Strange behaviour from a teacher

[Spoonfullofconfusion]

Ok, this happened a couple of weeks ago but I’m still annoyed. My daughter got in trouble at school for using her phone and recorded something that went on in her class. No faces shown, no names mentioned. Had a phone call from school to tell us they were aware of this recording and she had been put in internal exclusion. School always ring me first before dad but luckily dad was able to hear the conversation after I placed the call on loud speaker. Bit of back story my daughter has be having trouble with some girls and at time’s been ganged up on, we thought this was the reason he was ringing us. I’m aware my child is no angel all the time but these girls have a history so I do believe my daughter when she tells me things plus I have a way of getting the truth from her eventually. We have worked with teachers when there has been problems, either with homework or bullying and have always had adult and productive conversations with other teachers and have worked towards sorting out any problems that have arisen in the past.
Anyway my aibu is more about the teacher that rang regarding the recording and his actions and behaviour to us and everyone involved and would also like to know how others would have reacted? So obviously been told my daughter has been put in internal exclusion was a shock but when I asked questions about what had gone on he seemed to not want to tell me anything other than I should know the policy on mobile phones and it’s in my daughters planner. (Planner says a detention for mobile phone use on school premises) I asked why a child would feel the need to record an event? No answer! He then went on to say that there had been a complaint about the recording to which I asked if it was the childs mother who the recording had picked up?. He told me he couldn’t say and I need to ask her myself as he couldn’t say under gdpr rules but he could have said she wasn’t the one that complained. The mum is a friend of mine so at this point I was angry to think she didn’t ring me and say she had a problem also at this point I thought she had been unfair after knowing our daughters have a love hate relationship and we’ve always in the past dealt with them together as they get on in small doses but fall out easily. Neither of our daughters is perfect in their behaviour but they are far from being delinquents. After days of stewing over everything and hearing what my daughter had told me. What she did tell me sounded like the teacher had interrogated her to make her say something that hadn’t happened and was trying to put words in her mouth. I decided I would just text the other mum and sort everything out. After a long conversation it turns out she hadn’t complained and even knew about the recording before the school mentioned it and hadn’t cared or thought anything else about it(my daughter let her hear the recording as it had her daughter on) turned out the school had rung her and this teacher asked if she knew her daughter had been recorded without her knowledge to which she said she knew and didn’t care and was then to be told she may get some backlash from this (I assume he meant from us?) After speaking and getting most of the answers from the mum that we couldn’t get out of the teacher as he refused to speak to me or answer any of my questions and spoke over everything I said while he interrogated us! He asked if I had asked my daughter to make the recording and then asked (interrogated)my daughter if the other parent had asked her to make the recording as the other parent had issues with the teacher who was also in the recording, he hadn’t asked the other parent if she had asked her to do this. The school hasn’t heard the recording and only myself, partner, other parent and obviously my child has heard this recording so they have no clue what’s in it. It also hasn’t been shared on social media which the teacher said it had. I did ask why they find the mobile phone policy so serious but they haven’t taken the same approach to their bullying policy which ended up with a teacher threatening my daughter with detention everyday if her father doesn’t sign their policy. I’m lead to believe the school was sued back to the stone ages when a recording had been made about 4 years ago. If this is true they have covered it up very well. After been ignored and unable to make an appointment with the headmaster we finally got one on day four (their policy states 24hours) after the original phone call from the teacher to be told no complaint had even been made. He made a comment saying he thought we were just another ‘shouty parent’. Turns out said teacher who made the original phone call has had many complaints against him from parents which have been ignored, I’m told he is friends with the head teacher who is also one of the governors and deals with the complaints which makes me wonder if he’s not acting on them and also is this not a conflict of interest? I’ve also been told by many people the teacher has a dislike for women and called women stupid to their face but changes his tone when the husbands turn up and talks over women when they speak, this is what I had to deal with. We have also made it clear and also put it in writing that he is not to be alone with my daughter and the first thing he did was take my daughter into a room alone! 2nd time he did this my daughter asked for another teacher to be present which he obliged. I’m actually worried that this teacher is trusted to be in charge of children when I & my partner have had great difficulty dealing with him ourselves and witnessed how he has handled what he says is a serious situation and implied people have complained who actually haven’t. We have asked for the governor’s details to complain to as this is not given on their website and have yet to receive these details. Our complaint isn’t about our daughter being punished and support the school if our daughter is being disruptive or doing something she shouldn’t but more how this teacher has behaved and we find it worrying how he’s gone about this situation and if we hadn’t have been in contact with the other parent how this could have panned out. If this is how he deals with parents what does he do around children. He had us thinking another parent had complained (told us a complaint had been made) when they hadn’t. I’ve wrote all this on my phone so hope it all makes sense.

Your post reads more like very strange behaviour from a parent.

I’m really struggling to understand the issue. Can you summarise it in a sentence OP? It may help you focus on what your actual problem is when you raise it with school.

I zoned out less than halfway through the thread, as my eyes can't deal with no paragraphs.
I don't really see what the issue is.
Your daughter broke the rules and had a consequence.
End of.
My eyeballs couldn't cope with the rest of your drama.

Hearsay and conjecture.

and no paragraphs.

Classic case of:

OP: AIBU?

Everyone else: Yes

OP: No I’m not

This is why I am leaving education at Christmas, it’s just exhausting and none stop x

I skimmed the last third because my eyes couldn't even, but at the end of the day your daughter broke the rules. Everything else is he said she said and unless there was a genuine safeguarding issue, breaking the rules isn't the way to go about getting help or support.
I know teachers who have been recorded without their knowledge and then it has been shared later down the line, it ruins lives, even if they're doing absolutely nothing out the ordinary children PILE ON on social media and it actually puts the teachers at personal risk. Frankly I think your daughter is lucky to have only been internally excluded. Get the video/recording deleted and move on, addressing any concerns with the school through the proper channels.

Your post is crammed full of

I’m lead to believe…
Turns out…
I’m told he is friends with the head teacher… I’ve also been told by many people the teacher has a dislike for women…

What did your daughter record?

You can’t expect people to wade through that huge block of text and process it all. I’ve probably missed things, but that’s because you’ve written an essay with no paragraphs.

Your child misbehaved. Children filming parts of lessons without the teacher’s knowledge is a serious issue in schools and your daughter is part of the problem. Would you like a colleague to secretly record your conversations and pass them to colleagues? Would you like your performance management filmed without your knowledge? Would you like to be filmed upset at work, or in a skirt climbing on something, because that’s what happens when children aren’t punished heavily to set an example when mobile phones are used in class.

Instead, you’ve become focused on ‘interrogation’ and how the teacher got the information etc etc etc. Saying the teacher can’t be alone with your daughter - despite him having DBS clearance and no allegations of inappropriate behaviour - is not on. The general expectation is that a teacher leaves the door open and sits where passers by can see. You can’t demand he is treated like a paedophile - not allowed to be alone with her - that’s outrageous. Sounds like you have a vendetta against him. Have you thought about how you come across to him, someone just trying to do his job and stop kids getting phones out to film when they should be concentrating and learning?

One of the main reasons this hits a nerve with me is that a male teacher friend of mine was falsely accused by someone like you and your daughter of something...

To cut a very long story short he proved his innocence in court, which his colleagues and other families never doubted anyway, but this lovely dedicated teacher has been left a shell of his former self. His confidence has gone and I think his original passion for a job he once loved.

It is so unfair. And yet, it never fails to amaze me just how many people there are like you. People who clearly have no respect at all for teacher or education itself, instill no sense of decency in their children, and yet are clearly using the education system itself as some sort of free childcare.

Because let's face it, you clearly have nothing else going on in your life to make this much drama out of something that was entirely your daughter's fault. It's outrageous. Ive thought for years schools need a three strikes and you're out system for behaviour, but this just takes the biscuit.
Get a life. And control your daughter so at least the children who actually want to learn can do so.

OP, don't try to divert the real issue and encourage your children to think this is acceptable behaviour.

Your daughter broke the rules of a policy. End of. That behaviour at work would be enough to be potentially sacked, what led to it happening deemed irrelevant.

Teach her the reality of life, not that pushing blame on anyone else is the way to deal with broken rulrs.

Your actions are stressing a teacher and putting pressure on the system. They are not teaching your daughter to prepare for adult life.

Bloody hell, that was difficult to read!

You seem to be basing your complaint on lots of he said/she said and that in itself is quite a dangerous path to go down as you're bringing the teacher's name into disrepute based largely on gossip.

Your daughter was bang out of order to film anyone without their permission, especially in a class where the teacher is trying to TEACH!!! Major safeguarding issue.

I suggest you teach your child some respect and manners and let the teachers teach things like how to use paragraphs etc

Clearly, you didn’t make the most of the opportunities afforded to you during your school days OP.

There’s nothing more to say, other than it’s very apparent your daughter was in the wrong and you’re searching for someone to blame.

So you OP will go to any lengths to support your ill-behaved DD.
You don't support the teacher.
Have you considered that your dd recorded something to take the piss out of someone which will easily become bullying. Yes, OP your DD could be one of the bullies out to make some other girls life HeLL.
Take the phone off her for a week at least.

I agree you should take her phone off her for a week. I would also go further and not allow her to take her phone into school untill she (and you) start acting more mature. If she need a phone for school get her a basic model that only allows texts and calls

Maybe the teacher made the complaint?

Who confirmed a complaint was never made?

Sadly, I think, it's often some of the best that tend to leave rather than, as you might like to think, the worst.

What you are fundamentally failing to understand is that any kind of recording in an educational setting without the permission of staff and other students is utterly unacceptable. Teacher here! Your daughter filmed so needed to receive the punishment. I don't understand what your objection is to this. I think you need to grow up.

You know nothing about school complaints, so why give incorrect advice?
Op if you want some sort of action taken then download the school complaints procedure from their website and follow it. I advice you to gather your thoughts, concentrate on briefly stating what you aren't happy about, and definitely say what you want as an outcome of your complaint.
Personally I don't see much to make a complaint about here, but your post is a bit confusing.

I'm very sorry onthecusp, I meant to quote @SummerWhisper

The ht

??

Didn't read the whole post but your daughter is out of order for filming something at school, and I would be backing school all the way.
You're 100% unreasonable (based on what I've read).

So a lot of teachers have come on this thread. Let me ask if a student did something wrong and they did their punishment would you end it after they did their punishment. Would you tell them why and explain why the punishment is severe? Would you keep them in a room asking the same question with the hope that if you ask enough times you would get a different answer or educate them and make them understand what they have done wrong and why it is wrong?

My daughter made a recording to try and catch her bullies in action and to prove what they were doing to her. We have asked if it is possible to move her classes as she can’t escape them. She then said she would share it if they didn’t leave her alone. It wasn’t shared as it isn’t possible to do this on her phone. I say that my child is no angel to put across that if she does something wrong this doesn’t go unpunished. This wasn’t to make her sound like she constantly makes trouble as this would be untrue.

My issue is that the teacher lied to us saying a complaint had been made for us to find out from the HT one hadn’t and instead of dealing with the problem for example looking at why she took the recording and also sorting out how she would be punished, which he made out was one big secret and refused to discuss this.

The reason I don’t want him alone with my daughter is that I want a witness to hear what he says as we obviously weren’t happy with how he spoke to us. Surely this would protect both student and teacher?

No I don’t have loads of time on my hands which is why I’m also annoyed this wasn’t sorted in one phone call which it could have been. We would have supported the punishment had we been informed of this and the reason but we would also want to understand why she did it. The punishment would have been the same if someone complained or not so I don’t understand why he needed to lie to us.

We had to make a complaint to get the ht to discuss the matter because the teacher who made the phone call wouldn’t give us any facts or answer our questions so we could understand what had happened and what was going to happen. All we knew from the phone call was a complaint had been made about a recording our daughter had made and she was in internal exclusion. If we spoke he talked over us. when I spoke he put the phone down.