Tell me your CF triumphs please

[Sickofcoughing]

In real life I know I am regarded as calm and assertive. In lots of way I am definitely able to speak up for myself.

However CFs get right under my skin. I am a fairly generous person, I like to treat people and it leaves me feeling good. 99% of the time any financial deficit is negligible in friendships, I certainly never notice it.

Except of course for the one I started the thread about. This friendship spans decades. She is a shameless CF. I genuinely think I love but heavily dislike her. It's exhausting being around her because I always have to be on guard for being scammed into paying for something.

I continue to do nothing about it except carry all the resentment by quietly seething. Pathetic yes, I know.

Inspired by this thread www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4687359-lift-for-5-years-aibu?utm_source=thread&utm_medium=share can you please share with me your victory stories of how you finally called out the CFs in your lives and came away feeling good about it?

There have been a few but the absolute CF action happened just recently.
DD works at a theme park around 3 hours from where I live. I was asked by someone I knew (an aquaintence rather than a friend), if I could "get in touch with (DD's name), to see if she could get us in for free as my DC's have always wanted to go there". When I replied that free passes were for family or close friends of the employee only, the reply I got was " well that's ok if you ask for you and us, you can take us there as well and she can take them "behind the scenes", they'd love that." When I said that I wouldn't do what she asked the reply I got was this " well thanks for that, now I've got to tell my kids they won't be going because of your selfishness, I hope you're happy!!!".

I love reading these stories and now that it's Christmas, there should be some fantastic cf stories around now. Keep them coming folks!

It was Christmas time and I'd gone to our local shopping centre with my DS (4 months old) and my nan in the car. The car park was rammed as you can expect, I then saw a parent & child space but an Audi TT in front proceeded to park in it, I saw red as I could see it was two ladies in the car so obviously no child (an Audi TT is a 2 seater car for anyone who doesn't know), so I got out the car, knocked on her window and said 'do you realise this is a parent and child space?' She said no - it was pretty hard not to miss it - I said well you best reverse then as I have a 4 month old in the back of my car. She did reverse (holding up a massive queue - I didn't care I was furious) and I then parked in the parent and child. I felt pretty chuffed with my victory.

Love this, what a victory 🤩

Dialect.

One of the mums from football was a entitled pain.
Coaches would be at training setting up cones and deciding a session on how many kids,do warm up go through what was happening then entittled woman would appear late every week....son running over to his group shouting pass the ball.
It was explained to her she had to bring him on time but she never did.

Even for matches she would turn up late and say cant believe they have started they could have waited....unbelievable.

Awards evening she message me,save me a seat.
I felt embarrased as everyone who came through the door looking for seats and I had to keep saying sorry saving that for someone.
(all parents had to contribute towards the buffet)
she turns up very late and empty handed and walks straight to a seat while others have been standing for ages.
She then says my son better win an award....bloody cheek.

Year later same message....save me a seat.I didnt reply and dint save her a seat.
Had a face like a smacked arse when she walked in empty handed gain and had to stand at the back giving me dirty looks lol

DH’s ex is a prize CF. I have clear boundaries, she now tells others I’m hostile.

Found a box full of her (nice, Laura Ashley) old curtains last year when clearing out the garage and offered to dispose of them for her or hang onto them a few days so she could collect them- she said she’d collect them six months later when she will be in our city for shopping for her mum’s birthday?! Various reasons why it can’t happen sooner, no room, her car is too small, doesn’t trust storage facilities, ‘you have plenty of room for them’ and then finally, furiously, apparently disposing of them would mean erasing their relationship from the house and this would distress my step kids ffs. Hope she stretches before these mental gymnastics…

If you confront them they just lie and escalate. We boxed them up and posted them regardless, she predictably complained on receipt they were damaged which is a grievance she wheels out occasionally… idgaf and neither do my step kids

Do we think CF's are born being CF's or just get away with it?

Me and DD (now 15 but then 4) made friends with a mum and her DD (CFKid) at preschool. CFKid came over for a play date and fell in love with a stunning princess dress my DD had been handed down (think high end London store, it was gorgeous). CFKid came over for the next 5 weeks, put dress on straight away and girls played 'The Princess & The Cat' (my DD wore her cat costume). A few times I heard my DD say to CFKid "I'll be the princess now and you be the cat", CFKid would reply "I don't want to play this game anymore", game would stop but CFKid would keep dress on. After a few weeks of hearing this same response from CFKid I stepped in and said "(Name) it would be nice if you could let DD be the princess now" and CFKid replied "I think I'll go home now". At the time put it down to being 4 years old and explained to my DD some kids haven't yet learned how to share equally. For the next 11 years CFKid has never changed. A Starbucks came into town just in time for their summer holidays when they were 11, DD was excited and met CFKid there, DD paid. Following week CFKid wanted to meet again, DD paid. Same the third week. McDonalds the same thing, group would meet up and my DD would end up buying CFers food, CFKid would say "I don't eat burgers", what she meant was she doesn't eat bread rolls, CFKid still ate the burger, fries and milkshake. These are just a few examples. In the last 12 months CFKid, now 15, has been incredibly CF-erish. At a party my DD arrived late with 2 bottles of WKD, while DD went off to find a bottle opener CFKid opened one with her teeth and drank it, despite my DD asking her not to drink it. So many CF and mean incidences over the 11 years they were friends. After some spectacular CF and meanness during the last 12 months the girls have parted ways. I have encouraged it, I feel at 15 my DD is learning how to be independent, experience what relationships should feel like, what she should and shouldn't accept and be able to stick up for herself when CFers are about.

What a pity you have chosen to allow your daughter to remain in such an unhealthy dynamic for so long with your approval.

Your boundaries must be very poor.

Most parents would have intervened after their daughter paying twice and spelt out clearly that this is not how things work.

Not continue to allow their daughter to pay week in week out and think that is acceptable behaviour.

People pleasing is not a virture.

Allowing your children to be taken advantage of for years is not good parenting.

All you have allowed happen is for that user child and her parents believe you are a mug, raising a mug.

CF's love People with zero boundaries, they are their bread and butter in life.

Read up in assertiveness and find a good assertiveness book for teens to help your daughter move forward.

You surely don't want these messages you have given her for years, to follow her into her adult relationships and the work place?

Good luck.

@billy1966 Thanks for the parenting advice. I'm sure your little angels are a delight. 😂

Thing is if she had just stopped the relationship her daughter wouldn't have learnt how to create her own boundaries.

@IThinkTheresBeenAGlitch Exactly. Also, I have, hopefully, taught my kids to be, primarily, inclusive. This is only a snapshot of CFKid, she does have some nice and fun qualities and sadly a wider friendship group were all caught up in the fallout (something I would never want to subject any kids to).

@TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs

That dc seems to be badly brought up imo

Glad your dd has broken free😀

Yep,I had a 'friend' like this CF when I was very young.She was a few years older than me,my mother hated her and wasn't shy about letting me know it.
It just made me all the more determined to hang around with her.

The shoes look amazing. Worth going through all this to get them back. I agree that it's highly unlikely you will get your money back but at least you and your friends and family know normt to give CF anything in the future.

I've seen a few threads in which someone has sold items that were lent to them. I can't believe anyone honestly thinks this is OK. If you don't need the item any more then you return it to the owner!

@nettie434 You're on the wrong thread. However, grateful you are because I couldn't find the follow up thread. Do you have a link?

@nettie434 I've been searching for the 2nd shie thread all day but can't find it!!!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4911023-cf-sold-my-shoes-part-2?page=2&reply=129631633 @NyanBinaryJohn here you go

@alongcameboo I don't know how that happened! One second I was looking at a picture of the restored shoes. The next I found my comment on this thread 😳😳 I am the worst person to offer an example of getting one over a CF. I am always trying to avoid conflict. If I do find the right CF Shoe Thief thread again, I'll be sure to let you know!!

Oh you have found it @alongcameboo - well done. Thanks for the alert too @NyanBinaryJohn. That thread should probably find it's way into Classics. It's an absolute prime example of shocking behaviour!

Yes, policing your offspring’s acquaintances usually ends well, doesn’t it?

Well I have just had a CF staying with me 7nights, 8 days.

This acquaintance contacted me a few weeks ago asking if me and husband would like to meet up in London as he was coming to stay in UK for a few days . We said yes, that would be nice, even though short notice.
He then contacts me saying he has flights to Edinburgh, can he home stay with us, he can zoom call his London office. My husband said yes, most unlike him.
We have to buy a folding bed, and some other items. All at short notice.
His flight gets in at 10pm. He asks about public transport to our house , which is non existent.We pick him up.
He cooks once, partly washes dishes once, pays for 2 small supermarket shops… total of £130.
He showers for 40 minutes every morning , leaves it soaking.
He has 3 phones, one laptop.
He makes an itinerary. On the plan is a walk with me every morning. He did it once. Late. 45 minutes late.
He was on the phone constantly. He had lunch then slept for hours.
He is in the Arts so we had to listen to recordings of his piano playing , or watch films he had made.
I took him sight seeing. He took selfies for his fans.
Various other things too.
I ask him where are you staying on last night.
He says I’ll stay at airport . You can take me there after an early dinner. We go for a fish tea . My husband pays. He offers to pay his share. Husband declines.
We get home. Have some tea. He shows us the motorcycling helmet and leathers he has ordered .

We take him to the airport.
Never again.
ETA it is not exactly a triumph but it will not happen again.

My greatest satisfaction in dealing with cheeky fuckers has been writing off the paltry amounts of money they have cost me. 40 quid in one case and about 120 in another case. I see it as paying them to fuck off. Job done.

Sounds like a horrifing lovely 7 night and 8 day visit... I can imagine it felt like the visit would never end...and ever so kind of him to force share his videos and piano playing on with you and your DH.. Im sure both of you were bored stiff mesmerised by his talents.🙄🤣🤣🤣🤣
Btw, was your DH upset that he'd agreed to host the CF guest?

Also, @AnneKipankitoo have you discovered anything that CF broke or destroyed whilst he was there?(other than splashing water all about during those daily 40 minute showers😡) CF 's have form for being careless with your things, whilst treating their own with kid gloves.