I know I am but this child was talking non stop for 45 minutes

[Eastie77Returns]

Went to a cafe with a friend this afternoon. A woman came in with 2 children aged about 5 who sat next to us. One of the children spoke loudly non-stop for the entire duration of our stay. It was loud enough that my friend and I couldn’t hear ourselves speak at times and when I say non-stop, the child did not stop at all.

On a few occasion child’s mother made a gentle shh sound but otherwise just stared into the middle distance. If we hadn’t ordered food we honestly would have left earlier. The talking was not the problem really it was the shouting and screeching “MUMMY DID YOU KNOW..” constantly. Loud child placed her hand over the mouth of the other child when that child tried to speak and shouted over her. At one point the child asked me about my book which was on the table next to me. I answered politely and she then proceeded to bellow at me for about 5 minutes. In the end I had to stop answering her as she would not stop. Mum did not intervene. The people on the other side got up and moved to another table at one point - sadly we were too slow to do the same.

We left as soon as we’d finished eating and got a coffee at another cafe nearby.

Flame away but oh my fucking god. AIBU to be really annoyed that the parent did nothing to stop this annoying child??! And yes, I have DC. One is very chatty and I would not have permitted this kind of loud behaviour.

My daughter had a language processing disorder. She's been mute for over a year at one point (selective, but sometimes with us too). But once she starts talking she can't stop, doesn't get social cues to stop, and talks over everyone (including her teachers at school).

She will always have this.

She's bright (99th centile for some language understanding) kind, and generous. But I guess I should lock her away for the good of the wider community, you know in case she irritates a bystander. And I won't be inhibiting her as her speech therapist can't help a mute child. It's not the best for me either as I have misophonia and sometimes I can't stand it either. At least in a cafe or public place you'll be able to get away at some point. I'm guessing the child's mother is a bit like me, and makes attempts that are not heeded, and carries on with life.

If your child was shouting questions at a stranger who was politely answering, you would not intervene but wait for the stranger to tell your child they’d had enough? Ok. Well let’s agree we have different parenting styles then. Because I would not allow my child to disturb two adults engaged in a conversation in that way.

For the record I answered the questions and then turned away from the child several times with a , making it clear the conversation was at an end. She continued loudly badgering me so in the end I had to just ignore her which was not great but I wasn’t going to continue the chat or tell her off with a “that’s enough now” when her mother was sitting next to her.

Odd to post a thread then invent a "take away" that bears no resemblance to the replies.

Mine was also an early talker hasn't shut up since the age of 12 months 🤣🤣🤣🤣😳 it's better now she's 9.

But chatting to the child and probably making their day would’ve took you only a few minutes?? You’re an adult and so is your friend presumably - you could’ve said “let’s finish our important conversation later” clearly you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be around young children. Even if the mother said “Tommy leave those ladies alone now” and he continued talking to you, what would you have expected the mother to do??

I think your expectations of a 5 year old are pretty unrealistic. They don’t learn something immediately. Even if the child wasn’t ND how do you know what the mums going through right now? She may have been zoned out because she’s had some bad news like a terrible diagnosis or is grieving. You haven’t a clue what’s going on in other peoples lives and I agree with the previous poster about it being unkind to judge someone’s parenting. Especially when you saw only 45 minutes of it. You’ve made assumptions about that woman and her parenting without knowing a single thing about them.

You’re not telling me as a parent that you’ve never been out of the house and your kids have behaved like little swines and you’ve wanted the ground to swallow you up - paranoid about making eye contact as you’re frightened of the judgement from adults nearby?? Well guess what… you’re now the judgemental adult every parent dreads!

But chatting to the child and probably making their day would’ve took you only a few minutes?? You’re an adult and so is your friend presumably - you could’ve said “let’s finish our important conversation later” clearly you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be around young children. Even if the mother said “Tommy leave those ladies alone now” and he continued talking to you, what would you have expected the mother to do??

Why should people have to finish their conversation later? If I'm out with DH or a friend I want to talk to them, not some kid. If the parent told them to leave us alone and they didn't I would expect them to actually parent the child and move them away.

Ah my son is like this 🙈. He talks constantly. I think however at a normal volume. He asks questions continually and literally doesn't stop for breath. I'm not sure he would talk to strangers in a cafe without being spoken too first but he enjoys talking to people when they are engaging with him.

😂😂. I can so identify with this!!

YANBU, that would annoy the fuck out of me too... even more so if the kid was chatting at you and the mum was not intervening.

My daughter 6 is like this too she talks non stop about facts , how many moons Jupiter has , how black holes are formed , how many counties and religions the world has god knows how many countries … she is being assessed for Aspergers and having her IQ tested as she is a few years ahead of her peers knowledge wise . It’s draining . I literally had a lady approach me at the weekend at a christmas fair , I dread it as it’s normally negative , thankfully a nice American lady who is a teacher to a gifted class in the US and wanted to ask me if I realised how advanced her vocabulary is . And was just curious about help available in Scotland etc . It was so nice to have someone with something positive to say .

My eldest is like this

But then if I had plonked her Infront of my phone / her iPad at the table there would be another thread on here discussing my poor parenting principles in that regard so parents can't win really can they

I'd rather my child talks to me

That being said if I thought she was being overly loud and/or annoying I'd have told her to pipe down a bit

Be glad you werent on the train I was on tonight. Family from Hell. No option to move elsewhere. Mother called screaming toddler a " wee arsehole" and a " fucking wee shite" , and told older child " your arse fucking stinks".
Kids ran riot. So glad I could get off after 40 minutes

This is way worse than chatty child in cafe. Poor dc, awful adult

The worst experience I ever had in a restaurant was when DH and I were out for dinner and there was a table of 12 people. One of the women was very loud and no-one else at her table got a word in edgeways all night. She spent half the night regaling us all with an inappropriate story about her teenage daughter's sex life. I wonder why her companions didn't tell her to stop being irritating and spoiling the night out for the other tables? Adults are clearly allowed to disregard social niceties.

And yet there are so many threads on here complaining about a mildly irritating child, it's no wonder the British have a reputation for hating children.

As for that video on the plane I think it's shocking that a) that man thought it was OK to film and b) that a TV station thought it was OK to share on TV and then have those inane 'tips'. It says on the report the mother was overheard saying the child has special needs. Can you imagine being a parent of a ND child who has to make a transatlantic trip for some reason knowing it's going to be very challenging for that child and then see some arsehole has filmed them and contacted a TV station who have then decided to share it with the world. How alone and judged would you feel? It's dreadful bullying behaviour by the TV station.

I have a family member who fosters. As you might imagine they have cared for some children with unbelievably complex needs. My family member is incredibly patient and consistent with these very damaged children. And yet some of those children behave very similarly to the child in the video, because they are incapable of responding to patience and consistent boundaries.

The mother sounds like she has just given up....imagine that every day....

Some people like it to be quiet wherever it suits them but there’s no rule that says public places like cafes, public transport etc have to be quiet, they’re not libraries.
Maybe that mother usually tells the kid to stop talking but she happened to be having a bad day today, maybe she had something else on her plate and her mind was on other things. Who knows? You’re taking a specific situation and turning it into a hypothetical one. A child talked loudly and spoiled your meal. You’ll get over it.

Have you read any of my posts? I DID chat to her. I would never just blank a child. She asked me about my book. I replied. She then continued asking questions incessantly and loudly: how many pages does it have, are there any pictures, who is that on the front cover, I read a book at school today…and on and on. I politely answered all questions, smiled and engaged. Meanwhile her mother said nothing. Eventually I stopped answering because it was never ending.

How long do you think I should have continued?

Do you seriously think I should have told my friend “let’s continue our conversation later” so I could talk to a random child”?

I have TWO autistic children, the younger non verbal and older talking in full sentences since 18 months.

YANBU - I take them out but would not let the older talk like that - I’d leave if I couldn’t stop him.

The younger one is like a rhino though so I don’t go anywhere I can’t strap him in.

I have a non-stop-talking child (neurotypical). It's calmed down a bit now he's 10 but he would have been a bit like this at 5. Like others I tended to chat to him and give him things to do / think about, and not spend too long in cafes. But the main thing is that every time I was in a cafe without him, if any children / babies sat down anywhere near me I would move away as quickly as possible. I still do this. I love kids and find them interesting but I like to choose when I hang out with them. Just don't give them the chance to annoy you - it is no-one's fault really!

Actually your kid?

YANBU. And I say that as a mother of a child like this, she even had conversations in her sleep with her self. Thankfully she is now a teenager we only get short spurts on this type of conversations.

MY sister and husband took to her to the British Museum for day out. My sister text me mid morning to say she had run out of answers to her many, many questions . Oh and why did she have to read every word that was written on every display.

You’re lucky you don’t live in Spain. The majority of kids and adults have shout as their normal tone. Sometimes the decibels are so high in restaurants and cafes that you leave with a horse voice from trying to make yourself heard above the din 😂

Yanbu, I get annoyed by my own child's incessant talking and questions (inwardly of course) let alone someone else's child.

Oh no, I was feeling a bit reassured by a few posts further up about them growing out of it but this! This is my fear!
My daughter (8) does not stop talking, she’ll interrupt you telling her to stop talking.
I listen a lot, zone out a lot. have tried talking to her quietly and seriously about it, have tried telling her off, nothing makes a bit of difference.
I’ve heard that saying about listening to what they say now or they won’t want to talk to you when they’re older, but I just can’t do it all the time!

OP when I read your post I’m afraid I hit YABU, pure instinct as my heart just went out to the mum. But my brain knows that it was a sucky lunch for you!

Hahahaha brilliant