Page 6 | DH WFHis not working

Grumblegrumblegroan · 2022-12-02T09:03:11+00:00

DH goes into his office 845 for his meeting. 2 yo ds cries as daddy has gone. DH comes out of his office at 9 for breakfast.ds delighted. DH goes back to his office at 930. Ds cries. and out 945 for a poo and back at 10 all.day.long.

NoSquirrels · 02/12/2022 10:34

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 10:31

Sorry if missed but what do you do when your son is at nursery?

OP is at work!

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 10:34

Grumblegrumblegroan · 02/12/2022 10:31

I'm saying you haven't had the experience of your partner working full time out of the home while trying to work yourself and looking after multiple small children

Yes … But in fact I have.

And you seem to think that because DH wfh some days he does the nursery runs and / or the childcare. He doesn’t. That’s what confused me and promoted the comment about not all marriages being identical.

so you have more than one child?

Emmy90 · 02/12/2022 10:34

I think OHs WFH/away FH when you have a young family can be a bit of a grass is greener thing...

I can totally understand where your coming from. I only work 4 days (wfh) and our 2 year old is at grandparents/nursery those days. On my day off with him my parter was WHF.
And we experienced exactly what you did!

My lb is very much a daddy's boy! So when he knows he's at home he just wants to be with him.

OH has started going into the office on those days when he can and if he's going to be around I try and make sure we're out for as much of the working day as possible. (Not always easy as we have swimming lessons smack bang in the middle of the day).

As others have said there are benefits to him being at home too.

I don't really have any advice but just wanted to show your not alone, hopefully its just a phase they will grow through Xxx

InBlue · 02/12/2022 10:35

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/12/2022 10:23

Where has the OP even mentioned anything to do with the kayout of her home, in order for you to critique it?

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Did ya read the thread? First post OP says her son is disturbed every time her husband goes to the toilet or to the kitchen. Lots of posters asking for more details on house layout and why this is the case. Thanks.

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 10:36

Grumblegrumblegroan · 02/12/2022 10:08

Yes, @Liorae I have a job. I work three days a week and have two days at week caring for our toddler. I assume you ask because if one is not working you believe they get no say over their shared home. I do not agree with this view.

he could go back to the office full or part time but he doesn’t @openinggambit . He generally goes in on a Tuesday. Must be when most of the people from his team are in.

2 days a week? Oh I thought every day.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/12/2022 10:36

xogossipgirlxo · 02/12/2022 10:29

Ageee re breakfast, but plan poo? LOL

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Another pp put that better than me - if he has his breakfast earlier he may want his poo earlier. But no obviously no one can help it if they want a poo - just generally he could try to minimise going in and out

MilkyYay · 02/12/2022 10:36

Your two year old needs to get used to daddy being in the house but working/unavailable.

It might mean a rethink on where your DH works to minimise constantly encountering him in & out but as a pp said, we've always had this & never had an issue with it.

Original poster

Grumblegrumblegroan · 02/12/2022 10:36

Please take your full stops and capital letters elsewhere @Feef83 .

@AdoraBell in fairness DS doesn’t really go into the office area but of course Dh can’t literally stay in it all day.

we are over two years into this and problems have been ironed out and spoken about and laid on the table. Dh still has a far better deal than I do, and you know what I’m actually OK with that. But I do reserve my right to the odd moan on here too

OP posts:

Sleepyquest · 02/12/2022 10:37

Hmmm I WFH and one day of the week the babies are here and we all like it because I can pop and see them for cuddles and DH can go and use the toilet In peace 😄 we all have lunch together and sometimes have a quick lunchtime walk. I can understand your frustration but look at the benefits 😊

RishisProudMum · 02/12/2022 10:37

parietal · 02/12/2022 09:13

are you & DS at home all day? can you take DS out? as much as possible. build yourself a schedule of Monday - library / Tuesday - toddler group / Wednesday - park / etc.

when DH comes out of his office, does he stop to chat to you & DS or not? Maybe he should learn NOT to stop and chat in work time (only lunch time) and not engage DS so that DS is not miserable when DH goes again.

Some people don’t want to go out as much as possible. I find the idea of having to do something every day to be profoundly depressing.

Liorae · 02/12/2022 10:37

Grumblegrumblegroan · 02/12/2022 10:08

Yes, @Liorae I have a job. I work three days a week and have two days at week caring for our toddler. I assume you ask because if one is not working you believe they get no say over their shared home. I do not agree with this view.

he could go back to the office full or part time but he doesn’t @openinggambit . He generally goes in on a Tuesday. Must be when most of the people from his team are in.

No I ask because you seem to feel you have sole jurisdiction over the home and I wonder why.

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 10:37

This issue aside… I am guessing there are other problems in your marriage?

BloodAndFire · 02/12/2022 10:38

Grumblegrumblegroan · 02/12/2022 10:31

I'm saying you haven't had the experience of your partner working full time out of the home while trying to work yourself and looking after multiple small children

Yes … But in fact I have.

And you seem to think that because DH wfh some days he does the nursery runs and / or the childcare. He doesn’t. That’s what confused me and promoted the comment about not all marriages being identical.

I didn't say anything at all about school runs or childcare. Are you confusing me with another poster?

I said "emergencies, deliveries".

So for example - if your youngest child is really ill with a fever and asleep in bed, you don't have to take them out in the pouring rain to collect older children from school.

If you're expecting an important delivery and it clashes with the school run, he can probably answer the door.

Plus, your partner is home and able to participate in family life the moment he finishes work, not 1.5 hours later after a long tiring journey, and is around in the mornings until he starts work.

All of these things are a huge help.

I really am genuinely giving up now though. Loads of people have asked questions and made constructive suggestions and you've refused to engage with anyone.

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 10:38

Op…. 6 pages in and you haven’t one mentioned raising this with your dh

luxxlisbon · 02/12/2022 10:39

If you are at home with the toddler 2 days then I don’t get why this is only an issue on Friday? What is different about the other day that it doesn’t bother you as much?

123woop · 02/12/2022 10:40

My DH works from home and it's the best thing ever 😂 especially when our daughter was a baby - he'd bring me a crumpet when he'd finished his first meeting of the morning, and then make me a tea on his other breaks and a sandwich during lunch.

FelizNavicrab · 02/12/2022 10:40

All things have downsides, I think.

Going into an office every day has downsides (money, unavailabiluty), going in sometimes has downsides (unpredictability, never being on the 'right days'), never going into an office has downsides (using home as an office, feeling stuck within the same 4 walls).

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2022 10:40

So for example - if your youngest child is really ill with a fever and asleep in bed, you don't have to take them out in the pouring rain to collect older children from school

If you're expecting an important delivery and it clashes with the school run, he can probably answer the door.

Both sound great in theory but if on that all important zoom call/meeting or a tight deadline and the feverish child wakes up and needs things then you’ve a problem.

HoppingPavlova · 02/12/2022 10:41

But there are times when trying to combine a family home with a workplace and it shouldn’t be wrong to say this.

This is dramatic though, and so are your solutions such as ‘have to leave the house’. Long before Covid I shared work/home with DH (we tried to work different days/shifts to avoid childcare so share both work and stay at home parent duties). On the times I was home, not working, overlapping with DH not working, I would frequently get phone calls from work where I needed to ‘step in and out’ to assist/address things. Unavoidable as was literally life and death stuff. The kids (toddler/young child stage) may have cracked it at these times as ‘wanted mum’ but DH never did and just managed it. No PA actions needed like storming off to a park as they needed to be out of the house!

KatyClair · 02/12/2022 10:41

Your son will get used to it as he gets older.
Suggest your husband is in a room upstairs with a door closed? I expect you’re generally downstairs and if upstairs for naps etc, husbands door is closed so shouldn’t be an issue. Maybe ask husband if he could go in to the office on a Friday to help you out?
It’s only two days a week so surely can’t be a massive issues!

BiasedBinding · 02/12/2022 10:42

123woop · 02/12/2022 10:40

My DH works from home and it's the best thing ever 😂 especially when our daughter was a baby - he'd bring me a crumpet when he'd finished his first meeting of the morning, and then make me a tea on his other breaks and a sandwich during lunch.

It wasn’t like this for me, he wasn’t able to have regular breaks like that to bring me things

NoSquirrels · 02/12/2022 10:42

It basically sounds like OP’s husband, despite being a lovely man etc etc is one of those who just does his own thing regardless and OP is stuck with it. Especially if he does no childcare or nursery runs I’d be moaning too. I wouldn’t think he was a lovely man, though. He’d have to have some sort of major redeeming quality in order to put up with me pretzeling my life into shape around his.

BloodAndFire · 02/12/2022 10:43

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2022 10:40

So for example - if your youngest child is really ill with a fever and asleep in bed, you don't have to take them out in the pouring rain to collect older children from school

If you're expecting an important delivery and it clashes with the school run, he can probably answer the door.

Both sound great in theory but if on that all important zoom call/meeting or a tight deadline and the feverish child wakes up and needs things then you’ve a problem.

It's not just in theory. Yes, it's not ideal but it's massively preferable to having to wake them up and take them out in cold weather with a fever.

When I was admitted to hospital as an emergency and had my 2 yr old with me, it would have made a huge difference if my husband had been there and not over an hour's commute away.

Some things take precedence over even important deadlines and having another parent around in emergencies is great in practice, not just 'in theory'.

Glamperr · 02/12/2022 10:44

Reading between the lines it sounds like you resent your husband for his flexible job where we can eat breakfast and have long poos. Lol. “Dh still has a far better deal than I do, and you know what I’m actually OK with that.” Are you?

Is DS a particularly hard two year old?

Having two days a week to spend with your child actually sounds lovely. I’d love to afford that. But grass is always greener I spose.

Hoppinggreen · 02/12/2022 10:44

Many years ago DH was offered a WFH position, we had a 2 year old.
I strongly suggested he ask them to rent him an office for at least part of the week, which they did.
I think coping with a 2 year old and a WFH DH is very difficult and I would be asking him to at least explore alternatives