I think this is really interesting and in a hundred years this mindset (hopefully) will be gone. I do think this mindset currently differs between what social circles you’re in. I’m in my late twenties and nobody in my core friendship groups have started having kids yet (but we’re all skint either trying to get onto the property ladder/just got our first mortgages/still working on careers etc). We’re all getting pressure from grandparents/parents but I think it’s only our singletons in my circle take offence to these comments as I did before I was in a LTR.
My neighbours are in their late 40s without kids. They have a great relationship, lots of holidays/hobbies, really in love with each other, really lovely people and madly in love with their dog. I have wondered if they’re childless by choice or if it was infertility just because I hope they’ve not gone through the pain of infertility as they’re such lovely people.
Why I find this mindset most interesting is because there’s quite a lot of adults who shouldn’t have kids. I know people who hate kids and go on to have kids just because it’s the done thing. While they love their kids (I’ve never heard someone say they don’t love their kids but that’s because that’s pretty socially unacceptable) they don’t particularly like them. I have a lot of respect for adults who are honest enough and have thought about having kids and decide it’s not for them.
I have a family member (I lived with her for quite a few months so I know the behind the scenes) who hates kids, had kids because she didn’t want to miss out/regret not having them so found the first guy who would go along with it and is now a pretty shitty mum just meeting the basic needs of the kids. She had a great life beforehand, top career, loved travelling and very materialistic. She honestly hates spending time with her kids, she’s never baked/cooked/arts and crafts with them, she’s never played a game with them, she only goes on holiday once a year now but never with the kids (she needs a break apparently), she works away quite a few nights of the week and has one day to herself at the weekend to unwind. She hates that the kids are messy (kids can’t colour in the house incase it damages the furniture), she hates that she doesn’t get a moment peace, she hates the company of children, she hates how she doesn’t live her normal life as the kids are expensive. I was pretty shocked when I found out that she was planning on having a baby but everyone said it would be the making of her. Her life beforehand wasn’t selfish, she worked and played hard.
I don’t particularly like dogs, I know a lot of people who love having dogs and understand the pros. I know even if I wanted a dog I don’t have the lifestyle for a dog nor want to give up my lifestyle to be a responsible dog owner. I could possibly hire a dog Walker during the day and I’d probably meet the minimum requirements to require a dog. Overtime I’d probably fall in love with the dog and I know sometimes I’d enjoy walking it. I have a happy life and like my current lifestyle therefore I don’t feel the need to get a dog. But most importantly I don’t want one and I’d probably not be the greatest dog owner in the world as I don’t really like them.
I never judge people who are childfree. I judge people who choose to have kids who wouldn’t even meet the minimum requirements to rescue a dog. Children aren’t therapy tools nor accessories.
Hopefully sooner than later it will become the social norm for people to be childfree. Society would greatly improve for starters. Same for people who are in unhappy relationships just because they think it’s better than being single.
just remember OP, everyone is judged in this world, some for not having kids, some for having too many kids, some for not having careers, some for being young, some for being too old, some for not being financially independent… if you’re happy so should everyone around you.