To be proud of my son for standing up to his bully?

[Spreeofthemoment]

My DS is in y6. One boy in particular has been making his(and a few others) life hell he’s it wanted to go to school because of him. Well today, he snapped and floored this boy after he came and pushed DS over(he’s always pushing him!). This boys nose was bleeding. I got a call off the head and told him I won’t be punishing my son and that I’m proud of him for standing up for himself and showing this boy he won’t be bullied anymore, as clearly the school weren’t doing anything to protect my son!

So you’d punish your child by moving them from their friends, and from a school they’re otherwise happy, and presumably doing well in….?

Into another school where they don’t have friends?

And if it happens again? Keeping moving them.

Sounds sensible….

My children wouldn’t punch anyone either. But then again, they’ve never been provoked in the way the OP’s child has been. Lucky me and lucky you, right?

One of DS’s best friend’s came up against a bully - also in year 6. I’m good friends with his Mum, and it was a really stressful time for them.

He turned the other cheek, and turned the other cheek, until one day he didn’t, and threw a punch back.

He was left alone from that day forward.

And he’s never hit another child before, or since.

Are you suggesting that I'm sock-puppet-ing? If so, report to MN.

Odd as it may seem, I am clearly not the only one who thinks that violence isn't the answer to violence.

I am also very struck by the fact that the OP has a) not returned (fair enough, she might be busy, and nobody owes random strangers on the internet anything); and b) has given us no information about what she had done thus far about the bully (has she contacted school and had no response? Or an inadequate response? Or is it ok for children to just thump one another until the biggest and strongest child 'wins'?)

You could just as easily say ‘so you’d punish your kid by making them choose between being bullied or being violent?’

Im super suspicious of these mic-drop ‘and he never did it again!’ type posts. I deal with kids fighting all the time and I’ve never, ever seen a retaliation that didn’t end in an all-out punch up.

It'll never be the recommended course of action but this bully knows that @Spreeofthemoment 's son is not afraid to fight back. I suspect the bully will be looking around for somebody less assertive now.

Seems the majority of people will support a child punching another child in the face as long as you refer to the injured child as a bully.

Does the school agree that the only injured party is 'the bully'? Having worked in schools I have noticed that many parents refer to children who won't do exactly as their child wants as 'bullies'. It is sometimes the case, but more often than not, there is more to it.

This. 'Use your words' doesn't work on bullies.

I will always advocate for standing up for yourself in whatever way is necessary if other routes to resolve the issue have failed. And I would always have my child’s back if they did this. You cannot go through life being picked on and shoved around.

I will always advocate for standing up for yourself in whatever way is necessary if other routes to resolve the issue have failed

Well, this information is missing from the OP. What other routes have been explored, if indeed this actually happened?

@Pumperthepumper

Why should my son move school in year 5 away from all his friends because of a bully and the school's ineptitude?

It's an age old problem. Schools won't deal with bullying but are surprised when children do.

Why the fuck should he move schools? Teaching a child to run away when things get difficult and teaching the bully they can get away with it. I cannot get my head around some of these comments. I'm not a violent person and neither are my kids, but damn right I'd be proud if they stood up to some little scrote.

Perhaps don't wait until the aftermath then.

You have to stand up to bullies, it's the only language they understand

I would be proud too op

@TicketToParadise From experience, the only way bullies learn is when somebody else resorts to violence. My friend was badly bullied at school by an awful boy. He was absolutely vile. My friend stood her ground with him but nothing changed. She told teachers and nothing helped. I stood up to him (with a bit of violence!) and he didn't bother her after that.

Hmm. Well if it happened like this, fair enough but I have had to deal with a parent who has told her son to ‘hit back’ / get his own back and as a result he has had two quite awful kickings - one in our school where the child he “snapped and punched”, punched him back so hard that he was almost knocked out (‘bully’ child was a boxer) and once in secondary where he was properly beaten up by a well known asshole - he didn’t have a chance.

when these stories are told they always seem to end “and the bully never touched him again” whereas in my experience, it’s quite often the opposite.

quite the response! I’ve had numerous meetings with his class teacher and she said ‘let’s keep an eye in things’. Well my boy had to take it into his own hands and I’m glad that he did. I’m envious of him for being able to to address this himself. I was bullied terribly in school and wish that I’d been able to kick the crap out of the bastard a that bullied me(and still affect me today, 40 years later).
I’ll be going into school tomorrow and asking to speak to the e head teacher face to face, and advocating for my son. I’m so proud of him. Nothing will change that. The fact that they didn’t send him home for making another child bleed, speaks volumes. They know they haven’t sorted the problem themselves, so he had to sort it himself.
DS goes to a martial arts class and is very good at it, so he could have fought back months ago, but chose not to. He read he’s the end of his tether and snapped. I’m ok with that

Personally, I think self defence should be taught to all school children as I think it would see a decrease in bullying.

Good for your son. Bullies tend to stop when they’ve met their match.

It sounds as if unresolved issues of your own are clouding your judgement about what's a productive response and what isn't, @Spreeofthemoment.

I was badly bullied at school and moved on. I suspect the bullies achieved precisely nothing with their sad little lives. Whatever happened to them, they don't affect me to the extent that I ever encouraged my children to go down the 'attack' route.

There is always a better way to handle it.

I'd be proud too

Totally with you on this, I'd be proud too... in fact, my son has been bullied at times and I've told him he won't be in trouble if he gets hit/pushed again and he decks the bully.

Because otherwise he also becomes a bully. Why would you make your kid choose between being violent or being bullied?

And if the bully does retaliate, what next? ‘Make him bleed’ more?

I'd be proud too OP. But then I'd tell my son to do the same thing. Fuck just letting the bully continue to get away with it. Bullies deserve a good smack.

Defending yourself isn't bullying.