manages to be the weirdest bit.

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2022 12:18

InBlue · 02/12/2022 12:17

and yet you thinking that a four-bedroom house is small still manages to be the weirdest bit.

Show quote history

I think the weirdest bit was you thinking I'm the OP.

InBlue · 02/12/2022 12:18

Like PPs I do now remember another “hate the sense of my husband being in the same house” thread, think it was months ago though.

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2022 12:19

A lot of people started WFH over the last few years this can't have been the only thread where someone was finding it less than ideal.

InBlue · 02/12/2022 12:21

This reply has been deleted

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Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2022 12:26

Seems you find an awful lot of things weird @InBlue

SaladBarNanny · 02/12/2022 12:26

Sympathies OP. My ex used to choose to work from home, years ago when we had a toddler DC.

He would deliberately WFH on my non-working day so he could "spend time with us", park himself in the living room, take and make calls whenever he wanted regardless of us, make comments on what I was or wasn't doing that day with DC.

I resented it hugely. I asked him not to, but he got all offended saying I was making him unwelcome. Well, a WFH person in a living space is unwelcome!

Slightly different from your situation, but I sympathise anyway.

Blanketpolicy · 02/12/2022 12:26

I get it. Being complete selfish, if I had two days week off work mid week I'd like the house to myself too (sorry dh!). It does change the dynamic of those days having someone (even someone you like!) else in the house.

If it helps any, I WFH so see if from the other side and when dh is messing about in the house (he is self employed so has variable hours), or even ds(18), I find it distracting even knowing he is there or if I can hear him (noisily) emptying the dishwasher/making breakfast etc. It annoys me when he theatrically sneaks into my "office" to get something - just fucking walk in, it's not a big deal, get what you need and go! And do not get me started on the world cup!

I have a couple of days off next week, and I know dh will probably be home for parts of the day. I wish he would just piss off in the morning and come back at the end of the working day so I can just chill.

But, bigger picture is it is your dh's home too, he has as much right to be there as you do whatever he is doing, you just need to keep secretly wishing you had the place to yourself!

NoSquirrels · 02/12/2022 12:28

SaladBarNanny · 02/12/2022 12:26

Sympathies OP. My ex used to choose to work from home, years ago when we had a toddler DC.

He would deliberately WFH on my non-working day so he could "spend time with us", park himself in the living room, take and make calls whenever he wanted regardless of us, make comments on what I was or wasn't doing that day with DC.

I resented it hugely. I asked him not to, but he got all offended saying I was making him unwelcome. Well, a WFH person in a living space is unwelcome!

Slightly different from your situation, but I sympathise anyway.

I think the very key point here is that now he’s an ex. As should any ‘partner’ end up who is so oblivious to the needs of the other people they live with.

Original poster
Grumblegrumblegroan · 02/12/2022 12:35

I don’t think our house is massively small but it also isn’t so big that I (and DS) don’t notice DH moving around in it. I’m not sure why that’s controversial - he notices us as well.

It is indeed a strange thread. I wish I was sparkling as I could use a visit to the pub after it!

OP posts:
Glamperr · 02/12/2022 12:41

@Grumblegrumblegroan In your first post you said your toddler is delighted and then cries as your husband comes in and out his
office.

Now you’re saying you “notice him
moving around”. Sorry I don’t get it? Is DH popping his head in each time and winding your toddler up? You should tell
him to stop. Or are you merely annoyed you can hear him moving around yourself - if so then I don’t get your first post about your son?

Original poster
Grumblegrumblegroan · 02/12/2022 12:48

@Glamperr
Yes, the thread evolved. People were arguing about the size of the house and I explained that while I do not think it is a particularly small house nor is it so big that someone moving around in it goes unnoticed. I didn’t expand on exactly what this noticing looked like.

OP posts:
InBlue · 02/12/2022 12:50

This reply has been deleted

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Ilovemybed2022 · 02/12/2022 12:53

Perhaps off topic; but everyone here seems to think you can time / schedule a poo! Is this a thing? I just need one when I need one!

Original poster
Grumblegrumblegroan · 02/12/2022 12:55

Same, although I do suspect DH times his for when a nappy needs changing (light hearted …)

and on that happy note …

OP posts:
Orangepolentacake · 02/12/2022 12:56

FuckabethFuckor · 02/12/2022 09:31

‘Women! Help schedule your menfolk’s poos!’

🤣

Ilovemybed2022 · 02/12/2022 12:57

OP can we have a floor plan for your house? Just that I’m nosey.

I wfh. And absolutely hate when DH and DS are about when I’m working (and especially when DH comments from how many loo breaks/ snack breaks/ fannying about breaks) I have

SaladBarNanny · 02/12/2022 12:58

@NoSquirrels no argument from me on that point.

PumperQuarter · 02/12/2022 12:58

I am in this same boat and it is SO annoying. DP recognises it's an issue and tries to schedule things to avoid some of the worst of it (after a lot of stern chats from me about how disruptive it is). It's temporary for us as I'm on mat leave so our son will be in nursery soon. I said he'd need to convince work to have him in office at least a few days a week or rent a coworking space if it were to be a long-term arrangement.
No solutions for you, but solidarity. It's so rough and, as you say, makes home feel like more of an office than a quiet space for raising a little one.

Tashface · 02/12/2022 13:06

OP, a few people have asked why can't DH work in one of the bedrooms? That's assuming there is one upstairs that he could use.

Ponderingwindow · 02/12/2022 13:10

We luckily didn’t have this problem with DH wfh, but the days that I was working, dd was a mess if I left my office. Luckily we were able to arrange things so I could work in a room with an en-suite. I went into work in the morning and would try not to leave until the end of the day. DH would deliver my lunch and I would bring drinks in with me ahead of time.

the onus should be on the worker to stay discrete and mitigate the problem, not on the parent dealing with the child. If they do need to leave the office, a text to the parent to arrange a window where child can be moved to another part of the house and distracted can be used. It just shouldn’t be done lightly because it’s intrusive.

Original poster
Grumblegrumblegroan · 02/12/2022 13:10

He could but we do sometimes go upstairs so it would reverse everything. Plus, the bedrooms are just not as well set up for a laptop and printer as the home office.

@PumperQuarter same, we have talked about it but we of course are going to notice one another if we’re all at home.

OP posts:
MNHQ
LivMumsnet · 02/12/2022 13:53

Afternoon all - we're just bobbing on here to say that we've had to delete a fair few troll hunting posts. We always delete these sorts of posts as they're against our Talk Guidelines and they also only serve to derail threads and upset other MNers. If the troll hunting continues, we may have to consider removing the entire thread.

Peace and love.

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 14:15

So you have

moved house

discussed it

And at least a semi spacious property

So…. Now’t more it would seem you can do. Afraid you gotta suck it up on your 2 days or…. Sit down with a coffee and… gasp, have a chat about things

YukoandHiro · 02/12/2022 16:19

@MarianneVos temperament of the child?