Be honest: Do you think single and childfree people are less than?

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

I am that person.
It suits me.
But fucking hell do I get comments, questions and often it seems like I’m treated like a second-class citizen.

Do people still today look down on single / childfree people?

Tbh I think that reflects more on a lack of imagination on your part. You know, there’s people that would look at your life and consider it a bad one, and while that would be their experience of it, doesn’t mean that it’s your experience or some unassailable truth.

I’m married and childfree, but while I don’t understand what wanting a child is like, I can appreciate that different things make different people happy, so I’m not going to feel sorry for someone who has made a different choice to me. There’s no one way to be happy or to experience life, so I’m not going to position myself as if I’m qualified to determine how anyone else should live.

People can be childfree and single but not alone. They might have family in the form of siblings, nephews, nieces etc and good friends. They might be very active in their local community or do a lot of work-related socialising. I never envisaged myself as married or with kids when I was a child, I pictured myself being famous and travelling the world! (OK, that hasn't happened either but I'm working on it)

You’re going to be judged no matter what!

I got judged for being married and settling down in my 20’s. Some of my friends get judged for being single in their 20’s.

Oh god yes. I'm questioned a lot

"Who'll look after you when youre old?"

"Dont you think its selfish?"

"Wont you be bored"?

Then the statements like

"You dont know what youre missing"

"Never say never, might happen one day"

"I just couldn't imagine and empty life without kids" 🙄

Oh do fuck off and pay attention to your child and leave me to enjoy my life.🤣

@AntsGoMarchingOneByOne I really don’t need your patronising pity.

Like others, I’ve know since I was very young that I didn’t want children. I remember not understanding why people wanted kids.

I’m also happier single. I mean, if an incredible man made himself available then, maybe but I am not prepared to compromise my happiness for anyone so it’s unlikely. I look at most of my 50 something friends husbands (those that haven’t been unfaithful…) and think ‘dear god, he is DULL’.

I had a brilliant childhood; much loved with the usual amount of messed up thrown in.

I’m not about to explain how I am fulfilled because I don't need to justify any further but please, save your pity.

My partner gets it pretty bad from his boss. Constantly patronising my partner, telling him he will change his mind, told him its going to happen one day, amd how they will all be laughing saying we told you so. 🙄

It's like hes dying for us to experience what he did.
If my partner says what we did at the weekend his boss will say "kiss goodbye to sleeping in and doing your thing, soon you will have kids and will miss all that. "

When partner repeats we will not be having kids, he gets laughed at???

I dont get laughed at. Iget asked what's wrong with me

"Dont you think its selfish?"

I've heard this a lot and been asked it too.
I really don't get why it is selfish not to have kids.
Selfish means something else to me.

Selfish means "lacking consideration for other people; chiefly concerned with one's own personal profit or pleasure".
Not having children does not mean you lack consideration for other people, nor does it mean the second part of that definition.
I do not have children. I am considerate towards other people. And my own personal "profit" or "pleasure" is not my main concern.

I can be a selfish asshole whether I have kids or not. Choosing not to have them does not make me selfish. Similarly, choosing to have kids does not make you unselfish either.

Not judged it’s your life but having come late to marriage and DC the latter has been the happiest times of my life.

I can almost picture the head tilt with the poster saying she pities us.

I always wonder what peoples lives like before they had kids if they have so much pity and negative thoughts about someone over a ‘certain age’ without them. Did you literally do nothing and have no family or interests?

i remember not understanding why people wanted kids

Yes this exactly. Have never wanted them,had no urge. It's the same as thise who have always had the urge and wanted to have children. Its definitely not that I am infertile or missed my chance ..I simply do not want children. Never have. Work with them all day. That's enough for me.

Why on earth would you think that?
It wouldn't even cross my mind to think that way!

I suppose it works both ways. I dont look at parents and pity them all the time. But there are moments I feel really sorry for them and go "thank fuck i dont have to deal with that". Different strokes for different folks

Yes this the “my life was meaningless before I had kids/I can’t imagine what my life would have been if I hadn’t had kids” brigade. Speak for yourself.

Some people seem to think there's a 'right' way to do life and they can't quite understand people who don't see it the same way.

Even if you do have a child, you can't just have one without endless questions and mindless comments because, obviously, 2 children is the correct number of children to have.

No because you are not really a minority and with the baby bust will continue to be part of an increasing number of people that are childfree. I l live I Brighton where the birth rate has fallen 27.2 % since 2010. They will have to a close a school eventually as there won't be enough children to fill the places, my DD's infant school won their fight to remain open for now but the choice you talk about is going to be so common place that 'childfree' around here is not going to be something people can't understand. I actually think DC are less toolerated because of it. My teenagers and his friends from example don't really have anywhere to go, things like the council leisure centre are astronomical. The cinemas are aimed at child free trendy couples around here. When I was a teenager in the 90s it was a cheap activity as was bowling, ice skating etc. Now these pursuits are all the domain of young adults.

Absolutely not. I value people who choose to make their own decisions rather than follow the crowd.

That said. I do think it can sometimes be easier to strike up conversation with strangers/colleagues with kids of the same age. Just as it would be with someone who has a shared hobby etc. They will have more interest in discussions around stages of development, education, parental controls on devises, family friendly holidays etc etc. Whereas if someone had no kids or kids of a different age, I would not want to bore them, talking about eg. Phonics or secondary school entrance processes.

But then again I especially enjoy social events with friends where kids are not discussed at all and conversation is less functional!

But I do feel sorry for them and believe they’re only happy because they don’t know what they’re missing

How can I miss something I don't have because I never wanted it in the first place?

I am reminded of the popular thread. I know two very popular people who seem to know masses of people. One with a child one childfree. The one who is childfree is very far from alone.

Strange, isn’t it. One poster goes as far as to say that she’s “fascinated by childfree people who have cleaners”.

I'm also single and childless and over 40. People are at best intrigued and at worse shockingly dismissive of me. I'm considered an " other". Fortunately I have a best friend in the same boat so we have our own little alternative family set up.

I don't care what people profess to say on here in terms of acceptability, trust me the majority of people are not as open minded as they like to think.

Oh god no! I generally think you're sensible and living your best life and am very envious. Through my rose tinted glasses you have a lovely spotless home, 12 hours sleep a night, do what you like when you like. Like PPs say, it never ends! There's always when you getting married, when you having children, and another, oh no don't you think you've had too many 😂

No- if anything, I'm jealous of your child free status right now!

My sister never wants children and I used to work with a woman who didn't. Beyond those two I have no idea how many other childfree people I know (if we are using childfree to mean choosing to not have children).

I know a lot of people who have told me they want/ed children but dont have them, either through not finding the right person/time or infertility.

My point is I genuinely don't make assumptions about why people don't have children. I won't lie and say I don't wonder sometimes why specific people don't have them but it's a fleeting thought without judgement and usually tinged with sympathy as I have known more people who were in that situation through circumstance rather than choice.

The two openly child free people I know in real life are perfectly normal humans who like children but don't want their own. My sister is a wonderful aunt. I have no idea why anybody would judge them for it.

@BadLad I genuinely struggle to understand how people can have so little imagination.