Be honest: Do you think single and childfree people are less than?

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

I am that person.
It suits me.
But fucking hell do I get comments, questions and often it seems like I’m treated like a second-class citizen.

Do people still today look down on single / childfree people?

@Heartonmysleevee my comment about adoptive mothers was in response to your comment 'Imagine the look on people's faces... if you were to say I'm a Mother but you have never even given birth.'

Yes and mine was just about the child free even if you plan to have kids 10 years down the line you are still child free.

There's a lot of defensivness here like I said I wasn't thinking that deeply into Adoptive mothers I was just meaning if you don't have a kid at present you are child free.

@Heartonmysleevee read our conversations through again, someone above said if you plan on having kids then you aren't child free, I replied saying that's silly, if you don't have kids then you are child free, you then replied to me saying 'Its not about that. You need to use the correct term you either have children or you don't you can't go around lying and misleading people. Imagine the look on people's faces... if you were to say I'm a Mother but you have never even given birth. Most bizarre 😳'

Perhaps you replied to the wrong person?

I thought childfree meant choosing not to have kids ever.

Agree, I thought this was the difference between childless and childfree.

You can also be pre children.

Sincerely, a childfree by choice woman.

Childfree is obviously any woman who does not have kids. But it does tend in practice to only be applied to women who say they never want kids, or when it is clear a couple are not going to have kids. No one talks about 18 year old woman as childfree woman.

You can want kids and plan for them but you can’t guarantee you’re going to have them so I don’t think you can be pre children.

Well there’s a certain theme to this thread 🤣👀

I don’t look down on childless people but I do feel sorry for them as they’ve missed oht on so much. Bit like I feel sorry for people who’ve never left England, or never tasted chocolate, or never had sex.

True. Plus it doesn’t sit well with me I wasn’t just in a pre child state. I was childfree at that time

For the poster saying she had more money... well all I will say is my part time wage is around £800 and my UC is £650 plus CB £80 a month. I mean even if you live a life of poverty it's different with a child. There's so many stresses parenthood may bring.

When I was truly in poverty, my wage was £900. I was doing full time study alongside almost full time work. No entitlement to any benefits, because I was single and didn’t have any dependants. This is why people are annoyed with your view that out of all the impoverished, parents are the worst off.

And that would be considered childless, wouldn't it. Not childfree

At what point do you transfer from childless to child free? Menopause?

If you say you are free of something that definitely implies to me that it’s something you don’t have and don’t want and are being emphatic about the fact that you don’t want it.

Single people can be much worse off than parents. Can you imagine living on £73 weekly UC, or £90 statutory sick pay?

If you say you are free of something that definitely implies to me that it’s something you don’t have and don’t want and are being emphatic about the fact that you don’t want it.

But you might be emphatic that you don’t want children until a certain age. Before you reach that age are you child free or childless?

Same here. And all my time off for mum was unpaid, even as my peer at work was simultaneously enjoying her third paid maternity leave.

If a person who classes themselves as childfree then has a child, they can say they were previously childfree but changed their mind, or were previously childless.

If a person knows that they do not want kids (I’ve known since I was a teenager) then they can call themselves childfree.

If a person wants kids but cannot have them, they can call themselves childless as a way of indicating that the topic might be sensitive for them.

I myself am infertile and childfree - becoming infertile didn’t change my status from childfree to childless.

It can be a tricky area as many use childfree and childless interchangeably but the above is how I understand it.

I think it goes with who wants to say the phrase. I’d use childfree for my twenties as I wasn’t yearning for them then

HerMajestysRoyalCoven
same for me, you summed it up really well. I'd only add there may be some who want and cannot have children but prefer childfree. Like you say, tricky and interchangeable so in my view it should really be whatever the person being referred to is most comfortable using.

I’m currently on reduced hours due to burnout (ironically incurred through covering parent colleagues during the pandemic) and trauma. I’m constantly being badgered about when I’m going to increase my hours, reminded that the business takes priority etc.

My parent colleagues had their time made up for free for 2 years, no questions asked. Many of them have had multiple 1 year maternity leaves, on generous provision.

But a sick person? So selfish to the needs of the business. :(

I didn’t plan on having kids until shortly before I had mine and I never assumed it would work out if I decided I did but I wouldn’t have used either of those terms personally because I think childless sounds a bit bleak like you should have them or want them but don’t and as I said child free says to me you don’t want them and to have them would be undesirable or burdensome. I think they are both very heavy labels and I never thought of labelling myself one way or another. If asked I just said I don’t have kids. But I think the key thing is I had my dd when I was 33 and so it just hadn’t come up very much. It’s an individual choice how you want to refer to yourself I suppose.

I don’t look down on childless people but I do feel sorry for them as they’ve missed oht on so much

I haven't missed a thing, thanks, and your pity isn't required. Explain to me how I can be 'missing' something I've never wanted?

Sounds like harassment or bullying to me.

Yes, good point! It can be a way of reframing the narrative.