To expect DH to help me whilst the World Cup is on

[Sheilazwheelz]

I mean with the kids? Should I expect him to help me put the kids to bed whilst the footie is on? He seems to think he is exempt now.

It's nice to let him watch the football, maybe do a swap and ask him to give you a "night off" another time.

Your username is a bit ironic

We both manage to watch the football without the house falling down.

A lot of people seem to have missed the fact that it isn’t just for his team’s matches, it’s every match.

To compare it to a DH doing bedtime while they go out for dinner or yoga, that comparison only works if you’re going out almost every evening for a month straight.

He’s taking the piss OP.

Well I'm female, I follow my teams games, my kids are 7 & 9 and watch games with me now... If they were too young to stay up I would put them to bed prior or during half time. As she doesn't like football and he does then yes I'd expect her to suck it up.

Relationships are give and take, OP sounds like she needs to get better at communicating & that she's bitter her husband has a passion.

@EverythingsRosey has the OP says she doesn’t like football. Why does she have to get better at communicating? Why didn’t DH talk about watching the football and how that would fit round family life? In your words she should suck it up ie the assumption that the world stood still for DH so he can watch football

It’s a shame OP didn’t clarify originally that it was all matches he’s expecting to opt out for, not just England games. Since a lot of people, especially on the first couple of pages, haven’t RTFT and are assuming it’s just England matches.

Also it’s missing the point to say that both parents don’t need to be there for every bedtime and there should be give and take for hobbies. Because that implies fairness and discussion.

OP’s husband clearly just assumes that his ‘helping’ is optional and he doesn’t need to ask nicely whether it’s ok for him to opt out for the whole World Cup. Because OP, as she says, always makes sure she is available. And our society too often just assumes women pick up the childcare and housework by default.

@Sheilazwheelz For me think it’s the ‘unfairness’ of it, any football/golf etc in this house my DH expects to be able to get out of parenting/cooking/life and I should accept it because it’s only this game/this tournament without seeing the bigger picture that’s actually it’s quite often and because I don’t expect the same free passes for anything he’s never left to run everything for weeks at a time.

I expect the reason it gets to those of us on this thread so much is that it’s indicative of the unfair labour distribution in our homes. It’s something I am working on but there’s always an excuse, it just so happens that excuse is the World Cup at the moment….

"Op needs to get better at communicating that she's bitter that her husband has a passion" 🤨

Yes, that's the obvious solution here 🤣 not that the father needs to parent -up and wake up to the fact that he doesn't "help" with his own offspring - he takes 50% responsibility and discusses how to do things fairly/ give his wife equivalent number of nights while off if he has a lot of nights he wants to skip putting his children to bed.

@Pictograph

ask him to give you a "night off" another time.

This illustrates the issue really well.

He's not her boss covering her shifts as a favour while she books her annual leave.

If both partners are contributing equally and shouldering their half of the load, the odd football match wouldn't be an issue.

Op said it's every match , not just the England games

I think for people (mostly men but also many women as well) the World Cup is a special event and are glued to the TV following their Country games.

Personally, if my DH gives his share of work with the kids when the World Cup is not on, I wouldn't give it a thought. Another issue is if he's on his tablet/TV watching every game for 3 weeks while I'm stressed out of my brain trying to manage work, kids, house and everything else.

My DH loves football and I did my healthy share of coping with the kids when the World Cup or Champion League were on. But I only needed to tell him, I need you to make dinner/give baths if the struggle of the working day was too much for him to forget football.

Oh ffs it’s pretty clear the OP is talking about this World Cup that is going on at the moment. So it’s not really a big deal is it. She hasn’t said she wants to watch it so I can’t see a problem.

Make a deal with him: you'll do bedtimes for now, he will do an equivalent number when the footy isn't on.

You need to nip this helping business in the bud. He isn't helping YOU. If anything he is helping HIS children. That aside, its the world cup. My dh is mad about football. He doesn't drink, doesn't bring any ''lads" around. All he wants to do is to sit with some chocolate and watch his games. Its not a huge ask I don't think. It makes him happy. He is always there if there is something I want to do, go out with friends, work late etc.

This - it’s not helping, it’s him doing his fair share. As long as he does that, fine to swap it about.

YABU. It's once every 4 years for a few weeks and it's only the 7pm matches that would affect him helping. If you are referring to the England game last night then you are VV unreasonable.

Yeah, I know what she's talking about. I was replying to you, wasn't I, to your comment that there is a (as in 1) football World Cup tournament every four years. There isn't. There are 2 or 3 football World Cup tournaments every four years. 👍

If he loves football then yes I would do it, and I know (in my relationship) he'd make it up later.

Relationships don't have to be chained together at all times.

I have 2 young dc and this year I went on a 2 week backpacking holiday by myself. My DH was happy for me to go and had no problem parenting solo for 2 weeks. I look forward to him doing the same.

Most football fans do not solely watch the WC and the WC only every four years, do they.

@OoooohMatron and if OP wanted to watch the football?

No but its fairly obvious OP is referring to the world cup.

Nobody is stopping the OP watching the football.

She doesn't though so it's a non issue.

We just share responsibilities equally. I do some bed times, he does others. Depends what we have on. Sounds like many parents don’t share responsibilities and that’s where issues arise. But that’s a far bigger marital problem than just watching the football.

While his team are playing then YABU if you have no interest in watching yourself. Every game? He can get in the bin.