Parents I’ve never met have gone out and left their child here?

[RosesAndUnicorns]

Well not even ‘here’ but on the street really

DD11 went out with her friends earlier and came back with one of them who lives two streets over to play in her room
Fine, happens all the time
A few minutes ago I said to this child that one of us would walk her some soon as we had to do homework, showers etc ready for tomorrow, to which she said ‘oh my mum & dad won’t be home till 9:45 I can’t get in till then’
So she has to stay here until DDs usual bedtime because her parents aren’t in!

AIBU to be totally shocked! If this girl hadn’t come into my house to play I’d have called DD in and she would’ve been out on the street alone until 9:45!

I haven’t said to her that she has to leave or anything because honestly, something similar happened to me once as a child and the parents of my friend made it very clear they were furious and I felt so awkward and unwanted, so I’ve made them a hot chocolate and put Netflix on for them
But I am a little bit furious! This is not my child to be responsible for like this!

I wouldn’t be dashing off reporting her until you know the whole story. I’ve got a meeting tonight from 6.30 until 9.30 - my kids are home alone and they’ll be fine. Maybe she’s got a key and just doesn’t want to leave yours yet. Hold fire until you know the whole story. If she can get in her home there’s nothing wrong with leaving a secondary school child home alone now and then for part of the evening.

At 11 I’m surprised she doesn’t have a key personally. And just let herself in home when she’s finished. She’s ready for secondary school if not there already. I wouldn’t even walk her home probably unless it was easy to do. My son has to go on the bus to secondary school and goes alone, there and back 45 minutes journey. Often in the dark. He’s year 8 now, but he’s done it since year 7 when he was 11 and 7 months.

Not all 11 year olds have keys. What is the obsession. My 13 year old has a key attached to her school bag for the days I work so she can leave after me and return home. But if she goes out with her friends she never takes it with her ever. But she does text to be collected and I make sure I know where she is and what time she is coming home. She is not allowed out in the dark. So she has to be home from school now before it’s dark or wait at school on the one night she has a club for me to pick her up after work. Last week she walked up to our shopping centre with her friends after school and asked me to pick her up after work from her sister’s primary where I collect her from wrap around. I was fuming she was out on the dark but luckily her friends had walked her to the pick up point and waited with her. I’ve told her in future to wait at the shopping centre where it’s well lit, warm and there is somewhere to sit.

my 10 year old doesn’t have a key yet. She will next year for secondary. She goes out a lot more than her older sister on weekends and after school on lighter nights. She does sometimes text me to ask if she can stay at her friend’s house later than the original plan and I usually ask her to check it’s ok with said friend. I then pick her up. But usually by something like 6pm!!

my 13 and 10 year olds are in bed at 8:30 and lights out by 9! I can’t believe an 11 year old was expected to be out that late. It is usual though not to have contact with the parents once they’re secondary and they organise themselves via text with their friends. Even the 10 year old does this. I know her mum quite well from the school gate over the years and chat to her a lot but don’t actually have her number. I’ve checked with her when I’ve collected my DD that’s she’s ok with her playing at her house when she does and she’s fine with it all.

I’d speak to the parents and see if this is true first as I personally think it’s unlikely that she would be out on the streets and not get in as that’s child neglect

However yes 9.45 is late and to be still outside at 11 years old. But I don’t get the over reactions on this thread. She is in secondary school and in my opinion should already have a key to her home and be able to let herself in alone when she’s coming home. I’d quite happily have left my 11 year old alone of an evening, as long as he had access back in. And actually most of his year group were left alone for various parent nights out, my son wasn’t only due to the fact he also has a 4 year old sister.
The fact she doesn’t have a key is the baffling part, not the fact she’s been left alone in my opinion.

I would have given her the hot choc and netflix as you did, but I would have left her with that and stuck to the stuff that was needed for your own dd - homework, shower, whatever. Lots of parents are like this.

The obsession is otherwise 11 year olds are then waiting in gardens in the dark and cold 😂🤷🏽‍♀️ if they have a key, then hey simply let themselves in, make a sandwich, do their homework and play on the Xbox. The obsession is that it makes life safer and easier all round for everyone involved in the house and stops hordes of mumsnetters telling people to report you to SS 👌🏼🙄

"Who would leave their kid outside without a key so they had to wait in the garden in the cold and dark until that late?"

Welcome to the big, bad world outside your bubble. Of course this happens. And as someone who fosters children and adolescents, this is far from the worst thing that can happen to a child.

I think you've taken the right approach, OP.

………. What?😂

Phone 111? OTT. And judgemental shit stirring. Much better for OP to sort it on a personal level first.

It may be that the Girl told her parents beforehand she will be at yours until 945 And obviously didn’t tell you but of course I will be having a word with them because that’s awful And I would explain to the child that she is welcome to come to my house any time if she is unable to get back home and if it happens again call social services - Obviously don’t tell the child though

Like others have said I would check that she's telling the truth. Maybe do a bit of digging at first to see if this is a regular thing , also is there any siblings ?
Go and knock on her door, (without telling her) and see if anyone answers.
Might be worth asking direct neighbours of her parents if she's usually left alone outside.
If it is a case of her being left out on the streets in the dark and cold I'd say a call to social services is needed.

I wouldn't leave a child to walk back from my house alone in the dark. When my daughter was a teenager we'd always walk or drive friends home if nobody was available. I would have felt awful if something happened to that child after leaving my house alone.

HRFT but will catch up.
came here to say WTF? Where do people get off - honestly? It’s bloody neglectful!

In response to Celtic princess. But it didn’t quote her post.

@RosesAndUnicorns I would tell the child the next time it happens to come to your door, I would have no problem having a child play in my front room until their parents arrive or are home but as a divorced single dad I am just asking for trouble if I did that. The point being, if the child is playing in your front room they are safe and then I would call the police, its all current, happening or not as the case may be and the police can ask the hard questions to the parents to explain themselves.

So what happened? Did the girl go home? Did the parents come back at 9:45? Did you manage to speak to them? What did they say?

It's more a possibility than a child being abandoned in the cold and dark and both her parents being out at the same time when the child had school the next day!

Gosh, I wish I could believe we lived in a country where children weren't abandoned in the cold and the dark and parents didn't go out when their child has school the next day. It must be great to have such an Enid Blyton view of childhood. Sadly though, neglect is common - and some parents working all hours might not have any choice about when they're out or the skills to make alternative provision for their kids.

I'm glad you're concerned, OP. I would be too. The first priority is the child's safety.

And to all those parents happy to leave 11-year-olds to fend for themselves of an evening, this is from a government website:

'The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says:

• children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
• children under 16 should not be left alone overnight
• babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone

Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’.'

It was 4 degrees outside where I live at 6pm yesterday. The thought of an 11 year old out later than that and alone in the dark is terrible. I'm an NHS employee and if this incident was a patient's kid and disclosed to me at work then it would be a no-brainer that I'd need to contact safeguarding.

If you're really that reticent to act in case it's OTT (it's not, this is an indication of neglect), then calling NSPCC and talking through the scenario might be helpful as they can tell you if it was appropriate or concerning and what the next steps should be to protect the child if needed.

The NSPCC don't make the law.

They can issue whatever "guidance" they like but it's pretty meaningless in reality.

Parents are (realistically) only going to be prosecuted if the child is left alone and something horrendous happens and it's proven that an adult being around would have prevented the problem.

The police don't care about 11yo staying home alone for a few hour while they play Xbox and eat pizza.

The NSPCC don't make the law.
They can issue whatever "guidance" they like but it's pretty meaningless in reality.

No, the NSPCC doesn't make the law. But it is quoted on a government website on best practice. That should surely be heeded.

Parents might not be prosecuted for leaving their child alone but they would almost certainly merit a visit from social services.

The police don't care about 11yo staying home alone for a few hour while they play Xbox and eat pizza.

Again – gobsmacked that there are parents on here who think that this is how all children live. There are currently thousands upon thousands of families that can barely afford food and heating. You can forget about pizza and Xboxes for them.

Many are already getting themselves to and from school, on public transport, alone.

indeed. But they’re not hanging around in the garden in the cold and dark until almost 10 at night!