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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents I’ve never met have gone out and left their child here?

341 replies

RosesAndUnicorns · 28/11/2022 19:55

Well not even ‘here’ but on the street really

DD11 went out with her friends earlier and came back with one of them who lives two streets over to play in her room
Fine, happens all the time
A few minutes ago I said to this child that one of us would walk her some soon as we had to do homework, showers etc ready for tomorrow, to which she said ‘oh my mum & dad won’t be home till 9:45 I can’t get in till then’
So she has to stay here until DDs usual bedtime because her parents aren’t in!

AIBU to be totally shocked! If this girl hadn’t come into my house to play I’d have called DD in and she would’ve been out on the street alone until 9:45!

I haven’t said to her that she has to leave or anything because honestly, something similar happened to me once as a child and the parents of my friend made it very clear they were furious and I felt so awkward and unwanted, so I’ve made them a hot chocolate and put Netflix on for them
But I am a little bit furious! This is not my child to be responsible for like this!

OP posts:
Maireas · 28/11/2022 20:50

No need to be confrontational or angry, just ring and ask them to collect her.

Coffeetree · 28/11/2022 20:50

RosesAndUnicorns · 28/11/2022 20:00

She seemed to know they weren’t home and when I said we would walk her soon she text them and they said they wouldn’t be back until 9:45, I didn’t ask where they were tbh, I was so surprised!

Could you borrow her phone and ring the parent to introduce yourself and ask them if everything is okay?

Would have the added benefit of rumbling her, if she's fibbing.

echt · 28/11/2022 20:50

Is this going to be one of those threads where the OP resolutely ignores the the most obvious course of action, in this case to call the parents.

Sadbeigechildren · 28/11/2022 20:52

I would make it clear that you'll contact SS if you find her unsupervised in the evening again.

RedHelenB · 28/11/2022 20:52

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 28/11/2022 20:38

I can’t understand why you’ve not asked for her parent’s number and just called them.

This.

squidgybits · 28/11/2022 20:52

I would not grass anybody , BUT if they come back and are inebriated , I would be calling social services
I was left by myself on a cold wintery rainy day , mum was out
I felt abandoned, when she returned I got a clip round the ear for moaning
2 hours shivering in a doorway alone, not knowing if she was coming back at all age 7 , still haunts me now
Sounds like the kid is not high on their list of priorities
Thank god you are the kind person you are! X

rumbypumby · 28/11/2022 20:53

RosesAndUnicorns · 28/11/2022 20:47

Ok I’ve spoken to the girl again now my younger kids are asleep

She doesn’t know me very well so was a bit awkward and one wording me really, but I gathered; they were in when she went out playing in the street, they rang her and said they needed to nip out and was she ok (she was still on the street at this point) she said she was ok, then she didn’t speak to them again until she text and said ‘are you home I’m coming home’ they said no, they’d be home around 9:45, I said what would you have done if you weren’t in here and she said she’d have just waited in the garden
I got the impression it’s not out of the ordinary for her

I won’t be speaking to the parents to tell them off, if she does have a bit of an unpredictable home life I’d like to leave the door open for her to feel safe here and not have the parents hate me so she isn’t allowed, she’s safe and warm here for now and I’ll be speaking to someone at school tomorrow

You sound lovely OP.

Kids of your own, chaos of bedtime and still have time for this young girl who is clearly used to being left to fend for herself.

My advice would be yes, if the girls are good friends then encourage a safe space but don't be taken for a ride.

cansu · 28/11/2022 20:53

By the way I agree with a previous poster. Children's services will not take any action or be at all interested in this. The child is at a friend's house. The parents know this. The fact that they haven't asked you if that's OK makes them very different parents to you but will not approach any threshold for intervention. Many people on mumsnet have a completely inaccurate view of what the authorities will be interested in. That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't report but don't hold your breath for anyone to take any action.

Dixiechickonhols · 28/11/2022 20:53

I’d still ring the parents now. It’s Katie’s mum. Daisy is here. I was dropping her off but she says you aren’t in and she’s not got a key. See what they say. If not they can easily say she was fibbing/mistaken - no mum was out but dad was in what are you like Daisy.

X2Kids · 28/11/2022 20:53

OP I think you have 2 choices here. Either ring parents, see what's going on and tell them to pick their DD up.

Or

Leave it, report to social care tomorrow. I'd miss out school, they can't really do anything apart from direct you to report your concerns to social care.

TinyChancer · 28/11/2022 20:54

Could she have been lying to her parents that you said she could stay? DD had a friend who did that once. Get their number off the child and say you are not able to look after her past x time and you are concerned for her wellbeing if there is no one to go home to.

Newuser82 · 28/11/2022 20:56

Poor girl. Glad she has somewhere safe and warm to be. It's freezing tonight.

7upandup · 28/11/2022 20:57

I don't get why you can't call the parents. It's totally unreasonable and actually awful what they have done!? Both of them not home on a week day night at that time? I don't understand that.
I hate confrontation but I would be telling them to pick up their child!
It's one thing saying the girl can use your house as a safe space but the parents will know you dobbed them into social services.
If you are going to report it, going directly to social services would be better because the school will only do that anyway.

Spiderboy · 28/11/2022 20:57

I am a bit baffled at all the assumptions you’ve made based on one word answers from an 11 year old. It’s so easy to just call isn’t it?

Maybe it’s just where I live but 11 year olds around here at every brave faced and would spout anything to get their way 😆

CourtneeLuv · 28/11/2022 20:57

RosesAndUnicorns · 28/11/2022 20:12

They’re in year 7, no I haven’t met the parents and before today I’ve only ever met the girl when she’s been knocking on for DD

I can’t go round or anything like that, I have 3 other DC here and am in the middle of bedtime, I was going to send my 14 year old and his friend to walk her home earlier as it’s dark, DH will be home by 9:45 though and can walk her home then and scope out the parents a little bit

I will definitely be ringing school tomorrow to raise up a concern

Don't send your dh on his own with her. You take her. You never know what they might say about him. They obviously aren't right.

Starrylight · 28/11/2022 20:57

You don't have to tell them off. But you should cover your own back by ringing them and asking if it's okay that she waits at yours? For all you know they're sat in the house and she's told them a totally different version of events

RiceRiceBaby16 · 28/11/2022 20:57

I’d ask her to tell the parents to pick her up rather than you walking her. Then they might realise someone else had to take her in because of her neglect and face you at your door

mindutopia · 28/11/2022 20:58

Definitely send a message to her parents. I would be absolutely panicked if I didn’t know where my child was or with who at this hour.

And are you sure she can’t let herself in? I know times have changed but I was doing overnights alone at 11 when my mum needed to go on work trips, and it wasn’t unusual for me to be on my own in the early evening as she was still at work.

mindutopia · 28/11/2022 20:59

And yes, ask her parents to collect her.

Dixiechickonhols · 28/11/2022 20:59

They should pick her up not you out in cold and dark so you need to speak to them.

Managinggenzoclock · 28/11/2022 21:00

I think you’re overreacting. She probably told her parents she was invited round to her friends and they went out, not realising it wasn’t a formal invitation or the time you expected her home. 9.45 isn’t midnight.

Sunsetintheeast · 28/11/2022 21:01

Managinggenzoclock · 28/11/2022 21:00

I think you’re overreacting. She probably told her parents she was invited round to her friends and they went out, not realising it wasn’t a formal invitation or the time you expected her home. 9.45 isn’t midnight.

Really. Do you have any idea how many kids are thoroughly neglected in the country. The OP is very rightly concerned.

NewNovember · 28/11/2022 21:01

DH will be home by 9:45 though and can walk her home do not do this op you walk her home.

Wiluli · 28/11/2022 21:03

I would go and see what is happening . Is it possible she told her parents you invited her for dinner and they ended up assuming she could stay longer and used the fee time for shopping or doing errands ? Not saying it’s ok but at least there would be logic to it .

EarringsandLipstick · 28/11/2022 21:04

I agree with others - contact the parents. I can't believe you'll raise a concern with the school.

I'm not saying it's right, and you sound lovely; but this could fall under daft unthinking behaviour from a parent. You call & say it to them directly, hopefully they'll realise it's not ok.

I know on MN, it's always about reporting. It's quite different where I live (not UK) & even if some parents might do something a bit strange, they would be broadly good, well-meaning parents & a call would sort it.