I know I am but this child was talking non stop for 45 minutes

[Eastie77Returns]

Went to a cafe with a friend this afternoon. A woman came in with 2 children aged about 5 who sat next to us. One of the children spoke loudly non-stop for the entire duration of our stay. It was loud enough that my friend and I couldn’t hear ourselves speak at times and when I say non-stop, the child did not stop at all.

On a few occasion child’s mother made a gentle shh sound but otherwise just stared into the middle distance. If we hadn’t ordered food we honestly would have left earlier. The talking was not the problem really it was the shouting and screeching “MUMMY DID YOU KNOW..” constantly. Loud child placed her hand over the mouth of the other child when that child tried to speak and shouted over her. At one point the child asked me about my book which was on the table next to me. I answered politely and she then proceeded to bellow at me for about 5 minutes. In the end I had to stop answering her as she would not stop. Mum did not intervene. The people on the other side got up and moved to another table at one point - sadly we were too slow to do the same.

We left as soon as we’d finished eating and got a coffee at another cafe nearby.

Flame away but oh my fucking god. AIBU to be really annoyed that the parent did nothing to stop this annoying child??! And yes, I have DC. One is very chatty and I would not have permitted this kind of loud behaviour.

I totally agree.

I’m not there and I’m not a betting person but I’m willing to bet that child was on the spectrum . That’s quite a common way for girls with asd behaving at around that age .
You could have just moved table , try and be a bit more tolerant .

I’d rather be in a cafe with a talkative child than a miserable arse like this.

I would have just either ignored the child or said “ I’d like to speak to my friend and have a conversation with her. You need to have a different conversation with your mum/sibling right now and not with me. “ if child carries on I’d just move away

My DD sometimes does the same I remind her of indoor voice. I do sometimes just zone out and go somewhere else in my mind 🤣🤣 sorry OP. She's much better now at 9.

Gutted 🙄

As a mum of an ASD and ADHD child I agree with this. It actually shocks me how many parents think that because there child is autistic they are incapable of learning appropriate behaviours. On my view no child will learn if nobody tries to teach them. Some of the most capable and confident and educated adults I have met are autistic. My son wants to be an engineer. It's taken far more work and support but he now does amazing at school and has a lovely little group of friends. We went for a meal recently as a family of 5 (3 kids ages 10,6 and 3) and it was my autistic child who reminded his younger siblings what was appropriate restaurant behaviour such as indoor voices, no shouting etc. He knew this as I had taught him.

I do know there are exceptions to this but most children can learn if taught. OP this would annoy me too as the parent should have reminded the child of appropriate behaviour.

My 3-year-old is a nonstop talker (I have ADHD and we suspect he may end up with a diagnosis in future). I understand why the mum looked zoned out!

I do try to redirect my DS when he chooses a random person in a café/park/supermarket to talk at. But I won’t judge this mum, because she’s had 2 more years of it than I have, and I have no idea what else could be going on in their lives.

Do understand your point, though, OP. Of course YANBU to feel annoyed.

Lovely another mother-bashing thread.

When I go out it’s drunk adults and dogs who are annoying but on mumsnet they always go baying for the children.

Its really tedious.

Of course YANBU to feel annoyed.

She is BU to start daft goady threads.

We have to share the world with mildly annoying people, it’s part of life.

Kids have to be taught their place. Still, it could’ve been worse; it could’ve been in the pub

That's a very sweet anecdote. 🙂

Loud children come from families where nobody listens to them.

Don’t be so ridiculous, my DD is loud because she has significant hearing loss and ASD, teaching her social skills is a daily task and sometimes she literally can’t hear herself over background noise. She listened to all the time (and I do mean all the time - anxiety makes her chatter all the more), she’s learning to be quiet and listen more but it’s a slow work in progress.

Heh.
DS was 16 last month and STILL never shuts the fuck up!

A few years ago his friends and other kids at his school had a scale for how much people talked and the ultimate was "...talking more than <DS' name>".

He does have ADHD and is medicated, but as soon as it became obvious at around 3-4 that he was a massive gobshite I drilled it into him that you take turns at talking and that you don't use a loud/outdoor voice.

I do feel for that mum - I've been there (still am) and it really is exhausting - but when out and about I just kept reminding him:

"When you're too loud, other people can't enjoy their food/hear themselves talk/concentrate on reading..."

"I have to think now,"

"My ears are really tired now'"

And repeat.
AND repeat.

Sometimes, though, you literally do just give up and stare into space.

My finest moment, which I still recall fondly, was telling him that his rugby gumshield needed to be in his mouth for ten minutes to set properly and that he had to stay quiet for that exact length of time.

Fucking silence for ten glorious minutes. It said on the box you only needed two minutes, but you take your victories when you can.

Then there was the time we paid him £1 per minute of silence.

We were waiting for the teenage monosyllabic grunting phase, but no. It's not happening. He's a bit quieter when he's medicated, but he doesn't take the Ritalin evenings/weekends/holidays, so we get the full force.

Exactly!
Also they were presumably eating and drinking, so why would it be " normal" for a child to be saying " Mummy look, Mummy watch"?
That's what you would expect in a park,not a cafe.

Every child that is loud and annoying on MN is always nearly always considered to be ''On the spectrum''
Some kids are just loud, extremely irritating and attention seeking.
@Eastie77Returns There is a cafe near here that is like a zoo with noise..Kids running across tables while the mothers do nothing to rein them in.
Awful place, you can't hear yourself think.

Erm... we know our children are capable of learning, but it takes time, it's not going to happen overnight and they're not going to learn at all if we keep them locked away at home all the time. We don't know what stage of the journey this family are at.

That mother loosing the will to live is me.

YABU

I have a young child who CANNOT stop talking. Currently looking into getting her assessed for ADHD.

It's a struggle and I'm really self conscious of it. She's such a lovely girl, she'll sit at the table nicely but just talks and talks and talks. Whenever I'm out I worry people are judging my parenting or labelling her as naughty.

Reading posts like don't help.

I should add wouldn't take her to a fancy restaurant, but if my mum friends are meeting up in a cafe then why shouldn't I go?

This made me lol. I've been there. Hope all's well with the MRI!

Beggars belief how many people on mum's site, really seem to hate children. It's one of the reasons I don't come on here too often anymore.

I’ve addressed the ‘move table’ suggestion a few times now. There was one spare table and the other neighbouring customers who were clearly annoyed by the noise quickly moved to it. We had to remain in the cafe as we were waiting for the food we’d ordered.

I amazed at the number of people on this thread who are able to offer up all manner of diagnosis for this child: hearing impairment, ASD, the mum has been trying “for years” to control a difficult child and has now given up…All or none of this could be true. Regardless, I’m allowed to feel exasperated.

This is my kid. I lost the will to live yesterday.

Ill mannered children, who are impacting on others, with no attempt by the parent or adult with them to rein the bad behaviour in are always going to be looked at askance.
There was a hellion that screamed on a transatlantic flight on you tube, lots pf people recorded it, and it was horrendous. Made it to the News.
The mother did nothing to control the child.

I don’t have any problems with a child who talks and talks.

I’ve explained I can tune that out.

This child was talking extremely loudly and at times shouting. Non stop for almost an hour. Then began shouting questions at me (not aggressively) and when I answered her and tried to restart my conversation with my friend she continued to loudly interrupt.

I didn’t say anything to her mum, I’m sure she was tired/zoned out. But I was annoyed.

I do not dislike children or have any issue with children in public places talking, playing laughing or whatever but this was intrusive.

Definitely not.

If you'd turned around to my child and said 'oh I best get back to my meal/friend' or 'I can't chat any longer' or 'I think that's enough chat about my book' then I would have physically moved them away and distracted them myself.

But what is unreasonable is it seems you went along with the chat and now you're going behind the mums back to bitch about their parenting?