Be honest: Do you think single and childfree people are less than?

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

I am that person.
It suits me.
But fucking hell do I get comments, questions and often it seems like I’m treated like a second-class citizen.

Do people still today look down on single / childfree people?

I don't think you are less than. If that is your choice, then I respect you for not capitulating to others' ideas of what you should he doing.

I have one child and the number of folks who banged on about me having another 🙄. They don't now, because I had to tell a few of them nicely to back the fuck up.

Just do you OP.

No not at all

I really dont care- also women with kids feel this way- its just that we all feel victimised at some point.

If they don't want to have children, why don't they just get on with it and enjoy their life?

Because the endless drip-drip-drip of comments from "well meaning people" () is fucking exhausting when it's over and over again for years.

"Well meaning" questions about why you don't have children when you say no, you don't have them. "Well meaning" questions about what you do with your life, or who will look after you when you're old. "Well-meaning" comments that you don't know love until you've had a child. "Well-meaning" insinuations that you haven't "stepped up" in life and you're enjoying a life of profligate luxury having left others to do the social heavy lifting. "Well-meaning" expectations that you'll be at your parent-friends beck-and-call because, after all, you don't do anything with your life, do you? And the shitty cherry on the pissy parenting cake which is the "well-meaning" assertion that you'll change your mind.

Not every child-free person experiences this, and not every parent is thoughtless enough to make these comments, but enough do for it to be extremely irritating and - sometimes - hurtful and upsetting. So yeah, I can absolutely see how people (me included, on occasions) get ground down by it and wish those making the comments would think before opening their mouths.

No. Because quite frankly I don't care what other people do with their lives as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. I find it odd that this is even an issue.

Absolutely not (I am single but not child free).

I don't believe people are envious of people who are single and/or childless, at all. I think they are pleased not to be in that position, and the comments sort of reassure them that they are in a better position.

I think they're bloody genius. Two couples in my closest friend group don't have children by choice and they're having a great time.

I think there are things that can't be understood until you've lived them - birthing a child etc but that doesn't mean anyone has to be a pious twat about having done it.

I've never climbed Mount Everest, I've no intention of doing so and I'm just dandy as I am.

I think the way the world is and issues we face more people just don’t have the energy to care about whether others have children plus all else going on.

Plus climate change is swinging away from huge family equals great imo

Yes, I do.

(I don't really, but ask a silly question get a silly answer.)

I don't think that but have experienced a lot of people who do. I spent a lot of my younger days single because I was far happier single than in a relationship with someone who wasn't right for me. A lot of my friends, family and colleagues seemed uncomfortable with this and they were constantly trying to set me up with totally unsuitable men and/or give me advice on how to change myself to attract a man. I even had a senior manager at work (when I was in quite a junior position) who constantly talked to other team members about this and tried to encourage them to introduce me to all their partners' friends. I also had to sit on the singles table at the office Christmas party with people I barely knew whereas everyone who brought a partner was seated with their work team. A couple of people that I had classed as close friends started having dinner parties/gatherings at home instead of going out once they were in serious relationships and actually told me that they wouldn't be able to invite me as it was 'a couples' thing' and that I'd understand (and be welcome to join them) when I found a partner. At one point I did actually get in to a relationship that was with the benefit of hindsight never right for me just to avoid feeling like such an outcast. I put up with being treated pretty badly for a while and I know that if I'd felt more accepted as a fully functioning yet single adult I would have left a long time before I did.
I did find the right partner and now have children but I haven't forgotten how I was made to feel when I was single.

No not at all and this is coming from a woman who has been desperately trying to conceive for 5 years and has finally made it to the third trimester for the first time.

I don’t judge my friends and women generally, for their ability to procreate. I don’t expect that my having a child adds anything to my list of achievements, my career and service as a volunteer to charities are my achievements.

I did used to get some shitty shitty comments when I was child free though about how I didn’t know fully what is to be a woman etc, and these comments have now morphed into judgment about only having one child (physically can’t have another), choosing a c section. I think we all get shit comments no matter what. I’m now realising this and trying to evict people who make these comments out of my life and ignore those I can’t get rid of.

No I don’t.

I was having a conversation about this with a friend about this. We wondered if because children are part of lives in such a big way that it might seem like we do? I make a point to not talk about my child all the time or I would only talk about him and probably I am boring. I however never ask if someone wants kids or why they didn’t have them. That’s none of my business. I do find that talking about my child and husband has more interest than my hobbies!

No. I am jealous of them.

I was childless until 40 and never actually thought about it in those terms - I was just being me. I can’t say even having a child now that I use that as a primary definition for either myself or other people. I know a couple of women who happen to be single and child free (not by choice ) but it’s the least interesting thing about them. I don’t think the entire world is actually that interested in what other people choose to do and if you feel that you either need a better class of friend or relax a little bit about it. I suspect you’re probably seeing criticism where there is none.

I should add I do ask people about themselves! Those are just the things I talk about about myself.

I am single and childfree. There seemed to be a lot of unsolicited comments on this when I was in my 30s.

When I hit 40, this seemed to change. At 46, I get people who are quite jealous and a lot of comments about looking young and having free time to do as I please.

I did opt out of some social things because some people went on about it.

I think the reality is that most parents don't view those who are childfree as lesser but often as different than them. The old saying 'birds of a feather flock together' is definitely true when it comes to parents as children (especially young children)often make up such a significant part of someone's life that it is just easier to find common ground with people going through a similar experience. I've bonded with other parents over breastfeeding, weaning, (lack of!!) sleep etc. All of this would undoubtedly bore any childfree people, in the same way that I feel a bit alienated by talk of fancy holidays, long lie ins and long boozy lunches.

Even as kids get older and become adults, I notice my parents spend a lot of time talking to their friends about what their children and grandchildren are up to. Obviously it's not the sole topic of conversation, but the shared commonality of children does act as a bit of a social lubricant and probably make it easier to maintain friendships.

Oh and people saying it's not a criticism - i have had snidey "oh, I didn't think of you as selfish" on top of all the "you'll regret it when you're older".

No I think it’s sensible not to have children. It’s probably just that women with children know what it’s like to be single and we know what it’s like to have children. So we know that you can’t understand what it’s like to have children. I’m talking about the constant worry, the lack of freedom and the exhaustion. It’s nice to have people to share the torment with!

I am treated differently if I’m out with my son but I’m also treated very differently if I’m out with my dogs. If I’m on my own I feel like I barely exist to other people but when I’m with the dogs people smile and talk to me.

@KimberleyClark no? Sometimes it's not been a choice

I don't. I'm childfree but married but envy aspects of single life. My DH likes things at the same time each day. Coffee at 11, lunch 12.30, cup of tea at 4.00, supper at 7.00. He does his fair share but I would get so much more done with flexibility!

No, of course not. I know women who would have liked to have got married and had children, but it didn't/hasn't happened for them, and I feel sad that things haven't turned out as they had wished, because I care about them.

However, I'm also aware that some people have actively chosen to live a single and/or child free life and they are happy and prefer it that way, and that's great!

I absolutely don't. But as most of my closest friends are single and childless, I do notice they simply don't 'get' that your time isn't your own.

Especially when SEN DS was tiny, they just didn't see why I couldn't 'get a sitter' (no one could feed him, give him complex medication or get him to sleep except me, and I had the mother of all struggles to do this every night.) They didn't get that I couldn't bring him along, or get him to wait an hour while we found a nice pub for lunch etc etc. Having to put the needs of a tiny, irrational, helpless, demanding person before your own 24/7/365 for years changes you in a way you can't explain to people who've never had to do it. I had NO idea before I had DC, late in life.

No - our choices are half chance

No.

To be fair, I think most of us feel judged and looked down on whether we are single, divorced, married, working parents, stay at home parents, ...we all have labels and depending on POV they are negative, neutral or positive ones.

It is what it is. :)