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Original poster

To expect DH to help me whilst the World Cup is on

227 replies

Sheilazwheelz · 29/11/2022 20:49

I mean with the kids? Should I expect him to help me put the kids to bed whilst the footie is on? He seems to think he is exempt now.

OP posts:
Abouttimemum · 30/11/2022 13:03

I’ll add that we always alternate bath and bed, not just when the World Cup is on!

BabyFour2023 · 30/11/2022 13:17

aSofaNearYou · 30/11/2022 13:00

Why? Why does a mother need help putting her children in the bath and into bed? Surely we’re all more than capable? And in 5 years of parenting, surely they haven’t done it together every single night??

Why not do all the parenting, since it's all about proving we're hard enough and "can do it"? Of course we could all do it all, the point is in a partnership you should be able to expect to share the load.

As for doing it together every single night - they have two children. So yes me and my DP do it together by default pretty much every night in the sense that one of us looks after one child whilst the other does the other. Not that we're both sat reading one child a book together.

Ohhh, you’re one of those women.
🙄

aSofaNearYou · 30/11/2022 13:22

Ohhh, you’re one of those women.

What's that supposed to mean? I can't think of anything in that comment anyone could possibly roll their eyes at 😂

Skinnermarink · 30/11/2022 13:28

What’s one of ‘those women’, pray tell?

VoiceOfCommonSense · 30/11/2022 13:56

Sheilazwheelz · 29/11/2022 20:49

I mean with the kids? Should I expect him to help me put the kids to bed whilst the footie is on? He seems to think he is exempt now.

I think it’s pretty selfish of you... I mean the football only comes every 4 years, well only every 2 years if you include euro, well every Saturday during the season if you count the premiership. When will he have the chance to watch more football!!

BabyFour2023 · 30/11/2022 14:09

aSofaNearYou · 30/11/2022 13:22

Ohhh, you’re one of those women.

What's that supposed to mean? I can't think of anything in that comment anyone could possibly roll their eyes at 😂

Really? You think women put their children to bed to “prove their hard enough” it’s pathetic. Bet you’re one of the cool wife tribe too who love to throw that one out if a woman “allows” her husband to leave the house without her. Not during bedtime obviously 🙄😂

BabyFour2023 · 30/11/2022 14:10

Skinnermarink · 30/11/2022 13:28

What’s one of ‘those women’, pray tell?

See previous reply.

aSofaNearYou · 30/11/2022 14:14

Really? You think women put their children to bed to “prove their hard enough” it’s pathetic. Bet you’re one of the cool wife tribe too who love to throw that one out if a woman “allows” her husband to leave the house without her. Not during bedtime obviously

No, I think people whose only response to someone wanting equal input from their DH when it comes to the kids is "why can't you do it yourself" is trying to prove they're hard enough.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/11/2022 14:21

Tbf there are loads of things that I can do myself but are more enjoyable with someone else.

DemelzaandRoss · 30/11/2022 15:09

It really isn’t difficult to bath children & get them to bed. You are the parent & in charge. Single parents do this all the time irrespective of sex. Compromise is the word. Surely with a competition which comes round every 4 years it’s not the end of the world to deal with bedtime yourself. In the future there maybe something you really don’t want to miss, or you want to go out. A good relationship is based on mutual help & respect. My partner loves World Cup Football & I wouldn’t dream of insisting he does this, that & the other. Just chill out.

Goldbar · 30/11/2022 15:14

It really isn’t difficult to bath children & get them to bed. You are the parent & in charge.

Is the OP a single parent? Missed that. Is her DH not also a parent and in charge?

Of course it isn't difficult! The question is, should OP's OH assume that she will be happy to do everything for the whole time the football is on without even having the basic courtesy to ask her and offer to return the favour?

The issue is this - if you are default parent, you have to ask or beg for favours and it is a big deal if you want time of. If you are not, you can merrily do your own thing and assume the other parent will pick up the pieces. Functional relationships don't have a default parent.

DemelzaandRoss · 30/11/2022 15:20

I have never had to ask or beg favours. We simply help each other. Too much overthinking going on.

Goldbar · 30/11/2022 15:32

DemelzaandRoss · 30/11/2022 15:20

I have never had to ask or beg favours. We simply help each other. Too much overthinking going on.

So if you wanted to go out with friends, you'd simply head out, would you? You wouldn't bother checking that your OH was ok with looking after the children?

girlmom21 · 30/11/2022 15:36

@Goldbar checking that your schedules don't clash isn't asking for a favour. Saying "you're not doing anything on x date are you? Ok I'll be out that evening" isn't the same as having to say "do you mind if I go out and then I'll make sure you get equal free time" like people suggest should happen on here.

aSofaNearYou · 30/11/2022 15:44

girlmom21 · 30/11/2022 15:36

@Goldbar checking that your schedules don't clash isn't asking for a favour. Saying "you're not doing anything on x date are you? Ok I'll be out that evening" isn't the same as having to say "do you mind if I go out and then I'll make sure you get equal free time" like people suggest should happen on here.

If somebody said "you're free this month aren't you? Cool, well I'll be out for all of it" then I would certainly expect them to make up for it at another time rather than just assume that will be fine. That's the difference here.

girlmom21 · 30/11/2022 15:50

@aSofaNearYou he's not out though, is he? She's literally taking the kids up to bed at a specific time. That's it. It's not like he's completely opting out of family life.

aSofaNearYou · 30/11/2022 15:56

girlmom21 · 30/11/2022 15:50

@aSofaNearYou he's not out though, is he? She's literally taking the kids up to bed at a specific time. That's it. It's not like he's completely opting out of family life.

I think it really depends how hard they are at bedtime tbh, they might not be easy (quite likely at their ages).

But if he works full time and is doing this in the evening then it is the equivalent of him being out all those nights, if he isn't available to chip in.

toomuchlaundry · 30/11/2022 15:57

@girlmom21 so if one of the DC refused to go to bed, was playing up, ill, nightmare etc, who would be expected to go up and see to them whilst the football was on. Not all children go to bed and settle quickly (just have to see numerous threads on MN to testify that), for the 3 weeks of the World Cup is that down to the OP. I also notice she made the dinner as her DH settled down to the football at 6. Will that be her responsibility for the next 3 weeks too?

EverythingsRosey · 30/11/2022 16:00

Goldbar · 30/11/2022 15:14

It really isn’t difficult to bath children & get them to bed. You are the parent & in charge.

Is the OP a single parent? Missed that. Is her DH not also a parent and in charge?

Of course it isn't difficult! The question is, should OP's OH assume that she will be happy to do everything for the whole time the football is on without even having the basic courtesy to ask her and offer to return the favour?

The issue is this - if you are default parent, you have to ask or beg for favours and it is a big deal if you want time of. If you are not, you can merrily do your own thing and assume the other parent will pick up the pieces. Functional relationships don't have a default parent.

The whole 2hrs? I am the default parent in my home, my partner (my 2 kids dad & he has 1 other) works evenings, I certainly don't need to beg or ask for favours 🤦🏼‍♀️ if it's one of his days off I tell him I'm going/doing such and such... If an event comes up on a day he's working I ask if it's possible for him to get the night off, I don't understand what the issue is... It's honestly perplexing.

If OP wanted to participate in a hobby and hubby said no as it's your night of putting the kids to bed there's no way all you women would be saying the same thing, it's ridiculous 🥲

cakecoffeecakecoffee · 30/11/2022 16:04

We usually put one child each to bed (ages 3 and 7).

when footy is on I either do them both or he might sort younger one before kick off, or older one at half time. It varies. He may then do both another night to even things out, but not necessarily. It’s swings and roundabouts really.

3 year old is easy to put to bed and 7 year old is a nightmare (just for context).

girlmom21 · 30/11/2022 16:06

toomuchlaundry · 30/11/2022 15:57

@girlmom21 so if one of the DC refused to go to bed, was playing up, ill, nightmare etc, who would be expected to go up and see to them whilst the football was on. Not all children go to bed and settle quickly (just have to see numerous threads on MN to testify that), for the 3 weeks of the World Cup is that down to the OP. I also notice she made the dinner as her DH settled down to the football at 6. Will that be her responsibility for the next 3 weeks too?

The football is on for a whole 90 minutes - it's not like it's all night.

Hugasauras · 30/11/2022 16:18

Well essentially it's one person checking out of an aspect of parenting for X amount of time, isn't it? Whether you are okay with it or not probably depends where on the scale of useless to not your husband falls otherwise and whether he would be happy for you to do the same if it was something you were interested in.

Personally I think every game is excessive and I would be happy enough for the important ones but otherwise he can just watch it on catch-up 🤷‍♀️ so I don't think he needs to opt out of bedtimes totally.

aSofaNearYou · 30/11/2022 16:19

If OP wanted to participate in a hobby and hubby said no as it's your night of putting the kids to bed there's no way all you women would be saying the same thing, it's ridiculous

But if she wanted to participate in a hobby every night for three weeks then we would be saying she should be doing some of those nights, or at least making up for it elsewhere. Honestly, why do people keep acting like this is a one night thing?

aSofaNearYou · 30/11/2022 16:23

The football is on for a whole 90 minutes - it's not like it's all night

But right over bedtime, that's not insignificant. My DD used to be great at bedtime but has been getting up and out of bed over and over for the past few weeks. It's been stressful and exasperating. But it's usually over after 90 minutes. The early to mid evening basically IS all night with small children. After that they're (hopefully) asleep.

TheGoogleMum · 30/11/2022 16:54

We normally take bedtime in turns roughly, and do it if they other has plans. If DH was having plans every night I wouldn't be happy about that though. If you aren't bothered I'd maybe let him off for England games (assuming he's an England fan) but he can't use it as an excuse every night