Be honest: Do you think single and childfree people are less than?

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

I am that person.
It suits me.
But fucking hell do I get comments, questions and often it seems like I’m treated like a second-class citizen.

Do people still today look down on single / childfree people?

I don’t. Quite the opposite impact. Maybe because the ones I know in this position are confident, strong & have high self worth, that’s my experience anyway & I like these sorts of people.

No 100% not.

I had my children later in life and only two people ever mentioned it to me and asked questions eg why don’t you have children, it’s so wonderful etc.

I have plenty of childless friends (most retired now) and they are all very happy.

No. Not at all.

I’m not in the habit of ‘looking down’ on anyone, I mean I was child free at one point and I am now single. Some people have difficulties in not broadcasting their stupidity.

Every permutation of a woman's choices that falls outside the prescribed picture is under scrutiny. It's not just you. Single, child free in a couple, single with children, one child families, more than two families, blended families. I mean yeah, the narrative and the questions change but it's all different shades of the same shit.

Seriously? No. On the contrary, I'm mostly jealous that they actually thought through the implications of having children.

Not at all. I feel sorry for specific people who are not single and/or child free by choice but that’s based on a knowledge of their own feelings.

You're not quite safe enough for dinner parties etc. No one says it, but it's how things are.

I would completely agree that some people have this attitude and it fucking sucks. I noticed it when I separated from my partner, suddenly some people dropped me. Others didn't - they're the ones I'm still friends with.

I briefly (but not briefly enough) used to be in a social circle where Marriage Was Everything. The girls were as tedious as fuck so I made the mistake of talking to some of the chaps about sport, just to relieve the boredom. The looks I got for talking to their husbands! A single woman was on the loose; I might steal one of their husbands and then THEY would - horrors! - be single again!

Anyone who treats me as lesser or - worse - the social equivalent of a hand grenade with a loose pin, is not someone worthy of my time.

I'm child free by choice, find it weird when people question it so I ask them equally probing questions (I don't care about the answer, just want them to realise how off they're being by turning the tables).

The thing that winds me up is when you hear of people saying 'as a parent I care about issue x,y or z'. Child free people are also able to show empathy!! We call this doing an Andrea Leadsom in our house, she was banging on with her 'as a mother I'd make a better PM' when she was up against Theresa May.

No, not less than. People’s lives and choices are their concern.

But I do think it’s patronising for mothers to say the opposite, the “oh I’m so jealous you get to sleep ha ha”. Having children was my choice and I’m happy with my choice. There are aspects of child free life which are “preferable” to life with children (disposable income, freedom re nights out and holidays and yes, sleep). But I wanted children and actively chose to forego these things.

No I do not think this
it’s is an outdated view that many still hold though
in time, views will shift. Decades ago, childless women were considered not just less than, but positively strange. We are moving on - it will take time though. I think people who are 20ish now, many more of them will be making this choice

No I don't think less than at all. The older I get the more I realise it may be by choice!

I've been childfree by choice up until age 34, and I've been a happy mother since 35, now 41.

I can tell you that for me and I would bet my left leg for most if not all - seeing the other situation as less than comes from yourself trying to justify your own choices.

Otherwise why would you spend the cognitive energy? You'd be spending it enjoying your own situation.

No, genuinely and absolutely NOT! It's a different lifestyle and one which my single childfree friends make look very attractive to be honest! I often think they must look at the chaos and stress in my life and think "thank god that's not me!"

I can’t imagine looking down on someone for those reasons.

No, I don't. But I find it a little annoying when people who have chosen not to have children (as opposed to people who can't) keep asking if they're less than or complaining that they're treated like second class citizens. If they don't want to have children, why don't they just get on with it and enjoy their life? Why do they need me to hold their hand every time some well-meaning person upsets them by saying they'll change their mind? I know this is really unsympathetic of me, but I'm a grumpy, tired parent 😂

Less than what?

To be honest I think this. Social interaction is not objective, we all pick up on and view even the same situation in different ways, depending on our beliefs and circumstances. I think our mental health and self belief influences what we pick up on, and this in turn makes us view the world in a certain light. No one way is objectively correct.
Therefore, in the same way that you tend to spot pregnant women all around you when pregnant or trying to conceive, you really don't notice as many at other times in your life. It doesn't mean that the numbers change, just your ability to see them.
Obviously there will be some people who have negative opinions on childless women, but I think that if you are in that circumstance through choice, those comments won't stand out as much as if the circumstances are not by choice.

No. Actually sometimes I respect them for going against the 'expected' .

Only sometimes? Do you feel different.y about them the rest of the time?

No

I think the world might be a nicer place to live if we judged ourselves/each other according to our attitude/behaviour towards ourselves/each other and not our circumstances.

I'm not without my kids , my youngest DC asked me yesterday what was the worst and best thing that's happened to me in my life so far I said the best thing was them! They were like huh? Lol
The point I'm trying to make is f everyone who thinks otherwise you are making your choices. Again I'm not saying I regret it but I do explain the message loud and clear that life isn't the same pre kids as post kids and marriage it AINT ALL THAT!!!! So good for you and keep going as you are make yourself happy not anyone else. It's not looked down upon I think it's amazing to be honest you are living your life not relying on anyone. We are trying to organise so many outings for Christmas and birthdays but we can't no babysitters! Be babysitter free OP!!!!

No. I don’t think that.

No, but some people do, for sure. I am childless by choice and that has drawn some odd remarks over the years.