Strange behaviour from a teacher

[Spoonfullofconfusion]

Ok, this happened a couple of weeks ago but I’m still annoyed. My daughter got in trouble at school for using her phone and recorded something that went on in her class. No faces shown, no names mentioned. Had a phone call from school to tell us they were aware of this recording and she had been put in internal exclusion. School always ring me first before dad but luckily dad was able to hear the conversation after I placed the call on loud speaker. Bit of back story my daughter has be having trouble with some girls and at time’s been ganged up on, we thought this was the reason he was ringing us. I’m aware my child is no angel all the time but these girls have a history so I do believe my daughter when she tells me things plus I have a way of getting the truth from her eventually. We have worked with teachers when there has been problems, either with homework or bullying and have always had adult and productive conversations with other teachers and have worked towards sorting out any problems that have arisen in the past.
Anyway my aibu is more about the teacher that rang regarding the recording and his actions and behaviour to us and everyone involved and would also like to know how others would have reacted? So obviously been told my daughter has been put in internal exclusion was a shock but when I asked questions about what had gone on he seemed to not want to tell me anything other than I should know the policy on mobile phones and it’s in my daughters planner. (Planner says a detention for mobile phone use on school premises) I asked why a child would feel the need to record an event? No answer! He then went on to say that there had been a complaint about the recording to which I asked if it was the childs mother who the recording had picked up?. He told me he couldn’t say and I need to ask her myself as he couldn’t say under gdpr rules but he could have said she wasn’t the one that complained. The mum is a friend of mine so at this point I was angry to think she didn’t ring me and say she had a problem also at this point I thought she had been unfair after knowing our daughters have a love hate relationship and we’ve always in the past dealt with them together as they get on in small doses but fall out easily. Neither of our daughters is perfect in their behaviour but they are far from being delinquents. After days of stewing over everything and hearing what my daughter had told me. What she did tell me sounded like the teacher had interrogated her to make her say something that hadn’t happened and was trying to put words in her mouth. I decided I would just text the other mum and sort everything out. After a long conversation it turns out she hadn’t complained and even knew about the recording before the school mentioned it and hadn’t cared or thought anything else about it(my daughter let her hear the recording as it had her daughter on) turned out the school had rung her and this teacher asked if she knew her daughter had been recorded without her knowledge to which she said she knew and didn’t care and was then to be told she may get some backlash from this (I assume he meant from us?) After speaking and getting most of the answers from the mum that we couldn’t get out of the teacher as he refused to speak to me or answer any of my questions and spoke over everything I said while he interrogated us! He asked if I had asked my daughter to make the recording and then asked (interrogated)my daughter if the other parent had asked her to make the recording as the other parent had issues with the teacher who was also in the recording, he hadn’t asked the other parent if she had asked her to do this. The school hasn’t heard the recording and only myself, partner, other parent and obviously my child has heard this recording so they have no clue what’s in it. It also hasn’t been shared on social media which the teacher said it had. I did ask why they find the mobile phone policy so serious but they haven’t taken the same approach to their bullying policy which ended up with a teacher threatening my daughter with detention everyday if her father doesn’t sign their policy. I’m lead to believe the school was sued back to the stone ages when a recording had been made about 4 years ago. If this is true they have covered it up very well. After been ignored and unable to make an appointment with the headmaster we finally got one on day four (their policy states 24hours) after the original phone call from the teacher to be told no complaint had even been made. He made a comment saying he thought we were just another ‘shouty parent’. Turns out said teacher who made the original phone call has had many complaints against him from parents which have been ignored, I’m told he is friends with the head teacher who is also one of the governors and deals with the complaints which makes me wonder if he’s not acting on them and also is this not a conflict of interest? I’ve also been told by many people the teacher has a dislike for women and called women stupid to their face but changes his tone when the husbands turn up and talks over women when they speak, this is what I had to deal with. We have also made it clear and also put it in writing that he is not to be alone with my daughter and the first thing he did was take my daughter into a room alone! 2nd time he did this my daughter asked for another teacher to be present which he obliged. I’m actually worried that this teacher is trusted to be in charge of children when I & my partner have had great difficulty dealing with him ourselves and witnessed how he has handled what he says is a serious situation and implied people have complained who actually haven’t. We have asked for the governor’s details to complain to as this is not given on their website and have yet to receive these details. Our complaint isn’t about our daughter being punished and support the school if our daughter is being disruptive or doing something she shouldn’t but more how this teacher has behaved and we find it worrying how he’s gone about this situation and if we hadn’t have been in contact with the other parent how this could have panned out. If this is how he deals with parents what does he do around children. He had us thinking another parent had complained (told us a complaint had been made) when they hadn’t. I’ve wrote all this on my phone so hope it all makes sense.

i would have backed the teacher up fully had he handled it professionally. I’m aware teachers jobs aren’t easy! But this could have been sorted out in one phone call had it been dealt with differently. My daughter carried out her punishment at school and at home. Unfortunately I feel if someone is in a senior position they should handle it that way. If given the facts from the beginning it could have been dealt with and done with in one phone call. Kids are held accountable for their actions and I believe this goes for everyone.

Do you really understand why schools have these policies? I’m a teacher. I’ve taught many children who are “looked after” or subject to child protection proceedings. On one occasion a convicted abuser was able to locate a child in my school via a recording made in the playground by someone like your DD. The child had their life upended, had to move school and areas. It isn’t an arbitrary policy there to stop teens from recording TikToks. Mobile phone recordings made thoughtlessly in school can destroy lives.

I think a lot of parents are doing a disservice to their children.

What you SHOULD have done is gone apeshit with your DD about getting her phone out in a lesson and filming, made her delete it and then send a note of apology to the teacher whose lesson she was disrupting. But that’s just me. I’m quite old-fashioned about expectations of behaviour and mine were never in trouble at school. Ever.

Your friend could have lied about making the complaint.

How much time have you wasted of the head teacher and teacher?

Tell your child to follow rules and keep her phone away. Let teachers teach:

She broke the rules. She must have shared the recording, or mentioned it to someone, for the school to know about it. It doesn't matter who reported her.

It really annoys me that people think it's ok to film others. You see it online all the time in schools,hospitals, peoples workplaces. I was filmed once when I was suicidal and the police were dealing with me. I don't understand how anyone thinks this is acceptable

I mean I stopped reading after

We actually praised the teacher with how she handled the student. The recording actually put us at ease about this teacher. The recording also enabled the other parent to address the child’s behaviour. The recording was deleted as soon as we knew about it. This isn’t to bash all teachers but it has lead us to find out about all the other parents who have had issues with this one teacher. Racism/entering toilet cubicles to mention a couple. Fair enough you can put it all down as gossip but then how would I feel if this teacher did something really bad and all the complaints had been ignored. If I was the only one complaining I can understand but there are lots of complaints not just one or two.

I mean, I stopped reading after you said your daughter was recording something happening on her phone in class.

I agree with others, I struggled to read that as it just sounds like a rant with no paragraphs. What I took from it:

Your DD used her phone against school policy and being punished - correct thing to do.

You have issue with this because you don’t think they deal with bullying as strictly- fair enough but you need to deal with the bullying issue separately.

You understand complaints have been made about this teacher but ignored - speculation and none of your business.

The teacher is friends with the HT - irrelevant, none of your business. Many people are friends with their bosses. If you complain and you believe the complaint has not been fully investigated by the HT, you escalate the complaint via the correct procedure

You don’t like this teachers handling of the incident - complain following the correct procedure.

You’ve asked your DD not be left alone with the male teacher but he’s ignored this - complain using the correct procedure.

The teacher dosnt like women - complain but you’d need actual proof. If he’s had other official complaints about this behaviour they will be on record and can not be ignored.

The head teacher is on the board of governors - correct all head teachers are school governors but they have the chair and vice chair as well as the rest of the board to answer to.

List of school governors is not available on the website -unusual but you can find this info out via the local authority.

Omg now the teacher is a racist perv…but the head teacher is letting them get away with it because they are pals. Every update is more ridiculous. Why is your daughter having so many issues at school?

Just because your friend didn’t complain about your daughter doing the recording doesn’t mean no other parent did.

“I’ve wrote all this on my phone so hope it all makes sense.”

It’s not the fact it’s on your phone that stops it making sense 🤣

You could carve that in stone or write it with the finest fountain pen and it would still be a hard to follow jumble.

From the bits I can make out, all that matters is that your daughter made a recording in class (not in dispute) and the right action has been taken: isolation for her, informing you.

Did you make up the phrase “sued to the stone ages” yourself?

🤦🏼😆

Wow.
Your daughter broke the rules.
She was punished.
The end.

your tirade is just… bonkers

I thought she had been unfair after knowing our daughters have a love hate relationship and we’ve always in the past dealt with them together as they get on in small doses but fall out easily. Neither of our daughters is perfect in their behaviour but they are far from being delinquents

Quite a back story here ...

What she did tell me sounded like the teacher had interrogated her to make her say something that hadn’t happened of course she did...

This is true she could have lied.
But turns out no complaint was made.
i will go with I’m over thinking things.

Blimey no wonder there's a teacher shortage. Poor bloke. You're desperately trying to invent gossip about him just because your daughter has been caught out.

Tried to read it a few times but there's just so much information I can't take any of it in.

I have absolutely no idea what is going on in your story. It’s like a Scrabble board vomited.

What did she take a video of?

She used her phone when she wasn’t supposed to (I think, it’s hard to tell). Of course she should get detention.

It sounds like you’re one of those parents. Anyone who says “my child’s no angel” and “she’s not perfect but” usually have horrifically behaved children and they can see it but don’t want to admit it.

You said the teacher was one of the voices recorded,so I am guessing the complaint was from him himself.He has every right to complain, your dc was bang out or order

If you're going to make a complaint, have someone else type it for you.

If she recorded in a classroom then the conaint could have come from anyone, including the teacher. She cannot record people like that. she deserved the punishment. The teacher was fully within their rights to complain about it and also within their right to keep that private. You dont need to know where the complaint came from.

Really, just grow up. And learn to use paragraphs and be more concise. You'll get much better advice if you can be properly understood.

Not saying it’s right to lie but you don’t know what was said. For example parents being rude and objecting, often abusive, asking what’s the big deal? Teacher responds saying well actually a complaint has been made in order to back themselves. A complaint may have been made just not by a parent. ‘Sir, rulebreaker is recording in class’ = complaint. Post sounds like a lot of avoidable childish drama.

I tried and failed to read your post. Please use paragraphs.

I gather the gist of your post is that your daughter took her phone out in class. She proceeded to record other students and the teacher.

The school (rightly) has a policy of no mobile phones in the classroom.

Your daughter broke the rules by taking out her phone.
Your daughter broke the rules by recording another student/students.
Your daughter broke the rules by recording a teacher.

I can only presume the teacher was the person who made the complaint? How would you like if somebody starting randomly recording you in your office while you were working?