But that's the point, I haven't got there yet. I just swallow it up and seethe. It's going on for decades and it never seems that this coffee, lift, bottle of wine should be the one to merit a fallout.
It's an ongoing thing - the bill will come after she's previously offered to pay and she will excuse herself for a fag, a phonecall, the bathroom. I'll wait it out then finally call her over, she will faux innocently say "how much is my half" then already completely exasperated will throw down my half.
There are hundreds of stories and it always ends up the same way.
The odd time I've steeled myself to not allow it ends up being even more annoying as I'm constantly on guard.
One summer friends of ours threw a big bash. They often do this at the end of the summer, they have a big house by a lake in a remote part of the country. The parties are always casual; first come first served parents and kids get given priority in the form of a bedroom in the house, anyone else throws a tent up in the garden, stays in their campervan or if that doesn't work books into the local hotel and gets a taxi.
Everyone brings their own booze but it gets shared too, making cocktails etc. The hosts do a big BBQ (they are incredible cooks), everybody takes salads and there is always a whiparound the next day to make a financial contribution by way of thanks.
I had recovered from a serious illness earlier that year so the hosts asked me if I'd like to bring an airbed and set up a station in the loft away from everyone else. I was delighted and arranged to borrow my mother's as she had a really good one.
I was travelling on public transport and this all required about six hours bus time without collecting the airbed. My last one hour travel leg coincided with CF and we had arranged to travel together.
I've been travelling a few hours already when a mutual friend phones and sheepishly informs me she's sorry but there isn't enough room in the car for me only CF as they have all the kiddie things too. I'm confused as we had no arrangement but it turns out CF had negotiated a lift but not told me. No problem I was getting the bus anyway. Mutual friend then offers to collect my mum's airbed as it's on their way. I am surprised she had heard I was originally bringing an airbed and tell her that I reconsidered and have decided to book the hotel, it's really good value and I'm looking forward to a bit of metime, hotel breakfast and all that. The medication I'm on has some difficult side effects and I want the quiet room. Everyone knows about this. Mutual friend hangs up after saying she's looking forward to seeing me out and about at the party.
Bear in mind CF hadn't told me she wouldn't be at the bus or mentioned my airbed. In fact I haven't heard from her at all for a few days.
I get a text message from CF demanding to know why I'm no longer taking the airbed along as she was going to share with me and now she has nowhere to stay.
I'm stunned and ignore. Mutual friend arrives at hotel after me with her husband and child. They are staying there too. We are checking in and getting ready for the party. They explain they had to deliver CF straight to party as she was being pretty clear she intended to 'bunk in' with me seeing as I'm so rich i can throw money at hotel rooms. I haven't been able to work for almost a year at this stage.
I go to the party, the experience now a bit soured. I've taken two bottles of spirits, one to donate and one to keep. CF tries to take the donated one but I say no sorry it's a gift for the hosts. She scowls. The next five hours she then doesn't leave my side and every time I pour myself or anyone a drink she's asking can she have one too. I had about four small measures out of the bottle all day but was getting agitated that I didn't seem to be given a choice about who I offered it to.
After many hours of this I realised I wasn't even enjoying myself so I get up to leave. She tells me again she has no place to sleep, I pretend to be loudly surprised then there's a big flurry of people trying to locate a tent for her. She won't say bye to me as the accusation is implicit - I'm leaving her stranded.
A tent gets erected while I'm waiting for my taxi and bedding is produced. I find out later she slept in one of the bedrooms.
So even though I said no to everything, it was more effort than giving in and saying oh listen you can share my hotel room, they won't know.