Tell me your CF triumphs please

[Sickofcoughing]

In real life I know I am regarded as calm and assertive. In lots of way I am definitely able to speak up for myself.

However CFs get right under my skin. I am a fairly generous person, I like to treat people and it leaves me feeling good. 99% of the time any financial deficit is negligible in friendships, I certainly never notice it.

Except of course for the one I started the thread about. This friendship spans decades. She is a shameless CF. I genuinely think I love but heavily dislike her. It's exhausting being around her because I always have to be on guard for being scammed into paying for something.

I continue to do nothing about it except carry all the resentment by quietly seething. Pathetic yes, I know.

Inspired by this thread www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4687359-lift-for-5-years-aibu?utm_source=thread&utm_medium=share can you please share with me your victory stories of how you finally called out the CFs in your lives and came away feeling good about it?

"What are your plans" you to her

"Sorry that won't work for me this time. I'll sure you'll figure something out" You to her

Keep it brief

@Tsort unless of course you would like to contribute an experience of your own as the thread specifically requested. I'm sure we would all love to hear it.

It's always easier said than done, OP. Ask me how I know!

I do remember with satisfaction one occasion with a serial CF where at a group meal, they led the way in ordering things 'for the table' without consulting most of us. They and various others ordered three courses plus alcohol, whereas others present were budgeting carefully and gab one course plus soft drink. Bill arrives and it's announced it will be split evenly. I objected and pointed out the above. It didn't go down well, but a fairer division of the bill was made after I insisted, then backed up by others. If one person speaks up it's then easier for others to join in. Could that person be you?

I also wondered how far back this 'friendship' goes and what you actually get out of it now. When you go for these meals, who suggests it, you or her? If her, what if you just said no, you don't really want to (as you always end up paying)?

I'm a 3rd gen Irish immigrant (all grandparents the Irish) in an area largely with lot of people who share the same background.

I always thought my complete confusion at some of the views on mumsnet were due to class but I wonder how much is to do with culture. You can throw a rock round here without hitting 2 Ryan's and a Murphy (probably giving away my location) so maybe it isn't just class after all.

So, you accused me of telling you to swear at a guest in someone’s home (when I did no such thing); claimed I said ‘there are no differences between Irish and U.K. people’, (when I said no such thing); and claimed I hurled insults’ at you because I said you were wet and told you to grow a backbone.

But, sure, you’re not melodramatic at all. Well done, you.

Stop tagging me in this ludicrousness.

Peppa pig world. Queueing to see peopa and George with an overtired 3 year old, crying and being a pain.

lady behind me queuing whilst her (older) children and husband are off doing whatever. She then slides herself in front of me right at the end.

i said ‘excuse me, you’re behind me’ and she gave me the filthiest look. A couple of minutes later her husband and children arrived full of smiles and she must have told him as I heard him say ‘dog eat dog innit’. I couldn’t believe the cheek.

was very pleased though when we saw the pigs and then they went off for a break so they were stuck waiting 😂

I never normally speak up but I was incredulous that you’d do that when you’re clearly pushing in, and in front of a parent and child who are at the end of their rope.

To be honest with the amount of threads that poster ruins by turning them into a series of personal attacks, I actually hope this is the thread where MNHQ finally does something.

@Tsort so we have established despite posting on every single page of this thread you are not going to contribute anything of your own? Your initial post was telling me to go first and all you can do is argue around in circles?

And really - 'stop tagging me'??? How would you like me to let people know who my reply is addressed to?

BIL knowing I had vouchers I’d won for a restaurant (not a general win, but for coming top in a work related thing) thought I’d use them to share with a family meal. They were worth £100 in total 2x £50

id already said I was treating me and DC to a fancier meal than we normally do and wouldn’t be sharing.

they (my family) tried split the bill per family meaning I’d be supplementing their lifestyle choices again. Me and 1 DC Vs each sibling, husband and 2 children.

but wise to his historic cheekyfuckery I’d already requested a separate bill just for my order from the waitress on this occasion. Who was awesome and clearly knew the cheekyfuckery afoot.

BIl had overspent assuming I’d pay with the vouchers meaning money taken off from everyone’s share. So he ‘didn’t have’ the money to cover his share. he tried to only pay for what he and his family ate. Rest of family agreed as it lowered their share significantly. BIL was rightly furious, showed himself up for the arsehole he was and he was left with a nasty big bill

that wasn’t he first time but we tried to book a big house for a family holiday. Again pay per family. I piped up that if we are paying per family and I only require one room then I’d take the master bedroom with the en-suite to get my moneys worth and they can all have two of the other double and twin rooms per family because me and DC are happy to share.
the sour look on his face was priceless.

@Tsort Give it a rest please.

I understand OP and yes , I am Irish. My sis had this problem with a friend. Would come over empty handed and suggest opening a bottle of wine. Or would bring a bottle, drink it and then request more . The old Ah Sure, open another bottle. Not a problem if infrequent but this was constant . And would suggest a weekend away - in another person's holiday home. Funniest was when the owner said she couldn't go , friend said No problem, will get the keys off you. Then whilst everyone brings food and drink , her contribution was cheese and crackers . Finally my sister had enough and said it to her . Well , tears and dramas all round . Complained to others and was met with silence and nobody said my sister was in the wrong. Very much ostracised but it was her own fault and nobody misses her.

PS . Irish weddings absolutely expected £200 per couple .

A family friend hounded me for advice incessantly about an issue. I did something that I wouldn't usually do even for close family. She didn't call to say thank you. I had to check in to ensure she had received what I went out of my way to provide. She was away for a little while but is back in London again and the incessant calls have started again. This time, I have ignored her entirely.

Neighbour woke us up on a Saturday morning at about half 6 for advice. DH went over. Whilst there, NDN complained about too many foreigners being in the UK. We are both minority ethnic groups. We keep a distance.

@Tsort give it a rest now, please.

Many many years ago I had a holiday job at a shop in West Kirby that sold home made ice cream, ice lollies, sweets, buckets and spades etc.
Thé ice cream was put on the cones with a serving spoon and there were 4 sizes. On request, we would do a cone half strawberry half vanilla. We would also round off the smallest cone with just a little ice cream at half price 'for a baby'.

Lo and behold, one very long hot Sunday afternoon, and one cf asked for a cone for a baby, then asked for it to be half and half!

Tsort might be your ‘friend’ op 🤣🤣

@HellsCominWithMe I've had similar on both sides of the coin. One of our friends had a voucher so we all went to the restaurant, she is inherently generous and when the total bill came she tried to deduct the value of the voucher and split the remainder amongst everyone including herself. The whole table nearly came to blows with her.

On the other hand I was out for dinner with my then partner and two other couples - one of them his CF brother plus wife. A right pair of Scrooges.

The bill came out, we had all eaten and drunk (well probably, mine tend to be cheaper as I'm veggie and only ever order one course but I wasn't bothered) similarly and agreed to split three ways. We calculated the tip, added it on and split the total three ways.

Our third comes out, the other couple's third comes out then ex-BIL gets the bill shoves it at the waitress saying put the remainder on my card. So basically our tips (which would have been generous) would be used to pay part of their bill and no tip left for the staff. Of course pandemonium broke out but everyone pretended he must have misunderstood to let him save face. No need, he didn't care. He calculated his portion of the tip and deducted it.

My BIL always paid the remaining balance leaving the waitress/waiter without a tip. One day I called him on it and end up with a phone call from mil saying I had embarrassed him. Thankfully we no longer go out for meals with them.

Heh?

the OP was asking for strategies I gave her mine.

it might not work for you but it works for me - I don’t engage in DARVO I just repeat our friendship has run its course we aren’t friends. No drama. Not for me.

I would be busy if she asks to meet up with you. No coffees, no meals. It is hard if she’s part of a group, but could you try speaking to another one of the group. Say you feel CF keeps taking advantage of you and you’re not sure if it’s just you or if they’ve noticed her doing it with others. Just say you’d rather avoid her if possible in the future.

Are you being a twat on purpose so OP finally ‘stands up for herself’ and tells you to fuck off…

Or is the irony lost here?

I agree with the poster who said this needs to be a group effort. I used to go out for dinner in groups regularly where some would drink and eat loads and some wouldn't. Got very used to piping up first that I thought we shouldn't split evenly this time.

In general, once the fact the behaviour is cheeky is out there they say (or pretend) it's an accident and correct.

I'm glad I read this thread though as my Irish friend is getting married and no way would I have given 200 euro!

I couldn't even be bothered to read to the end of that. Just stop going to these massive meetings? Why would you do a 6-hour journey each way after a major illness? I don't know what happened after that.

Went to an event circa 2012/2013

It was a gala dinner with a daytime event the next day;we were paying for tickets with different packages available;11 of us went;10 of us paid for the full package which included a overnight stay with breakfast on a twin room basis (it was an extra £40 for the overnight package)

The 11th member of our group refused to take out the full package dispute living an hours drive away and it was mid winter and the weather was shite,she said she was going to drive home after the gala (about 11pm) and come back for the conference the next morning (10am).

She came up to the hotel with us when we could check in at 2pm even though the pre gala drinks reception didn't start until 6.30pm,used the included spa facilities with us which she wasn't actually to allowed to as she wasn't a guest.

We assumed she was going to use the spa changing rooms to get ready but insisted on using mine and our mutual friends hotel room/bathroom to get ready because she simply couldn't get ready in the communal changing rooms.

She then started rifling through the built in wardrobe in the hotel room remarking on the spare blankets in the cupboards.

After the gala she suddenly decided she was too tired/the weather was too awful to drive home and begged to sleep on the floor in the hotel room I was in,she didn't ask me but my soft touch of a friend I was sharing with.

Then the CF disappeared to her car and came back in with pyjamas,her clothes for the next day and her toothbrush.

The next morning she decided she wanted to have breakfast with us and we said she'd have to pay as they have a guest list of who's in what room for that.

She was charged £15 for the breakfast buffet;she was furious.She sat there moaning that she if she'd paid the extra £25 on top of that she'd have had to only share a room with one other person and would have gotten a proper bed to sleep instead of a hard floor.Instant Karma.

Once took niece, nephew and god daughter to Disney land. When we were queuing up for a ride, I could tell from the body language of the woman behind that she was going to push in. Sure enough, she did just that, so just as she pushed past I landed her a swift kick on her ankle! Her expression showed that it was quite painful, I'm not usually violent though!

My husband read this thread and sent it to me. He thought I had posted it and was talking about my sister.

I don't have any of these 'ongoing CF' stories - I do have plenty of individual one-off ones of course like anyone - presumably because I just don't let it build up for this long? Dunno, just doesn't happen. Some people (including one friend of mine) seems to be a CF magnet. That's what you need to work on OP.