To expect DH to help me whilst the World Cup is on

[Sheilazwheelz]

I mean with the kids? Should I expect him to help me put the kids to bed whilst the footie is on? He seems to think he is exempt now.

@OoooohMatron if a dad has opted out of parenting for 3 weeks because of football that is rubbish. Not much give and take there

The cool wives comment comes out at every opportunity. It’s quite pathetic. If you’re not jealous of female friends you’re a “cool wife”, if you don’t mind if your husband goes out with his friends a few times a week you’re a “cool wife”. Basically if you’re not jealous , insecure or a control freak you’re a “cool wife”. It’s no wonder so few marriages work out long term .

Exactly. In an equal relationship where both partners are able to do the things they enjoy, why would someone wanting to watch the football be an issue? If it’s not an equal relationship and one partner is expected to pick up all the slack, then the issue is the marriage, not the football.

As long as he pulls his weight in other areas of family life I don't see the problem. OP didn't say he was generally shit. If he is then the football would be a tip of the iceberg.

Quite!

I am not jealous, insecure or pathetic. Quite the contrary. I just find it irritating that on every one of these threads, some posters absolutely trio over themselves to say well, ‘
’MY DH can watch as much football as he likes!!! He can fill his boots!!! I wouldn’t mind if he went to Quatar for the entire event, and left me juggling full time work with two small children morning and night!! Because it’s important to him!!! Sometimes I get to do yoga!!’ In the rush to demonstrate how relaxed they are about their own household equality, they miss the point.

And the point is, these sorts of OP’s are rarely complaining about ONE game of football and the DH being a hands on Saint of a dad ALL the other nights of the year. There’s a bigger picture. My DH would say that things are pretty equal in our house. Both work full time. Do I veg out on the sofa every Saturday and Sunday while F1 is on so I don’t miss a moment? And ignore the fact that DS will want lunch, need to go outside for a run around, needs clean clothes…. Do I fecking buggery!!!! And he watches football on top. And yes, I totally need to readdress this and get some balance. But it’s not that easy. Unfortunately, some men think they’re entitled to indulge their whims and wants at every opportunity, while their spouse picks up the slack in the background.

Also it shouldn't be an expectation that he can opt out of parenting for 3 weeks. The OP states that DH thinks he is exempt whilst football is on, so I am assuming he hasn't discussed it with OP. So all take and no give.

DS is now a teen so bedtime routine is not an issue anymore, but he needs ferrying to activities etc, so before accepting any invitation, be it work or social, that clashes with his activities DH and I check if the other parent is around to do the ferrying, if not, then we try and find a solution. Sometimes DS has to miss hs activity. So everyone in the family participates in give and take. That is how it should be, not an immediate assumption that someone can opt out for 3 weeks

Op there's 10 days in December when there isn't a match, up to the final on 18th. Tell you DH the price of a pass for the early games is that he does it all on those 10 days.

Well he doesn't need to complain if he's hardly ever the one dealing with it, does he.

Oh come on. @Skinnermarink has proved the point exactly. She needs to redress the balance.

I don't. My balance is fine. And is normally. Dh does loads for house, dc, then lays around watching football. A lot. I work, batch cook 84 meatballs, wash ds2's football kit. And then slob about doing not very much - mn'ing constantly, whilst Dh watches just about every football match (ever) that is televised. Works a treat.

That’s ridiculous of him. Unless you get equal completely free and protected time, it’s just tough when you have two such little ones. It’s a television programme at the end of the day - yes it means a lot to him, but I bet there is entertainment you’d like to watch for hours on end. Which may be the football too for all I know!

Im not anti football - yesterday we all watched the match as it’s important to my Dd (14), and I made clear to ds (8) that she has to be allowed to watch and enjoy it without him asking to change the channel etc. But that’s a wholly different situation to one where you have two children, one of whom is practically a baby, and the other very small, and matches come at very busy times of day.

@OoooohMatron @WaddleAway you're determined to present it like every night for several weeks isn't a lot. It doesn't matter if things are generally equal, if bedtimes are in any way a challenge then this is a large amount to opt out of. People here aren't saying they have an issue with their DH watching a bit of football, they have an issue with him using football as an excuse to opt out loads over a prolonged period. It's not "a bit of give and take" it's loads and loads of take from one person. As others have pointed out, most wouldn't be doing yoga classes or out with friends every night for close to a month. There doesn't have to be other issues in the marriage and people are not being controlling by thinking this is too much.

For instance this would be fine, but it has to be fair overall

"For instance this would be fine, but it has to be fair overall"

Agreed. This has nothing to do with the World Cup. It has to do with women addressing the workload balance. If you feel that your husband or is not doing enough, then you need to talk about it. This is a common recurrent thread on MN.

We’ll have to agree to disagree. I wouldn’t mind doing bedtime every night for that period (if I was there of course, I’m not always, I have plans myself) as long as my partner was picking up the slack in other ways. And he does. For example, my disabled child wakes every morning at 5am. If I do a run of bedtimes, DH will do a run of 5am get ups to make up for it.
I know you want me to agree with you, I just don’t, sorry.

@WaddleAway I'm pretty sure if he was offering to purposefully pick up the slack elsewhere, like a run of mornings while OP relaxes, there wouldn't be an issue.

The point is even if things are "generally" equal, this solid block of several weeks is too much to ask without offering anything in return. And it's not controlling to say feel that way.

Agree with you @aSofaNearYou

I also don’t think a decent partner and hands on dad would think of suggesting it either.

Watching Every game from an hour before the start as OP has stated is in no way reasonable

Exactly! Like I have said all along, if there was equality in the relationship overall then I don’t see why it would be a problem. Equality isn’t both partners doing exactly 50% of every chore, it’s about being flexible, picking up the slack for the other and allowing equal leisure time. Which is what I’ve said in the entire thread.
And I haven’t once called anyone controlling, I just objected to being called a ‘cool wife’ for having equality in my relationship.
As I have said repeatedly, it looks like there are wider issues in this marriage than just the football.
If I pretend to agree with you will you stop @ ing me to try and change my mind?

Poor children missed the best half then!

I won't @ you WaddleAway, I only did so because sometimes the quote function doesn't work on the app, there's no need to be so defensive about it, lots of people @ others on threads, it's a discussion.

You don't have to "pretend" to agree with me either, we're not saying opposing things. I'm just saying that this particular move from DH is too big for things to be considered equal unless he is a plan to make up for it, which it doesn't sound like he does. Things being equal the rest of the time doesn't cut it when he's expecting so much now.

And yes I know it wasn't you that said controlling, others you were agreeing with were saying that, though.

If he does his fair share usually I think you can let him off. I did it last night despite it being his turn so he could watch footie. However he’s a good husband and always pulls his weight.

It's fine so long as you get nights off to do what you enjoy sometimes.

I made my position clear about 5 posts ago, telling me I was wrong repeatedly didn’t change that! I’m not defensive, it was just getting dull repeating myself.

And on that note I’ve just learned you can hide threads!

No love, just the adults who don't live their lives with a spread sheet of Whose turn is it today! These 'discussions' never seem to look beyond the tedium of child care and cooking, how are other home jobs split, eg garden, DIY, car repairs? Does everyone do their 'share' of those too?
My late OH wasn't bothered about football but developed a surprising interest one year when it coincided with a school music concert!