Come and share your "No, where are you REALLY from?" experiences...

[CupOfCake]

I'm writing this as I feel some people just don't get it. Happy to accept that it's difficult to understand why this question might be so offensive as, well, surely it's just a question...

I am British, I am English. I was born here. I have never lived anywhere else. My mother is English and she brought me up. My childhood was full of cold beach holidays and chattering aunties on the South Coast. Her family are British, going back many, many generations. All of my cultural references are British. My accent couldn't really be more British.

My father's family were originally from a Hispanic country.
SO, whilst being British, I also happen to be slightly brown, kind of very light brown olive/bit of a tan colour with brown eyes and brown hair.

I could not possibly say the number of times I have aggressively been asked, "NO! Where are you REALLY from?"

I have been told "Well, you're definitely not British" many, many times. Or told: "Well you would think that, because you're not from here." in response to any kind of disagreement regarding anything political.

I usually say originally, London (I don't live in London, so it's a logical answer). This reply is rarely enough for the majority of people.
"No, but where are you..?"
I explain which part of London. I then talk about what is basically my cultural heritage - South of England.

Anyone who has experienced this knows what the conversation is REALLY about.

"I'm English." I say.

People then often start to get annoyed. "Where are your parents from?"

Now, because I am sadly a bit of a people pleaser, I will inevitably at some point say, "Oh, well my grandmother was from..." this particular country (prefer not to say on here).

They then relax, smile and say "Ah, you're from [x country]."
"No," I explain, "I am English."
"So," they ask, "how often do you go back home?"

Yes the words GO BACK HOME. These are not obviously swivel-eyed racists. These are people of all ages and many different backgrounds, often the sort of veggie lefties who all think they're so very super right on.

UNFORTUNATELY, MANY BRITISH PEOPLE WILL REFUSE TO ACCEPT ME AS BRITISH/ENGLISH.

Occasionally they'll ask how long I've lived in England, or how I find the rain/ cold weather.

So, why don't I just answer the long version from the start? Well, then forever more I will be CupOfCake from [x country]. In fact, this happened throughout my 20s.

Just to be clear. I don't mind discussing my heritage, in fact I love it.

I just don't want anyone to ask me how often I "GO BACK" to anywhere other than London. Why? because I am English.

I don't want to have to (yet again) defend my right to be simultaneously English and light brown.

I don't want to be told that I don't belong in MY country, that I was BORN in and have LIVED in for over 50 years.

Anyone else care to share?

"I get asked where I'm from when I'm on holiday and I don't get offended"

Seriously? Are y'all so thick to actually, genuinely believe that this is the same as what has been narrated by OP and others in this thread?

God help us then if that's the case.

She was from Brazil. She didn't mind me asking

Because she was from Brazil and didn't have a british accent!

I give up.

If you are eastern European I can imagine you face racism. I think the referendum and the events post referendum showed us that. If you are a Irish traveller you probably get more racism that most other people. I've never seen so much blatant and over racism as seems to be acceptable against against travellers. If you are German I would really hbe curious about your experiences of racism in the UK and how often they happen.

@goldfinchfan

'The old white upper classes' are obsessed by their own pedigrees and the necessity of only mixing with and especially marrying 'our kind of people'.

Inquiries into the 'pedigree' of other people trip off their tongues very easily because this is something always at the back of their minds. The world they live in is one where caste is important. They feel a need to 'place' others within the system.

They use terms like 'his people' /'her people' - meaning ancestors and relatives generally - when talking about each other's deeds or properties or whatever. They are conscious of who is 'connected' to whom through marriage.

The Lord Peter Wimsey books of Dorothy L. Sayers provide a picture of the world where a certain class of people behaved and thought in these terms. Clearly some still do.

That's quite common in the US to be assumed as being from Australia etc., when I said I was from Northern England on more than one occasion someone said Oh, you mean Scartland!

It depends on context. Most of the time it's just asked out of curiosity with no bad intentions.

I’m Spanish (but now nationalised British). I’ve been here for 20+ years. I recently retrained in a different field.

At a work conference this summer someone asked me if, now that I have my degree, I am going back to Spain.

You need to move yourself right now. I never told you ANYTHING. I spoke upon MY experience as mixed person okayyyyy.

Slavery films consist of the slaves been black and the WHITE man ruling the roast. OP thread is not about the Irish so I won't get into what you are saying I will shut you straight down.

When was the last time you watched a slavery film on Netflix?
www.nytimes.com/2020/03/19/arts/television/review-self-made.html
Please watch it!

I have a diverse circle and one of my friends is Romainian she STILL has white privilege as do the polish and German people.

I said what I said.

You are getting a bit tied up in knots here. Not sure anyone accused you of being racist.

If you are OK with your fellow UK citizens not accepting you as British, then that is fine, FOR YOU.

If you are happy to be repeatedly asked where you are REALLY from, then that is fine, FOR YOU.

It is not fine for me. I don't like it. I don't like it at all.

Indian heritage.

Born and bred in England. Classe myself as a British Indian.

Have been asked this question SO many times over my 42 years on the planet that I now respond with 'Uranus, is that where you're 'really' from?'

The ignorance used to shock and hurt me. Now I'm apathetic. It's so, so prevelant.

My next door neighbour is a mixed race lady, Jamaican father, white British mother. All her friends are either white or mixed raced as she is treated like a pariah by the black community

I'm a southerner in the north and get asked where I'm from all the time

I have a hard-to-place but very obviously not British accent. But I am hardly ever asked where I’m from. Presumably because I’ve got pale skin and blond hair.

it’s so shit. It must be so fucking tiresome and alienating and infuriating to get this all the time.

She had an un-usual accent so you just wanted to know where she was from?

@MintJulia Does this sound like the same thing we've talking about here on this thread? I genuinely want to know if you think it's the same, so please come back and reply.

I'm of Indian heritage but never had a white person ask me where I'm from. I know many assume I'm foreign, I wear the veil so unless they hear me speak they assume I'm non English speaking.
But I get that question all the time from people who are also of non English heritage, I think it's just curiosity which then leads to comparing whose parents came from where, in what conditions they lived in upon arriving and what their experiences were.
I've definitely had plenty of GO HOME! racist call outs though, they get what they deserve when I throw an insult back at them.

So you ask everybody you meet where they are from?

Oh yeah, another label I forgot, "over sensitive". Nice one.

I’m black and I’m British. Both of my parent’s were born here but all of my parent’s parent’s were born in the West Indies.

I’ve had this question many times but this one always stands out. A new fish and chip shop opened across the road from where I lived when I was a teenager. My first time going there, I stepped in and say hey along with my order. Straight away the guy was like ‘where are you from?’ I was like ‘what do you mean, I’m from this area.’ He goes, ‘no I mean where do you originally come from?’ I said, ‘erm here. I was born in South London.’ He now starts to get frustrated as if I’ve done something wrong and says, ‘no where are you from like what country do you visit when you go back home?’ I said ‘go back home where? I was born here and this is where I’m from.’

He kept on going on and I remember just leaving mid sentence. I personally don’t mind when someone asks what my family background is and where they come from but I don’t like when people interrogate me because I don’t fit their narrative. In this guy’s mind, I’m either from Africa or the Caribbean as there’s no way I can actually be of British origin. The problem also comes about when people don’t know the difference between nationality and ethnicity

Do they accept your first answer?

"Where's your daughter from?"
London.
"No, before that."
She was born in London, I'm from London, her father is from London.
"No but where does she come from?"

As if I don't know where the child I gave birth to is from, or I'm hiding something.

Of course complete strangers are entitled to know

a) whose eggs were used
b) who carried the baby

if it was the same person doing both of the above, they could then go on to ask you what you will do if you ever part ways.

HTH the people who are questioning why people don’t feel the need to share all the time.
With.Complete.Strangers

So you ask everybody you meet where they are from?

I think I do actually, a new mum friend has a Scottish accent, asked her definitely. Her husband has a slight northern twang, I asked him if he'd always loved in the city we all currently live in. Met a couple of new friends when I moved here, they both have southern accents so I asked them where they were from. So yeah, I guess I do ask people where they're from. It's small talk to try and be interested in other people

You mean those near her right?

There is no such thing as “the black community” and what does that have to do with the topic?

DH is British-born, but of Indian origin. He has a pretty common 'British' first and surname. As well as PPs have said about the 'no, where are you REALLY from?', he will often be chastised for 'changing' his name, or for being ashamed of his roots and choosing a British name instead. Starting to think he might need to carry his birth certificate to prove he's not just Anglicised his name!

How do you think this relates to what we are discussing on this thread?