Strange behaviour from a teacher

[Spoonfullofconfusion]

Ok, this happened a couple of weeks ago but I’m still annoyed. My daughter got in trouble at school for using her phone and recorded something that went on in her class. No faces shown, no names mentioned. Had a phone call from school to tell us they were aware of this recording and she had been put in internal exclusion. School always ring me first before dad but luckily dad was able to hear the conversation after I placed the call on loud speaker. Bit of back story my daughter has be having trouble with some girls and at time’s been ganged up on, we thought this was the reason he was ringing us. I’m aware my child is no angel all the time but these girls have a history so I do believe my daughter when she tells me things plus I have a way of getting the truth from her eventually. We have worked with teachers when there has been problems, either with homework or bullying and have always had adult and productive conversations with other teachers and have worked towards sorting out any problems that have arisen in the past.
Anyway my aibu is more about the teacher that rang regarding the recording and his actions and behaviour to us and everyone involved and would also like to know how others would have reacted? So obviously been told my daughter has been put in internal exclusion was a shock but when I asked questions about what had gone on he seemed to not want to tell me anything other than I should know the policy on mobile phones and it’s in my daughters planner. (Planner says a detention for mobile phone use on school premises) I asked why a child would feel the need to record an event? No answer! He then went on to say that there had been a complaint about the recording to which I asked if it was the childs mother who the recording had picked up?. He told me he couldn’t say and I need to ask her myself as he couldn’t say under gdpr rules but he could have said she wasn’t the one that complained. The mum is a friend of mine so at this point I was angry to think she didn’t ring me and say she had a problem also at this point I thought she had been unfair after knowing our daughters have a love hate relationship and we’ve always in the past dealt with them together as they get on in small doses but fall out easily. Neither of our daughters is perfect in their behaviour but they are far from being delinquents. After days of stewing over everything and hearing what my daughter had told me. What she did tell me sounded like the teacher had interrogated her to make her say something that hadn’t happened and was trying to put words in her mouth. I decided I would just text the other mum and sort everything out. After a long conversation it turns out she hadn’t complained and even knew about the recording before the school mentioned it and hadn’t cared or thought anything else about it(my daughter let her hear the recording as it had her daughter on) turned out the school had rung her and this teacher asked if she knew her daughter had been recorded without her knowledge to which she said she knew and didn’t care and was then to be told she may get some backlash from this (I assume he meant from us?) After speaking and getting most of the answers from the mum that we couldn’t get out of the teacher as he refused to speak to me or answer any of my questions and spoke over everything I said while he interrogated us! He asked if I had asked my daughter to make the recording and then asked (interrogated)my daughter if the other parent had asked her to make the recording as the other parent had issues with the teacher who was also in the recording, he hadn’t asked the other parent if she had asked her to do this. The school hasn’t heard the recording and only myself, partner, other parent and obviously my child has heard this recording so they have no clue what’s in it. It also hasn’t been shared on social media which the teacher said it had. I did ask why they find the mobile phone policy so serious but they haven’t taken the same approach to their bullying policy which ended up with a teacher threatening my daughter with detention everyday if her father doesn’t sign their policy. I’m lead to believe the school was sued back to the stone ages when a recording had been made about 4 years ago. If this is true they have covered it up very well. After been ignored and unable to make an appointment with the headmaster we finally got one on day four (their policy states 24hours) after the original phone call from the teacher to be told no complaint had even been made. He made a comment saying he thought we were just another ‘shouty parent’. Turns out said teacher who made the original phone call has had many complaints against him from parents which have been ignored, I’m told he is friends with the head teacher who is also one of the governors and deals with the complaints which makes me wonder if he’s not acting on them and also is this not a conflict of interest? I’ve also been told by many people the teacher has a dislike for women and called women stupid to their face but changes his tone when the husbands turn up and talks over women when they speak, this is what I had to deal with. We have also made it clear and also put it in writing that he is not to be alone with my daughter and the first thing he did was take my daughter into a room alone! 2nd time he did this my daughter asked for another teacher to be present which he obliged. I’m actually worried that this teacher is trusted to be in charge of children when I & my partner have had great difficulty dealing with him ourselves and witnessed how he has handled what he says is a serious situation and implied people have complained who actually haven’t. We have asked for the governor’s details to complain to as this is not given on their website and have yet to receive these details. Our complaint isn’t about our daughter being punished and support the school if our daughter is being disruptive or doing something she shouldn’t but more how this teacher has behaved and we find it worrying how he’s gone about this situation and if we hadn’t have been in contact with the other parent how this could have panned out. If this is how he deals with parents what does he do around children. He had us thinking another parent had complained (told us a complaint had been made) when they hadn’t. I’ve wrote all this on my phone so hope it all makes sense.

It's not the teacher being dramatic, it's the OP. All the teacher said is he couldn't say if it was the " friends mother" who complained. Which is as it should be!

I can't understand most of your waffle.

Your daughter was recording a teacher disciplining another student that you and other parents are on a bit of a witch hunt for for what reason? To try and incriminate the teacher in some way so you can complain?

Your daughter gets caught doing it and you kick off because another teacher who you also think is dodgy based on the accounts of teenagers might not have been professional when he couldn't tell you exactly who had made a complaint about the video. You've checked with one parent and decided he is lying?

How about this, the teacher being recorded has made the complaint? At my school we have had lots of problems with students uploading videos to TikTok with teachers faces edited onto them. Also, it's irrelevant who made a complaint as she had her phone out, you'vr admitted thst. If you don't agree with the internal because the policy is a detention then find out why it escalated to internal. I imagine your daughter was being as delightful as you when they tried to take her phone away and that's why!

Amen, and well said.

There were presumably approx 30 other students in the class, any one of them could have complained.

You don't have a leg to stand on to complain about anything.

Your daughter is in the wrong. Do you have any idea what it's like to have been a teacher that is recorded and the video shared? From personal experience it's horrible. Especially when you don't know you are being recorded. Well done to whoever did complain about the video, they did the right thing.

Spoonfullofconfusion
We actually praised the teacher with how she handled the student. The recording actually put us at ease about this teacher. The recording also enabled the other parent to address the child’s behaviour. The recording was deleted as soon as we knew about it.

If you agree that the recording shouldn't have happened, why are you validating the recording here?

Yes so they don’t have to put up with parents behaving like you!
‘My daughter was a pain but it’s not her fault/my fault’ 🙄
Youll be on here in a year or two complaining about how rude she is, no respect but will wonder where it’s come from!

The risk of being filmed in class and having it edited and added to one of the dozens of unflattering Tiktok accounts by pupils is about at the top of the reasons why I, along with dozens of colleagues, are on the verge of walking. Teenagers are wonderful and hilarious and also prone to vile bullying of each other snd adults in school.

I.dont think we are prepared to put up with it any longer.
.

A teacher is there to teach.

They shouldn’t have to deal with bullying or any of the other crap that goes on because parents have raised entitled little shits and can’t control their children because their too bloody busy, lazy, have lost control and expect someone else to pick up after them!
Mobiles should be banned in school.
Bullies should be expelled and sent to a mandatory boot camp.

Your daughter has used her phone in class - against rules.
She’s videod people without their permission - against rules.
She’s received an internal exclusion - correct decision.
Try speaking to your daughter about her behaviour rather than attacking the teacher’s actions on a “he said/she said” unfactual basis.
Plus, sign the planner as is expected in all High Schools.

If this happened to my child I would bollock her and make sure she never did it again. Not post a load of gibberish about it on the internet.

@DanglingMod ~Bloody disgraceful. I don’t blame you for wanting to leave.

This. Grow up

When did half the parents in the world decide they need to be their kids' mates? And that that means reacting in a completely ludicrous way and demanding a criminal standard of proof and investigation for every school breach, including those they accept happened?

Don't you want better for your daughter OP?

If you do, try reflecting on how the teacher is doing his best to hold a class of 30 together and learning, and that what you are trying to do is undermine him. You want him explaining and apologising and being punished for something that seems to be completely in your own head, knowing that if you can get a win, he'll lose his authority and any chance of actually teaching your daughter something or improving her behaviour and life chances will be done, and the whole class will know it, so discipline breaks down altogether.

Slow handclap.

I will discourage my friend from spending her hard earned money on teacher’s training. Because it’s not about teaching anymore, it’s about dealing with OP and similar situations and you can’t win, you just can’t.

I would be absolutely mortified if my child did that.

I wish my mum had been this wise.

It is far too long and rambling to read the whole thing but I have the gist. Your daughter did use her phone to record in a lesson. She was given a consequence. You are trying to deflect blame from her in some way as you are a hopeless parent. Got it.

Your daughter broke the rules what on earth is she doing recording in the classroom? Time to have a word with your daughter your excusing her behaviour by trying to blame other people.

You’re desperate to excuse your dd of any wrongdoing and do seem to enjoy the drama of whatever is going between her and her peers at school. That’s as much as I could get from what you have written because much it was incomprehensible.

I gave up reading but the bottom line is your daughter knew the rules, didn't obey them, is now suffering the consequences of her actions. What teachers don't need is parents who aren't supportive of them, the school and their children's education.
They need parents on their side!

I always think hmmm🤔 when someone says ‘my child’s no angel but …’ Sorry only read a bit of it as it’s too long.

@Gilmorehill exactly this! Maybe stay away from the peer drama, encourage your dd to do so, and focus on her education.

I’m struggling to see what the teacher has done wrong tbh. Your daughter was recording others in class. Someone (another pupil, another parent, the class teacher?) complained. The teacher spoke to your daughter to find out what had gone on and if she was under pressure to do it (possible mitigation) or if it was all her own idea. He then told you this happened and what the sanction is.

The sanction for recording other people in school is obviously more severe than normal phone use (eg texting) because it is much more serious. An internal exclusion sounds about right to me.

IME, heads of year in some schools get a fair few completely unfounded complaints by parents who don’t like that their child has been sanctioned. Those are obviously fully investigated and then correctly dismissed, regardless of how friendly the head of year is with the head teacher.

If you have a problem with how they deal with bullying, you need to address it separately because it is a separate issue.

neither of our daughters is perfect
Say no more

No complaint was made by your friend. This doesn't mean nobody else complained. The teacher, another student, another parent. It's normal for you not to be told who.