Page 14 | Parents I’ve never met have gone out and left their child here?

RosesAndUnicorns · 2022-11-28T19:55:05+00:00

Well not even ‘here’ but on the street really DD11 went out with her friends earlier and came back with one of them who lives two streets over to play in her room Fine, happens all the time A few minutes ago I said to this child that one of us would walk her some soon as we had to do homework, showers etc ready for tomorrow, to which she said ‘oh my mum & dad won’t be home till 9:45 I can’t get in till then’ So she has to stay here until DDs usual bedtime because her parents aren’t in! AIBU to be totally shocked! If this girl hadn’t come into my house to play I’d have called DD in and she would’ve been out on the street alone until 9:45! I haven’t said to her that she has to leave or anything because honestly, something similar happened to me once as a child and the parents of my friend made it very clear they were furious and I felt so awkward and unwanted, so I’ve made them a hot chocolate and put Netflix on for them But I am a little bit furious! This is not my child to be responsible for like this!

mommajbird77 · 12/12/2022 06:11

I am curious to what happened? did you ever talk to the girls parents?

AmericanMom1969 · 12/12/2022 18:15

I am not under the problem here. At 11 years old I was expected to have two paying jobs besides going to Junior High School. On Saturday mornings I would catch a ride with my grandmother and sweep the automotive shop, clean the bathroom and mop the office. But every other day of the week I was supposed to be available to babysit a toddler and a 4 year old at a house several blocks from my own, which were both in a bad neighborhood. For example 5 cars were stolen out of my driveway during my childhood. Yet I was still responsible for walking home alone after 11pm, sometimes as late as 1am. Most 11 year Olds are capable of taking care of themselves if they have been raised well.

Hangingoninthere88 · 12/12/2022 19:17

AmericanMom1969 · 12/12/2022 18:15

I am not under the problem here. At 11 years old I was expected to have two paying jobs besides going to Junior High School. On Saturday mornings I would catch a ride with my grandmother and sweep the automotive shop, clean the bathroom and mop the office. But every other day of the week I was supposed to be available to babysit a toddler and a 4 year old at a house several blocks from my own, which were both in a bad neighborhood. For example 5 cars were stolen out of my driveway during my childhood. Yet I was still responsible for walking home alone after 11pm, sometimes as late as 1am. Most 11 year Olds are capable of taking care of themselves if they have been raised well.

Zonder · 12/12/2022 19:37

Most 11 year Olds are capable of taking care of themselves if they have been raised well.

Not being funny but if what you wrote is true I'd say you really weren't raised well. It wouldn't even be legal in the UK. And they call America the land of the free 🤣

Serrina · 12/12/2022 21:34

AmericanMom1969 · 12/12/2022 18:15

I am not under the problem here. At 11 years old I was expected to have two paying jobs besides going to Junior High School. On Saturday mornings I would catch a ride with my grandmother and sweep the automotive shop, clean the bathroom and mop the office. But every other day of the week I was supposed to be available to babysit a toddler and a 4 year old at a house several blocks from my own, which were both in a bad neighborhood. For example 5 cars were stolen out of my driveway during my childhood. Yet I was still responsible for walking home alone after 11pm, sometimes as late as 1am. Most 11 year Olds are capable of taking care of themselves if they have been raised well.

I'm guessing as your username has 1969 in it that's the year you were born. Things have changed a lot since you were 11 years old, and what might have been seen by some as acceptable back in 1980 are not acceptable now. There are strictly laws on child labour nowadays for a start.

Mikawill · 12/12/2022 21:51

In today's world there are many more predators and criminals than in previous decades, and children in the streets at 10 or 11 at night are not safe, particularly in large cities but that is true anywhere. It is reasonable to do what we can to keep kids safe, even if the chances of an assault or abduction are low. If a visiting child leaves your house at night and is injured or killed, part of the responsibility is yours. The mother who posted was right to be concerned. I am sure the situation is resolved now but she was being responsible, not alarmist.

AmericanMom1969 · 13/12/2022 00:09

Well I was the child of drug addled hippies who dumped me off on great grandparents so agreed terrible parenting, but I have had a successful life despite working since I was 11, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I started college at 17 on scholarship and had the terminal degree in my field by my 30th birthday, despite taking time off (several years) to become a mother myself. My 30 year old son has a good government job in aerospace development with security clearance and had $40k saved by his 30th birthday. So I think people are overreacting to an 11 year old being left on her own. Too many parents are too involved in their child's lives. Raise a strong and smart child and have confidence in their abilities to handle the situations life gives them.

Wildyone · 13/12/2022 11:03

Absolutely

LadyEloise1 · 13/12/2022 11:49

The OP @RosesAndUnicorns hasn't come back.

Mikawill · 13/12/2022 15:07

Of course you are right. Many many people have good and successful lives despite less than perfect childhood circumstances. I'm very glad your grandparents were there for you. But the question here was, what does a responsible adult do when someone else's not-ideal situation seems to be dumped in our laps?

AmericanMom1969 · 13/12/2022 19:24

Well it seems the woman in question was a genuine peach and handled the situation as well as was humanly possible. Bless her for what she did. However if she wanted to go further, she might want to get to know the young lady in question better and actually meet her parents. She could then mention her concerns in person. Or she might continue her good behavior by inviting the child for occasional play dates or sleep overs, where she could model good family behavior for the youngster. But as it is, I feel she handled it very well. She might also voice her concerns to her own child, so the kid realizes that she inadvertently put her mom in a difficult spot.

Momof3guys · 13/12/2022 20:13

So when my older boys were in elementary school their friend came over, the mother dropped him off and said she'd be back 9 that night. We got her phone number and bid her farewell. Around 11 pm we tried calling the mother to no avail. The boy informs us that his mom went to Vegas and would probably be back on Sunday (it was Friday night). Ok whatever. Sunday night rolls around and called her a few times. She finally called back and apologized and promised she be in town Monday to pick her son up. Picked my kids up and their friend was still there. We waited with him for an hour and then took him home with us. My aunt's and uncles were very neglectful and on drugs and I remember them leaving our cousins for maybe a week at a time when we were little and I figured it was the same scenario. We kept him for another week before his mom shows up. She asks if we could keep him another week. This kid ended up spending the entire summer vacation with us, we celebrated his birthday by taking him to the movies which he was stoked because he had never been. It was just heartbreaking. It's been about 10 years since then, the boy is doing very well, loves with grandparents and still in touch with my boys. I guess his mom would just leave him at people's houses, go to Vegas for a week or two at a time and that was their life. You never know a child's situation and if you can care for the child, it may be better than surrendering the child as that can be very traumatizing but I understand it's necessary at times.

Jesswaitnsee · 13/12/2022 20:47

Hi this is in response to OP, and the unknown child who came to her house:
When my daughter was about that age and even older (she's 42 now)...this same scenario would occur. This was how I would handle it- and it worked well. Maybe it will help in the future:
Whenever a child would come to visit that I did not know, I would immediately ask for her parents name & number so that I could introduce myself, give them my number, name and address and ask for theirs, and make sure she had permission to be in my house, in a kind but assertive manner. I would let them know what time I, yes I...would be bringing her home and meet them personally. We are now on my time line- if dinner was in the middle, I would ask if she could have dinner with us, then I'd be bringing her home. IF the parent wasn't going to be home until late then I would make the exception and let them know they can pick her up at my house on their way home. BUT ...I would let them know, 9:45 on a school night was truly an exception- my daughters bedtime was at 9:00- so their daughter would be resting until they arrived. I do not judge another's unique situation. (Maybe they work late - I might even offer to have stay with us until they get home on a regular basis) every child ..EVERY CHILD IS OUR CHILD. It takes a village.They may need help.

In this specific case... Some times you have to teach other parents what is exceptable..yes, you do.
Just remembe..the moment ANY child steps in your door you are responsible..and that moment is where you take the initiative. Hope that helps.
P.s. if these are truly neglectful parents...and you see this, then you have to make a very thoughtful decision in the child's behalf with your next action- you may be the one who ultimately saves that life. But, always assume your rules will be respected first, and know the other parent may need help in understanding how those rules affect a child for the better .

Grangran18 · 15/12/2022 04:53

Maybe the girl ran away from home and didn't want to tell anyone. I would be asking more questions to find out what is going on. Then how do know if the parents has really gone and left her. Finally how do we know if something has happen to the parents w or if this has happened before.
Praying that the girl is safe.

sanityisamyth · 15/12/2022 06:33

Grangran18 · 15/12/2022 04:53

Maybe the girl ran away from home and didn't want to tell anyone. I would be asking more questions to find out what is going on. Then how do know if the parents has really gone and left her. Finally how do we know if something has happen to the parents w or if this has happened before.
Praying that the girl is safe.

It happened weeks ago, so I'm sure she's fine ...

HenBob · 16/12/2022 23:13

@Hangingoninthere88 literally died laughing at your response. Thank you 😂😂😂🤣