To expect DH to help me whilst the World Cup is on

[Sheilazwheelz]

I mean with the kids? Should I expect him to help me put the kids to bed whilst the footie is on? He seems to think he is exempt now.

Fine? You repeated yourself loads of times, I questioned your point as many on here do. That's how the discussion works, nobody is obliged to change their mind. I really don't understand why you are being so weird about someone engaging with what you said.

Helping each other is a completely normal and healthy part of a functional family. Help
means to assist and yes we assist each other all the time. I don’t get the criticism of helping each other in a family. It has nothing to do with not being a responsible parent or partner or home or car owner. If I help with dinner by chopping veggies while he cooks or I help by holding a ladder while he fixes the roof or I help with homework because I know more about the subject or I help with lunches because we are running behind schedule. I don’t get the sentiment on here that helping each other out in a family is bad.

But you clearly don't fit the MN sexist mould where men watch football and women watch tennis or celeb programmes! My late OH would do anything but sit down with me to watch the F1 races.

What she said, in a brilliant way.

I might get myself a ‘cool wife’ T-shirt and own it lol

musingsinmidlife
The issue with 'helping' is that for every woman like you and me who are in equitable relationships with men who do their fair share, there's probably dozens of women in relationships where the default position of wife/female partner is to carry the domestic load, carry the mental load, be the default parent, be the default childcare provider.

Those women are continuously told by their partners, and society at large to be honest, that a man looking after his own children is babysitting or he helps out when he does something around the house. The implication is that domestic and child responsibilities are default woman jobs and if a man does any of them, the women should be super bloody grateful that the man helps because there's loads of men who do nothing.

Women like you, me, and posters in similar relationships probably use the word help to mean assist as part of an outlook of two people sharing the load, but our relationships aren't the norm and too many women get the short straw whilst the men opt out

We take it in turns. Last night it was ohs turn.

He missed part of the match, including 2 goals.

He’s a massive footie fan but did he care or make a stink? No. He watched the highlights and on catch up.

Family life shouldn’t stop just because of a game (and it doesn’t for me if I’m watching cricket or tennis which are my fav sports).

Sorry but if he's a massive footie fan and you didn't offer to swap chores with him when England were playing I think that's really shit of you to be honest, as it would be if it was the other way round.

If it's something one partner has a particular interest in and the other doesn't, yes it makes sense for the uninterested partner to cover during those periods. But not for a whole fucking month, and not outside the game itself- the build up is unnecessary. And there has to be some reciprocity too. The DH here is taking the piss.

We take it in turns but we both like doing bedtime so I have no problem doing it a few nights in a row.

@musingsinmidlife the issue with the word 'help' is that men tend to 'help' with children whereas women 'parent'. If a woman goes out for the night, it is often mentioned that the husband is at home babysitting. Whereas if a man goes out no comment is made on the fact that the woman is at home looking after the children.

I would stop thinking of it (and stop phrasing it to him) as him "helping" you with this. Children need to be bathed and put to bed, and in a house with two parents TWO parents should have the responsibility - it shouldn't fall to one with the other "helping" when they are fit. It's not "helping", it's part of being a parent.

Is the cool wife T-shirt the new mn scarf?

I feel really agreevied.
So do something about it. Talk to Dh.
No.

Oh. Ok then.

I have offered in the past and he always says “no”.
He enjoys being a dad more than he enjoys watching a game.
So not “really shit” of me at all thanks.

Unless you’re Sue Radford and have 22 children then YABU to need help putting children to bed.

I wouldn't mind doing it during a few games so long as that's reciprocated. Not everything has to be exactly equal, so long as it balances out.

Sorry, didn't realise he was such a Saint, you lucky thing you.

We were surprised that the broadcast started at 6pm, that seemed rather early. I'd have thought that both of you could have got them both ready before kickoff, not him parked on front of the pre-match waffle.

I know I’m brilliant aren’t I.

Oh please.

Well yes, but they are young enough to not really care.

Why? Why does a mother need help putting her children in the bath and into bed? Surely we’re all more than capable? And in 5 years of parenting, surely they haven’t done it together every single night??

Why? Why does a mother need help putting her children in the bath and into bed? Surely we’re all more than capable? And in 5 years of parenting, surely they haven’t done it together every single night??

Why not do all the parenting, since it's all about proving we're hard enough and "can do it"? Of course we could all do it all, the point is in a partnership you should be able to expect to share the load.

As for doing it together every single night - they have two children. So yes me and my DP do it together by default pretty much every night in the sense that one of us looks after one child whilst the other does the other. Not that we're both sat reading one child a book together.

Well we just have one so probably easier but we alternate bedtimes so one of us sees the start of the match while the other is doing bedtime and vice versa the next night. He’s asleep for 7.30 though so we always watch the second half together. For England games we start it on the hub after DS is asleep so we can watch it together.

Helps that we’re both watching it I suppose!