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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents I’ve never met have gone out and left their child here?

341 replies

RosesAndUnicorns · 28/11/2022 19:55

Well not even ‘here’ but on the street really

DD11 went out with her friends earlier and came back with one of them who lives two streets over to play in her room
Fine, happens all the time
A few minutes ago I said to this child that one of us would walk her some soon as we had to do homework, showers etc ready for tomorrow, to which she said ‘oh my mum & dad won’t be home till 9:45 I can’t get in till then’
So she has to stay here until DDs usual bedtime because her parents aren’t in!

AIBU to be totally shocked! If this girl hadn’t come into my house to play I’d have called DD in and she would’ve been out on the street alone until 9:45!

I haven’t said to her that she has to leave or anything because honestly, something similar happened to me once as a child and the parents of my friend made it very clear they were furious and I felt so awkward and unwanted, so I’ve made them a hot chocolate and put Netflix on for them
But I am a little bit furious! This is not my child to be responsible for like this!

OP posts:
user143677433 · 28/11/2022 20:31

So she is on contact with her parents? I.she has texted them?

Get the number from her and phone them.

My guess is miscommunication- she’s told them where she is and that she’s OK to stay a while with hot chocolate and Netflix so no they don’t have to rush home.

Starrylight · 28/11/2022 20:31

Just ask her for their number and ring them to say she's at yours and you need to get your kids to bed. So are they picking her up very soon? Did you see the text she said they sent?

6demandingchildren · 28/11/2022 20:31

I would actually speak to the child, as you need to know she isn't pulling the wool over your eyes, then report as she should be at home safe, I would also tell her that if this ever happens again what to do, I would let her know she could always come to you if you are willing.

sheepdogdelight · 28/11/2022 20:33

I'm also betting she told her parents it was fine for her to stay at yours.
Either that or her parents think she has a key and she's lost it.

I'm certainly hoping they didn't think she'd just be out in the street until 9.45pm

wonderstuff · 28/11/2022 20:35

I’d call childrens services and report.

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/11/2022 20:37

I would report it, too. Where did they think she was going to spend the evening?

CrapBag39 · 28/11/2022 20:37

Children’s services will do nothing about this. You need to speak to the parents. Ask for their number and tell them to come and pick up their child.

Starrylight · 28/11/2022 20:37

To be honest OP unless you actually ring the parents you have no idea of what's going on? They might have had an emergency and she was told she could play out but had to head to a neighbours of theirs by say 8pm. She could very well have texted to say she's okay to stay at yours and they thought, great!

Ithastobeacbeebiesday · 28/11/2022 20:38

It could be the child wanting to stay and telling them she’s allowed until 9.45 🤔 I think you need to find out first if it’s crossed wires. If it’s not and they leave her out alone until that time, it needs to be reported.

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 28/11/2022 20:38

I can’t understand why you’ve not asked for her parent’s number and just called them.

BrutusMcDogface · 28/11/2022 20:39

I agree that you should phone the parents. Just say, your daughter is here and I need to put my younger kids to bed, what time can they pick her up? Just to be clear that the girl isn’t pulling a fast one.

Teadrinkingmumofone · 28/11/2022 20:40

I wouldn't be waiting till they're home. Call 101 or try and call the parents. It's ludicrous and surely it's just neglect. If you'd not taken her in where would she be? Out on the street in the cold and dark?

dotdotdotdash · 28/11/2022 20:41

I would be calling the parents. Don’t confront them but ask when the child will be collected/ go home. Out of earshot of the child. Better to know what’s going on with them

Suemademedoit · 28/11/2022 20:43

I wouldn’t be doing any reporting if anything to anyone before I’d spoken to the parents myself. Mostly I’d be pissed odd that anyone has just assumed I’m available for take childcare. But that may not be the case here. She’s an 11yo with a phone. Who knows what’s going on.

Once yours are in bed, ask the girl for her parents’ number. If she’s reluctant to give it, scope her out. Maybe she’ll get into trouble; maybe she’s been fibbing. Then take it from there.

Fleurdaisy · 28/11/2022 20:43

RosesAndUnicorns · 28/11/2022 20:00

She seemed to know they weren’t home and when I said we would walk her soon she text them and they said they wouldn’t be back until 9:45, I didn’t ask where they were tbh, I was so surprised!

Call the parents and ask where they are and where their daughter should be?
Maybe she’s usually left in the house alone ( which isn’t right) and the girl doesn’t want to be alone so would rather stay at yours?
And where would they both be together until such a specific time?

Starrylight · 28/11/2022 20:43

Even if you called 101 the very first thing they would ask would be... 'have you rung her parents?' Confused

dotdotdotdash · 28/11/2022 20:44

You’re very kind to think of her feelings (making her feel welcome). Neglected children have a very difficult time emotionally.

SheWoreYellow · 28/11/2022 20:44

I agree, it would be good to check the child’s story in a casual sort of way.
Could you say, ‘just checking you know she’s here’ and see how the conversation goes.

And then phone school tomorrow if it isn’t a mixup/child trying it on.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 28/11/2022 20:45

Are you sure she's not just supposed to be in by herself? Why wouldn't she have a key?

PinkSyCo · 28/11/2022 20:46

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 28/11/2022 20:38

I can’t understand why you’ve not asked for her parent’s number and just called them.

Too easy that init. 🙄

Original poster
RosesAndUnicorns · 28/11/2022 20:47

Ok I’ve spoken to the girl again now my younger kids are asleep

She doesn’t know me very well so was a bit awkward and one wording me really, but I gathered; they were in when she went out playing in the street, they rang her and said they needed to nip out and was she ok (she was still on the street at this point) she said she was ok, then she didn’t speak to them again until she text and said ‘are you home I’m coming home’ they said no, they’d be home around 9:45, I said what would you have done if you weren’t in here and she said she’d have just waited in the garden
I got the impression it’s not out of the ordinary for her

I won’t be speaking to the parents to tell them off, if she does have a bit of an unpredictable home life I’d like to leave the door open for her to feel safe here and not have the parents hate me so she isn’t allowed, she’s safe and warm here for now and I’ll be speaking to someone at school tomorrow

OP posts:
Maireas · 28/11/2022 20:48

I'm just going to echo what most pp are saying - call her parents!

cansu · 28/11/2022 20:48

Just call them yourself and ask them to come and get her.

getoutof · 28/11/2022 20:49

The fact she's been in contact with them changes it slightly. You don't know why she's told them. Why don't you suggest she rings them to pick her up on the way home? Then you might get a better idea of what's going on?

cansu · 28/11/2022 20:50

I would imagine the school will tell you to report to social care. There should be a number on your council's website.