Come and share your "No, where are you REALLY from?" experiences...

[CupOfCake]

I'm writing this as I feel some people just don't get it. Happy to accept that it's difficult to understand why this question might be so offensive as, well, surely it's just a question...

I am British, I am English. I was born here. I have never lived anywhere else. My mother is English and she brought me up. My childhood was full of cold beach holidays and chattering aunties on the South Coast. Her family are British, going back many, many generations. All of my cultural references are British. My accent couldn't really be more British.

My father's family were originally from a Hispanic country.
SO, whilst being British, I also happen to be slightly brown, kind of very light brown olive/bit of a tan colour with brown eyes and brown hair.

I could not possibly say the number of times I have aggressively been asked, "NO! Where are you REALLY from?"

I have been told "Well, you're definitely not British" many, many times. Or told: "Well you would think that, because you're not from here." in response to any kind of disagreement regarding anything political.

I usually say originally, London (I don't live in London, so it's a logical answer). This reply is rarely enough for the majority of people.
"No, but where are you..?"
I explain which part of London. I then talk about what is basically my cultural heritage - South of England.

Anyone who has experienced this knows what the conversation is REALLY about.

"I'm English." I say.

People then often start to get annoyed. "Where are your parents from?"

Now, because I am sadly a bit of a people pleaser, I will inevitably at some point say, "Oh, well my grandmother was from..." this particular country (prefer not to say on here).

They then relax, smile and say "Ah, you're from [x country]."
"No," I explain, "I am English."
"So," they ask, "how often do you go back home?"

Yes the words GO BACK HOME. These are not obviously swivel-eyed racists. These are people of all ages and many different backgrounds, often the sort of veggie lefties who all think they're so very super right on.

UNFORTUNATELY, MANY BRITISH PEOPLE WILL REFUSE TO ACCEPT ME AS BRITISH/ENGLISH.

Occasionally they'll ask how long I've lived in England, or how I find the rain/ cold weather.

So, why don't I just answer the long version from the start? Well, then forever more I will be CupOfCake from [x country]. In fact, this happened throughout my 20s.

Just to be clear. I don't mind discussing my heritage, in fact I love it.

I just don't want anyone to ask me how often I "GO BACK" to anywhere other than London. Why? because I am English.

I don't want to have to (yet again) defend my right to be simultaneously English and light brown.

I don't want to be told that I don't belong in MY country, that I was BORN in and have LIVED in for over 50 years.

Anyone else care to share?

Hahahaaaaaaa 😂😂😂😂
Oh my days. It gets worse.

Who are these women touching other women’s hair all the time? Are you thinking of hairdressers?

Is the problem more about the question rather than the sentiment (with the obvious exclusion of those who are just been racist)?

I.e. I get what @ZombeaArthur means insofar as there is a look to be understood/accepted as native (as much as anyone is native these days) to a country, and if you do not resemble that then people may be interested, without malice, to know by what heritage you inherited your appearance from?

So, asking what your nationality is/where you are from/where is home is entirely the wrong question to be asking - but I am struggling to word the right question, maybe "what is your ethnicity/heritage"? I mean "why are you black/hispanic/asian looking?" is what they really mean, but that sounds pretty insulting if you ask me.

mummydoorgirl · Today 17:24
no you don't get it, some people just don't know how to ask what your ethnic background is, by 'from' they mean ancestrally. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't see that person as British.

I don’t agree. They absolutely are saying they don’t see you as British either because of how you look (skin colour), or because of how you speak (accent).
I’m white British, and very obviously so insofar as ancestry goes but I am daily challenged on where am I from and disbelieved and mocked when I say I am British born and from here all because my accent isn’t British.

I was evicted this past summer in July as my landlord sold up. The viewing we went on the agent assumed we were foreign. In doing the application, I sent in my British passport and wrote British. But then they must not have looked at the scans properly because I got an email asking for my Home Office share code to prove right to rent and send them my visa expiration date. I then had to write them back saying, I am British, so do not need a visa to live here and my passport proves my right to rent.

It’s constant. Even at the post office today the lady asked me if I was going back to “my country” for the holidays.

I get you OP, as for people not getting it here's my scenario.

I have a strong accent from a certain part of the UK, I live in a different part of the UK and have done for some time but my accent is still very apparent.

People ask me all the time where I'm from. I don't find this offensive. The reason I don't find this offensive is that they accept my answer immediately and don't question my heritage.

In the OPs scenario they don't take her answer seriously because they aren't actually asking "where she's from" which she answers, they're trying to ask her "what race are you?" masked as a not so racist question. And gives the asker a little bit of plausible deniability...

I find this really interesting about America. They undoubtedly have many problems with racism, but one thing they don't do is say that people are not or can't be American based on their heritage.
But according to a lot of stories I've read, they do think anyone speaking Spanish is Mexican!

Hang on. You've just made up some completely imaginary situation. Why should anyone have to explain themselves.

How can you possibly know how you would feel in your totally made up scenario?

Some people are just dicks and obviously spend too much time in their imaginary world, riding their imaginary unicorns and plaiting the imaginary fairy’s hair.

Interestingly about the American comment up the thread, when my American cousins are over here they get asked a lot where they are from. When they answer 'america' people seem satisfied with that answer, even though they are black.

I am originally from the States. Whiter than white & genetically 100% English. I moved from London to West Sussex about 10 years ago. I have lost count of The number number of times I get asked where I am from. So annoying!! What is it with Brits -the need to “other” people? I didn’t get this much in London. I occasionally challenge the askers, “why does it matter? You know that is potentially racist”, etc. Sometimes I give in and give them a brief synopsis of my background. Then they invariably ask, “ So why did you move here” I respond with, “Have you ever been to the US?” The answer to that is almost always, No.
Something wrong with you Brits, provincial, insular, othering. It does not reflect well on you as a people.

Women touch each other's hair all the time.

We really, really don’t!

Same OP except by entire family heritage is British/Irish... I litrally could not look more pasty white and have more of a specific strong British accent yet I CONSTANTLY get this just because I have an unusual name.

My name is based in Ancient Latin (my mam was interest in history and a touch pompous lol) and exists in varients all over the world although varients are more common around the mediterrainean, north africa and middle east area.

I SWEAR every single new person I meet (like doctors or receptionists or anyone that deals with names/forms etc...) the first thing they ever say is 'oooh, thats a unique name, where you from?' and when I say 'here' most get flustered and try to back track.

In a world where we can hop on a plane to anywhere and discover new histories and cultures with the click of a mouse it amazes me that people still expect all British people to be named Wayne and Leigh etc...

Most people seem to mean it harmlessly and even get a bit embarrased, its not that common to meet a straight up racist but it does happen... I have had people argue with me that I certainly can NOT be british, its like I think I'M more qualified to know where I'M from than you mate lol.

In my case it's the racists that tend to double down and quiz you about your parents heritage ('but where are your PARENTS from, you must be Polish right?') etc... but as I said Im very clearly pasty white with a strong accent so I think most just feel silly for asking once I say 'just from here'.

Its much better now than years ago, back in the 90s and early 00s most people would just straight up tell me my name was 'wierd' or 'stupid' and refuse to use it (making up other things to call me), I would say from about 2005-ish onward people have been more PC and respectful but the curious questioning does get old after the millionth time it happens.

Yes, I agree this is it.

Is that any different from British people here thinking people speaking Spanish are from Spain?

Mexico is much closer than Spain is to the US and they do speak Spanish even if the dialect is different.

When my first child(DD) was born(51 YEARS AGO) the nurse asked if my husband was Black, when I said no, she said "Is he Welsh then, they are very dark". I said "No" It was eventually decided that baby had Jaundice.

No they don't and it's rude
I got sick of mine being touched, yes it's curly now get off it
We always tell children to look with their eyes and not their hands and it takes a lot of work to get mine to look the way it does! I don't go round asking how peoples straight hair feels and grabbing at it

I'm British and got asked all the time in America "where I was from" and they always used to argue the toss that I was Australian because they didn't recognise my regional accent.

Also there's no such thing as being 100% genetically English.

Did you read the transcript of the conversation ? Because if not, here it is:

Here is the full conversation, as recounted by Ms Fulani:
Lady SH: Where are you from?
Me: Sistah Space.
SH: No, where do you come from?
Me: We're based in Hackney.
SH: No, what part of Africa are you from?
Me: I don't know, they didn't leave any records.
SH: Well, you must know where you're from, I spent time in France. Where are you from?
Me: Here, the UK.
SH: No, but what nationality are you?
Me: I am born here and am British.
SH: No, but where do you really come from, where do your people come from?
Me: 'My people', lady, what is this?
SH: Oh I can see I am going to have a challenge getting you to say where you're from. When did you first come here?
Me: Lady! I am a British national, my parents came here in the 50s when...
SH: Oh, I knew we'd get there in the end, you're Caribbean!
Me: No lady, I am of African heritage, Caribbean descent and British nationality.
SH: Oh so you're from...
line

For me, the comment ‘Oh I knew we’d get there in the end, you’re Caribbean’ is the proof absolute that not only is this lady racist - she’s also rude and entitled. Ms Fulani had every right to be offended. There were some suggestions in an earlier thread that she had attended in some sort of cultural dress, so should have been prepared for questions about her heritage. It wasn’t cultural dress, she had on a brown jumper and an animal print skirt with jewellery.

And there where huge petitions across America for Barack Obama to prove he was American because he had a 'foreign name'.

Yet, it didn’t stop him from being President for eight years.

I'm white British but lived 2 years in North Germany. The local neo national once told me to fuck off back to England.
My sister is mixed race and we look very alike but she,s dark skinned and I'm white. The questions we get when we're out together are beyond tedious.

Oh so it was OK then?
Im not really amazed by racists anymore.

Neo nazis that should say.

@hellycat

Ive been on this planet 57 years, Im struggling to think of a time in my adult life where another woman has touched my hair, apart from the time I was out walking and my hair got caught in a branch and my friend disentangled me

I'm mixed heritage and I've had "where are you REALLY from?" quite a few times when I've said I'm British. One man asked me that question and I told him where my parents were from and he said "oh so you're a mongrel then?"😮

Wow. That’s what your thought process went to and where did I even say that it was ok?

I’m only pointing out that despite how several want to point out how racist the US is, there is still progress being made and their effort’s didn’t stop him from becoming President and having a second term.