Come and share your "No, where are you REALLY from?" experiences...

[CupOfCake]

I'm writing this as I feel some people just don't get it. Happy to accept that it's difficult to understand why this question might be so offensive as, well, surely it's just a question...

I am British, I am English. I was born here. I have never lived anywhere else. My mother is English and she brought me up. My childhood was full of cold beach holidays and chattering aunties on the South Coast. Her family are British, going back many, many generations. All of my cultural references are British. My accent couldn't really be more British.

My father's family were originally from a Hispanic country.
SO, whilst being British, I also happen to be slightly brown, kind of very light brown olive/bit of a tan colour with brown eyes and brown hair.

I could not possibly say the number of times I have aggressively been asked, "NO! Where are you REALLY from?"

I have been told "Well, you're definitely not British" many, many times. Or told: "Well you would think that, because you're not from here." in response to any kind of disagreement regarding anything political.

I usually say originally, London (I don't live in London, so it's a logical answer). This reply is rarely enough for the majority of people.
"No, but where are you..?"
I explain which part of London. I then talk about what is basically my cultural heritage - South of England.

Anyone who has experienced this knows what the conversation is REALLY about.

"I'm English." I say.

People then often start to get annoyed. "Where are your parents from?"

Now, because I am sadly a bit of a people pleaser, I will inevitably at some point say, "Oh, well my grandmother was from..." this particular country (prefer not to say on here).

They then relax, smile and say "Ah, you're from [x country]."
"No," I explain, "I am English."
"So," they ask, "how often do you go back home?"

Yes the words GO BACK HOME. These are not obviously swivel-eyed racists. These are people of all ages and many different backgrounds, often the sort of veggie lefties who all think they're so very super right on.

UNFORTUNATELY, MANY BRITISH PEOPLE WILL REFUSE TO ACCEPT ME AS BRITISH/ENGLISH.

Occasionally they'll ask how long I've lived in England, or how I find the rain/ cold weather.

So, why don't I just answer the long version from the start? Well, then forever more I will be CupOfCake from [x country]. In fact, this happened throughout my 20s.

Just to be clear. I don't mind discussing my heritage, in fact I love it.

I just don't want anyone to ask me how often I "GO BACK" to anywhere other than London. Why? because I am English.

I don't want to have to (yet again) defend my right to be simultaneously English and light brown.

I don't want to be told that I don't belong in MY country, that I was BORN in and have LIVED in for over 50 years.

Anyone else care to share?

Who on earth are the (currently) 22% of people who think the OP is BU? Just…why?

I think Ngozi Fulani is being a bit disingenuous.

She was wearing traditional Igbo dress, and told Susan Hussey she was British born and bred.

So, naturally, SH asked NF a couple of further questions about her background.

I should also mention that I don't think 83 year olds should have full time jobs.
This may be a blessing in disguise, for Susan Hussey.

Followed by Trump, MAGA, and the rise of the far right in direct response to that, voted in by the vast numbers of racists who couldn’t cope with a Black president.

I’m white and I have heard it too many times in my life here in the UK. At work - “you are not calling from Yorkshire, aren’t you, can I talk to a British person”’, “where are you from? … oh no, I meant originally…”, “How often do you go back home”, “whatever you’re trying to sell, I don’t need it”. The amount of times I cried about the occasional (and intentional ) racism is countless. Those conversations always make me freeze inside and I don’t know what to reply. I’m a naturalised citizen and I speak with a “transatlantic” accent , people can’t pinpoint the accent which leads to the questions. From my point of view, it’s so rude . I’m so glad that lady spoke up about that incident. We are all humans, and there are no white people in the Bible 😂

@Changechangychange of course British is a race. Same as Japanese is a race. How can one be and not the other?

To be fair as a Scot I get this question a great deal in the USA.
Often with a guess as to where I might be from.

Surely, if you can’t see someone’s name badge, because their hair or clothing is in the way, you use your words - “I’m sorry - I can’t see your badge - what’s your name, please?” No need to get hands on.

Followed by Biden and Harris.

Still progress no matter how small it is.

How many PM’s have we had in the last five years? How is Brexit working out for us atm?

I am Indian /english and have this many, many, many times in my life.

Where are you from?
Oxford
Where are you really from?
I was born in Oxford
But where are you REALLY from?
OK (now the reveal) - I have an Indian father and an english mother
Ah!! - How did you get here?

When in India:
Where are you from Madam?
England
Why do you look like an Indian?
Indian father/ english mother
Ah - you look Indian but I can tell you are not.

As a UK born British Sri Lankan Tamil (other Asian on forms) I get this question a lot because I do not look like I sound.

Usually when I visit Cornwall, Yorkshire and Scotland. In London, people will walk over my dead body than talk to me. I also find it is the older generation who ask me this because I presume most other people don't care.

Yes! That’s the whole point it is wrong because you are born and raised in Japan. Just as I am born and raised here.

At what point do cease being from somewhere? My mother actually lived longer in the UK than the country she was born and raised in. I haven’t visited there for a holiday for more than 20 years. I can’t imagine going there for a holiday let alone identifying there as “home”. Home is London.

Yup, me too.

Half Indian with blonde haired, blue/green eyed children with pale skin.

Who facially are my doubles. But I always get told they look “nothing” like me, as presumably, people only see the differing colour of our skin and hair.

I’ve often been asked if I am their nanny/childminder, especially when ds was little and I was in my early 20s.

There can be quite innocent reasons for asking where someone is from. A family member of mine asks people with accents where they are from because they speak a number of languages and love to take any opportunity to chat in Spanish or French etc. People are generally always fine with this.

When watching TV, I notice people's faces and quite often comment or think that a person has a (insert country) face because it seems people do have different face types/shapes depending on where they are from.

Without being over-bearing or too intrusive, it's interesting to chat to people from outside of your regular area. You get some people who are just too ignorant just to say good morning or hello. Perhaps it's an old fashioned thing now but I was brought up to acknowledge someone even in passing.

I wondered what the context was, so appreciate the transcript. I assume it was videoed then someone did this

I totally understand and as a white person I am appalled by this sort of questioning and the underlying racism that prompts it.

just for reference, I taught in London and on an interview at one school the year 8s asked me where I was from. I said the general area of England, they then asked where my parents and grandparents were from (same area) and were all shocked and found it bizarre I didn’t have any more interesting heritage than purely English. In London I genuinely always felt that the question wasn’t loaded as so many people (even white presenting) had mixed heritages and assumed others did too. But you’re 100% right that in instances such as those you’ve given then this is not the undertone and it is in fact a racist question.

Yes!

Black friend is seen as not English because he is black, so they assume he is 'African' (always said as if it's one country!)

White friend is not seen as Japanese because she is white, they insist she must be from England and is not Japanese.

It's racism.

My stories are the same

I am particularly fond of London history and it honestly upsets me that people can't see it's my history.

I often say on here, next time I'm asked, I'm going to say the stork dropped me off during a Waterloo Sunset.

She wasn’t wearing an Igbo dress. Stop making stuff up.

And she didn’t say she was ‘British born and bred’, she said ‘I am British and born here’.

And she asked her SEVEN times, not a couple of times @Ameanstreakamilewide

A fair few and yes im white I was born in the area where I live but my accent doesn't "fit" apparently people expect a Birmingham accent (we don't live there but for some reason people expect us to be brummie) so it's always where are you from....im from here yes but where were you born....here....(sigh eye roll) ok where were you RAISED....FUCKING HERE

Have you never heard of having your personal space violated ? Someone standing too close to you, or touching you inappropriately. A friend of mine got more and more pissed off as her pregnancy progressed, with people thinking they could just touch the ‘bump’ as they pleased. I’m in a wheelchair. I was wheeling up a fairly shallow incline minding my own business when suddenly I was propelled forward by some bloke saying ‘ here you are love, I’ll give you a hand’. Nearly tipped me out of the chair and it was all I could do not to tell him where to go. It’s an invasion of personal space. Same thing.

I'm here and white. I have olive skin and have often been asked/demanded where I'm from.

when I was small I was called a pakki

it still upsets me now

Japanese is both a nationality and a race; some people are both.

British is a nationality. Indigenous Britons were Celtic but once you throw the Anglo-Saxons, Romans, Vikings and the rest in the mix there’s not really a British race – add in race as a social construct, and Black, Jewish, Asian and ethnic minority Britons, of course there’s not a British race. That’s sort of the point of the thread: you can’t “look” British.

She would not have been asked seven times, if she did not pretend not to understand the REAL question.

This is obtuse and great example of a made up whatabouterry.

Japan does not have an extensive history of diaspora and permanent immigration (of white people). It would be VERY unusual for a white person to be raised in this way (and to speak Japanese at home/follow Japanese customs etc). As an example, I lived in Thailand for 5 years and never met one white person raised as a Thai. There were western children born and raised in Thailand who were fluent in Thai but they always identified as the race/nationality of their parents and maintained strong links to their family in another country.

It is definitely not unusual in this country to have a non white person raised in an English speaking household with English customs and culture and to see themselves as British.

Obviously this is completely ignoring the power dynamics at play between white/ non white people.

By this logic also, black Americans are not Americans? Is this correct?