To ignore the crying woman on the train

[Rainlady]

On the way back from dinner tonight, I noticed that a woman opposite me (across the aisle) on the train was quietly but audibly crying, sniffling.

There was also a woman sat directly opposite her, with headphones in who didnt seem to notice. I also had headphones on but could still hear.

I didn't ask if she was OK or anything because I didn't think it was any of my business, and thought she might just want to be left alone. (I probably would). But now I feel bad for not checking she was OK. Aibu for not saying anything?

If I was that lady, I would want to be left alone. But others might not want to be.
You can ask, and go from there.

I think I would have asked if she was ok and could I do anything. Even given her a tissue. But then again I might not have! Don’t feel bad.

I would want someone to notice and at least ask or hand me a tissue.
There’s nothing worse than feeling invisible when distressed.
Especially since trains are a common way to end things, I’d want to extend a branch or life line in the event she were thinking along those lines.

I've been both you and the crying lady before!

When I was crying, I wanted everyone to politely ignore me. But when I saw another woman crying, I just quietly handed her a tissue - didn't say anything - she was really grateful and we ended up having a chat.

I don't think you did anything wrong, we brits struggle with public emotion lol But if you have a tissue, I think just handing it over is a good compromise!

I've been the one on the train crying
Fleeing domestic violence heavily pregnant

I remember a woman just sat and stared at me for the whole journey

Wanted to tell her to piss right off

In that situation I'm the person that asks, just checks in.

But don't feel bad, I'm sure she will be ok.

I recall crying once on a train as my friends dog had died and it made me think of my old dog.. and just couldn't stop blabbing, but it felt a bit silly!!

Yes I'd have asked her if she was ok and needed any help

I personally would want to be left alone. I hate being publicly distressed (which is why I almost never cry). But I think some people do find it very cold that people ignore unhappiness.

To be honest I think you can get this wrong both ways!

I would have asked if she was OK but then that's my day job.

I would’ve quietly checked if I could help her and offered tissues. I’m a search and rescue volunteer, I’d hate to think she might go on to harm / kill herself as many of the people we look for do, so I wouldn’t be able to totally ignore someone obviously distressed.

I once had to get a train home from
work after finding out my young sibling had terminal cancer. I was bawling my eyes out on the train whilst trying not to attract attention. One woman offered me a tissue and one man asked me if I was ok as we got off at the same stop. I will never forget either of their kindness.

I've seen a few people like that and always goe
for the reassuring smile approach. Personally I'd hate to be approached in that situation so don't approach others. I don't think there is a right answer as we're all different.

Thanks for sharing that @ZiggyAndChanelle

I once saw a woman crying on the phone in an atrium style cafe. I didn’t interrupt her, but put a cup of tea and some tissues in front of her then went back to my table.

I either give them a smile to show I’m friendly in case they need help or hand them a tissue without saying anything.

Having been the crying woman before, I’ve either wanted someone to speak to me or to be ignored, depending on why I was crying.

I sat across a crying man once and handed him a tissue, and some drunk fool was mocking him to me until he got off the train. Some people can be nasty.

I've seen quite a few people crying and distressed in my train journeys. I always hand them a tissue, smile, pat their knee and carry on reading.

Someone done this to me when I was a teenager crying over a break up and it was such a nice and unexpected gesture

I sat across from a man at a restaurant once who was quietly crying...he looked so sad. I wanted to say something but then reflected that in the reverse I wouldn't want anyone to notice or comment.

@ZiggyAndChanelle yes thanks for sharing the link 😊

One time I was coming back home on the train and feeling really unwell and couldn't stop crying. It was quiet but there was someone near me. She studiously ignored me the whole way, which was her choice. But as you're asking, I would have liked if she'd asked how I was or offered me a tissue.

I remember sitting on a bus and the woman in front of me was crying. I just passed her a pack of tissues and she said a small thank you. I got off the bus shortly afterwards. It was a long time ago but I still remember her.

The replies here show that people respond in all different ways, but I think a kind gesture always worthwhile... tissues especially. I've always been grateful for such things.

From my experience, the worst anyone can say to a crying person is 'it can't be that bad'. The rather patronising woman disappeared sharpish in (presumably) embarrassment when she discovered that indeed it could.

Given the circumstances, I would have quietly offered a tissue (which I carry everywhere!) and said 'I'm sitting over there if you want to talk about it'- followed by a comforting smile.

Yeah the intention of of giving her a tissue was there, but I didn't have any!

I also cried on a train once. Broke up with an ex in Manchester (he'd recently moved there to do a PhD) and I absolutely sobbed all the way back to London. Fortunately it was late and a quiet carriage. I hid myself away at the back of the train and was thankful nobody seemed to see/hear me. So this made me think she might want to be left alone.

Thanks for sharing @ZiggyAndChanelle

Actually I never made the connection between the woman being upset and the train being a risk.