Be honest: Do you think single and childfree people are less than?

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

I am that person.
It suits me.
But fucking hell do I get comments, questions and often it seems like I’m treated like a second-class citizen.

Do people still today look down on single / childfree people?

OP people treat mothers like shit sometimes too, I remember particularly the first couple of years of having my first, it was like I was invisible and an annoyance to a lot of people, lots of unasked for judges comments about use of dummy/no dummy/pouches/no pouches/sling/no sling/cartoon time/no cartoon time/baby too big/on and on and on. People can be assholes and they'll just use whatever ammo they can, so for you it might be being child free and for women with little kids it could be slagging them off for some parenting approach or other. Sadly we all get it.

No. Get nicer friends

I think ‘you lucky bastard’

I've been a great mum, putting the kids at the centre of my universe.
My friend, same age, background, qualifications hasn't had children.
She's poured a huge amount of emotional energy into her career, she's just the sort of mental health nurse you'd want to see when you are broken.

We both still love niche films, kraut rock and reading.

I know I adore my friend, I'm very proud of her, occasionally jealous because she gets to see things because of geography & commitments I don't. And I sometimes do stuff that I know if she wasn't on shift she'd love.

She's not better or less, she's different but the same!

No I really don’t

Could you elaborate, I’m not quite with you.

No not at all.

If anything I'm sometimes slightly jealous of people like you! Don't get me wrong I love my DH & DD but can't help but sometimes wonder if I'd be happier in your shoes

Grass isn't always greener my love

I didn't have my son until I was 35, I don't remember anyone asking me when I was having children or why I didn't have them. It's not the first thing I ask anyone either. I don't care about anyone's life choices, and I wouldn't expect anyone to waste their thoughts on mine.

Not at ALL!

Not having children doesn't lessen a person in any way. That's mad talk!

People who are child free are not a homogenous group. I don't think comments like "I think they are so sensible/smart/lucky", "I am jealous" are particularly helpful.

As a PP said, almost all of us have things that society uses as sticks to beat us over the head, I doesn't really matter who you are or what choices you have made.

Ultimately, I will never truly understand the experience of not having children and someone who does not have children will not truly understand the experience of having children but at an individual level, part of feeling connected to another person is trying to understand that experience without judgement.

Nope but i certainly judge those who have more children than they can afford in terms of money, time, love, affection etc. Harshly.

People? For the vast majority, no
Society at large? Absolutely yes. We’re penalised financially and largely overlooked when it comes to government policy .

No not at all!
I have however struggled with some friends who fail to realise that I can't now drop everything in a heartbeat, that arranging a night out is a logistical and military operation for bf baby and can't be done 2 days in advance or why I can't meet at bedtime.

I have lost a few friends one told me I think the world revolves around me because I couldn't go away on holiday with her for a week!

Gosh no - I’m rather envious!

How old were you though? Because your statement suggests you do now have a partner/kids.

I didn't noticed it when I was in my 20s because lots of other people were also single and childfree. When you get older and are suddenly the odd one out is when people start judging!

That's like saying "I never noticed my friends judging me for not owning my own house when I was 25..."

I agree that many people do, even if they won't admit it or don't even realise it and just subconsciously give off those signals.

Maybe 'less than' isn't quite the right phrase, but I've found people do give off that vibe of there being something slightly wrong with me, or feeling slightly superior or treating me in a more patronising/young way. Or often, just not including me - doing evening things with other couples, even though there's nothing 'couplish' about the activities, whether it's a walk round the national trust property looking at christmas lights, or going for dinner or to the theatre or whatever. They save me for the 'daytime' activities like a quick coffee or whatever so that they can keep the evenings or weekends free to do things with other couples. And it's that sort of feeling 'less than' that bothers me.

I think this is true. Not when you are young as this is seen as normal. There is still time to settle down and have kids. Its why married people with children like me can say honestly we have been single and childfree and never experienced this. But I see it in how people treat middle-aged and older women who are single and child-free.

You’re hanging out with the wrong people..?

Not at all. It's just not what I would choose for myself...like having short hair, or being a welder, or having a dog.

Thee child free threads always turn into a shit show no matter what. Yes, I do feel less than because it’s still a stigma. And I’m no martyr victim etc it’s just what I’ve noticed in my life with no kids.

To add to my post, people (women mainly sorry) think it’s their mission to find out what’s ‘wrong’ with me and they won’t let it go until they find out. I guess it’s a need to put me in a box to make me less dangerous/weird.

Absolutely not - I remember a point where I was thinking I would probably not get married/have kids, and I was excited about what I would do with my life, professionally and personally, where I would go, how I could contribute to society in general.

Life turned out differently for me, but I often think back to that period and those plans - and I know that my life would have been just as worthwhile & full had they become reality.

And I look at people who are childfree now no differently to anyone else. Some I know are brilliant people, with lives full of connection & love of all types, and some are not so happy - so exactly like any group of parents

I agree those saying they are jealous are not being truthful. If they were you could leave your partner and become single yourself. And you would not have had kids, or certainly not more than one.

Ex single/ childfree person here ( til mid 30s).
I internalised the 'less than' thing but looking back it was all in my head, felt rejected by relationships etc.

Are you sure you are not doing similar?

Life's never easy, but it's a lot easier when you stop giving a crap what others think of you.

Do not let these comments or people trigger a response in you! Easier said than done I know.

You are worthy and you matter. I'd look into WHY these comments get to you, other than they're just plain nasty.

I say this as a Mum to 3. Trust me, you are valued. Believe and own that.