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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents I’ve never met have gone out and left their child here?

341 replies

RosesAndUnicorns · 28/11/2022 19:55

Well not even ‘here’ but on the street really

DD11 went out with her friends earlier and came back with one of them who lives two streets over to play in her room
Fine, happens all the time
A few minutes ago I said to this child that one of us would walk her some soon as we had to do homework, showers etc ready for tomorrow, to which she said ‘oh my mum & dad won’t be home till 9:45 I can’t get in till then’
So she has to stay here until DDs usual bedtime because her parents aren’t in!

AIBU to be totally shocked! If this girl hadn’t come into my house to play I’d have called DD in and she would’ve been out on the street alone until 9:45!

I haven’t said to her that she has to leave or anything because honestly, something similar happened to me once as a child and the parents of my friend made it very clear they were furious and I felt so awkward and unwanted, so I’ve made them a hot chocolate and put Netflix on for them
But I am a little bit furious! This is not my child to be responsible for like this!

OP posts:
PeekAtYou · 30/11/2022 12:04

I would assume that she went out without a key rather than her parents expected you to look after her until they got home. If she doesn't have a house key then I would have gently mentioned to the parents that it might be time for one.

cookiesbeforepookies · 30/11/2022 12:12

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 30/11/2022 11:55

If I was the OP and saw all this nasty speculation about why I hadn’t provided an update, I’d stay offline. It might be frustrating for some but she doesn’t owe us anything and it’s pointless - and probably quite hurtful - to speculate on the reasons for her absence.

@CynthiaRothrock, I think what you do is heartwarming. You sound like a lovely person.

Eh? 97% of people told her she is not being unreasonable.

It's clear she got the drama she wanted and ran off.

amyds2104 · 30/11/2022 12:18

Please report to social services

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 30/11/2022 12:20

@cookiesbeforepookies

Do you talk like this to people irl? So unpleasant.

cookiesbeforepookies · 30/11/2022 12:26

@notwavingbutdrowning1 which bit is unpleasant?

Sounds more like you think only your opinion is valid.

MrsSquirrel · 30/11/2022 12:38

It's clear she got the drama she wanted and ran off.

Or maybe she has 4 kids, a husband, work and has other things to do besides updating a MN thread.

DangerousAlchemy · 30/11/2022 12:53

MrsSquirrel · 30/11/2022 12:38

It's clear she got the drama she wanted and ran off.

Or maybe she has 4 kids, a husband, work and has other things to do besides updating a MN thread.

Yeah true, but why bother creating a MN post if you aren't going to update for ages? Seems pointless imo

whynotwhatknot · 30/11/2022 13:00

you dont leave an 11 year old outside at night in this weather its neglect-id at least phone the school and tell them your concerns

Msbrodr · 30/11/2022 13:04

I work as a public health nurse and do a lot of safeguarding work. If this is a common occurrence then I would definitely advise that it is a safeguarding concern as parents are not keeping this young person safe. You can phone social care to raise it and they will investigate to make sure the YP is safeguarded.they can support the family either through early help, or more if it is likely to meet thresholds for more intensive support.

Sennelier1 · 30/11/2022 14:33

Most definitely take this up with the parents tonight ánd with the school. This is not normal. And are you supposed to give the girl a meal, so expected you have provided enough for one more child? It's difficult, if you tell the parents you don't agree maybe next time they leave her in the streets till 9.45?

thelonghaul · 30/11/2022 17:57

Get their number from their daughter, phone them and tell them to pick her up.
Then let the school know (assuming you know which school) or contact your local council.

It's a safeguarding issue. The daughter doesn't know you and has been left without food or access to her home (by those responsible for her)

RoyKeaneisRight · 30/11/2022 18:11

thelonghaul · 30/11/2022 17:57

Get their number from their daughter, phone them and tell them to pick her up.
Then let the school know (assuming you know which school) or contact your local council.

It's a safeguarding issue. The daughter doesn't know you and has been left without food or access to her home (by those responsible for her)

Now that's the kind of advice we could have used 2 days ago 🙄

Pinkwithwhite · 30/11/2022 19:19

Op ignore what people have said 😒.
Please give an update and let us know how everything went and if the girl is ok? Even if its a rubbish ending.

Ita like watching a series and then not being able to watch the last episode 😂 (I clearly have no life!)

DunkingMyDonuts · 30/11/2022 20:56

RoyKeaneisRight · 30/11/2022 18:11

Now that's the kind of advice we could have used 2 days ago 🙄

Show quote history

😂😂 yes, another pearl of wisdom that we have all been waiting with baited breath for 😂

wildchild554 · 30/11/2022 21:17

@Serrina no it's cause she wants to stay out longer with her friend and when it's time for her to go home that's when the excuses come out but her friends mum, also my friend also has a young toddler as well and it impacts on routine so that's why come 5.30 she wants her to go home and then the excuses come out as to why she can't go home.

Blueskybird · 01/12/2022 10:17

CustardySergeant · 29/11/2022 22:56

Blueskybird, "March her back on the dot"?* *The girl won't still be at the OP's house! She started the thread yesterday.

No I just meant that’s what I would do!

potchy · 01/12/2022 21:07

Fuck sake, this was never updated?

Whateverusername · 02/12/2022 08:40

So what happened 🤷🏻‍♀️

LadyEloise1 · 02/12/2022 09:02

@RosesAndUnicorns I'm wondering why there is no update ?

Prinnny · 02/12/2022 11:08

Probably because the post was some saddo’s evening entertainment or it was some huge anticlimax reasonable explanation that could have been established right from the off if OP had followed posters advice and simply contacted the parents 🙃

Autumn61 · 03/12/2022 01:31

RosesAndUnicorns · 28/11/2022 19:55

Well not even ‘here’ but on the street really

DD11 went out with her friends earlier and came back with one of them who lives two streets over to play in her room
Fine, happens all the time
A few minutes ago I said to this child that one of us would walk her some soon as we had to do homework, showers etc ready for tomorrow, to which she said ‘oh my mum & dad won’t be home till 9:45 I can’t get in till then’
So she has to stay here until DDs usual bedtime because her parents aren’t in!

AIBU to be totally shocked! If this girl hadn’t come into my house to play I’d have called DD in and she would’ve been out on the street alone until 9:45!

I haven’t said to her that she has to leave or anything because honestly, something similar happened to me once as a child and the parents of my friend made it very clear they were furious and I felt so awkward and unwanted, so I’ve made them a hot chocolate and put Netflix on for them
But I am a little bit furious! This is not my child to be responsible for like this!

In November! After double checking that there is no one at home then Social services need to be aware of this. Ffs it’s dark at 4pm and effing cold

Wildyone · 06/12/2022 13:22

No, she isn't at immediate risk of harm at all. You are misinformed on what police can actually do. At the most it'd be a welfare check, non urgent as she's clearly in a safe space, albeit i fully appreciate without consent from the lady posting. She's 11 not 5. The person posting the initial query is doing right by informing school.

Mikawill · 11/12/2022 21:58

I would try to find out a little more before making any calls. There can be a few tactful questions when your husband walks her home. It is good that you were kind and welcoming as it sounds like she could use some support. If you confirm that she is truly on her own until 9 or 10 at night that may be the time to take action. That is neglect, and puts her in a dangerous situation.

Mikawill · 11/12/2022 22:05

If she has a key and can get in the house it is kind of a different situation. Some 11 or 12 year olds do stay alone safely for a few hours. But she should certainly not be waiting outside or walking down the street at almost ten o'clock that night. If she is staying on her own until her parents get home she should have strict safety rules and follow them. They should not include visiting friends unless an arrangement is made between her parents and theirs.

BatshitBanshee · 11/12/2022 23:13

Mikawill · 11/12/2022 21:58

I would try to find out a little more before making any calls. There can be a few tactful questions when your husband walks her home. It is good that you were kind and welcoming as it sounds like she could use some support. If you confirm that she is truly on her own until 9 or 10 at night that may be the time to take action. That is neglect, and puts her in a dangerous situation.

This happened in November @Mikawill , so I'd say the girl is home by now. OP has scarpered though so I doubt this was as dramatic as originally made out.