Parents I’ve never met have gone out and left their child here?

[RosesAndUnicorns]

Well not even ‘here’ but on the street really

DD11 went out with her friends earlier and came back with one of them who lives two streets over to play in her room
Fine, happens all the time
A few minutes ago I said to this child that one of us would walk her some soon as we had to do homework, showers etc ready for tomorrow, to which she said ‘oh my mum & dad won’t be home till 9:45 I can’t get in till then’
So she has to stay here until DDs usual bedtime because her parents aren’t in!

AIBU to be totally shocked! If this girl hadn’t come into my house to play I’d have called DD in and she would’ve been out on the street alone until 9:45!

I haven’t said to her that she has to leave or anything because honestly, something similar happened to me once as a child and the parents of my friend made it very clear they were furious and I felt so awkward and unwanted, so I’ve made them a hot chocolate and put Netflix on for them
But I am a little bit furious! This is not my child to be responsible for like this!

A police station open at night? I’ve checked and in whole county there’s 1 station until 8pm (varies by station/day of week) but might be 2 hours drive. Nothing after 8pm.
You’d jump to that not call her mum, check if anyone at her home 5 mins away first?
Op was home alone with several small children. I certainly wouldn’t put an 11 yr old I didn’t know in my car and drive her miles without at least trying her mum. Poor girl would be terrified and could be saying you’d kidnapped her.

My son normally comes & asks can you watch “name” for an hour or 2 while their parents go to the shops or something but never just brings them in & not tell me their parents are going out. It is a bit rude to not ask if you can watch the child. I’ll sometimes nip to the shop if he’s in someone’s house or if he’s out playing & know he won’t be home for a few hours I’ll go do my shopping but I wouldn’t stay out that late & assume someone was going to watch my child everyone has different bedtimes & routines etc I tell my son to come home at 7.30 if he’s at someone’s house & I don’t normally go out after dinner time unless it’s the summer & I’m going a walk or something

I would get the parents number from the child and ring them, asking what's happening. I wouldn't be coy about it. I would politely make it clear that it wouldn't be happening again but I would keep her this time as a one off.

Are you under the impression that the girl has been at the OP's house all night? Her parents were due home at 9.45 last night.

It's madness but happens here too. The ladies on my street have done this to me and their kids are just like 'my mum's not home' but they had left the door open! I wasn't happy to leave the child in the house alone, she is 8! So I kept her with me until they came back for her.

It's like how we were in the 80s and 90s I suppose. We just went out and that was that.

I'm far more protective of mine but honestly think I'm the weird one.

Anyone else think it's the people that post updates all the bloody time are the actual trolls? Those who never come back/update late are probably the most genuine and not trying to keep people on the "hook"

Hope the conversation with school went ok today.

It was the same where we used to live. Lots of DCs were turfed out to play and because they could see our DC in the garden, they'd pop in to play with them. Then they'd knock on the door if my DC weren't out. Sometimes they'd bring their younger siblings too.
Some of the parents worked. Some were completely disinterested.

please report this

I hate to tell you this @CynthiaRothrock but these parents are mugging you off. Been there done that, and would never do it again. We (me and DH,) just got used, and got no thanks - from the parents, OR the children. Ever.

We looked after a multitude of neighbourhood children for parents who weren't arsed to do it themselves, and were often at the pub, or out with their mates, or at work, or they were paying attention to younger siblings, and couldn't be arsed with the older/teen child. And as I say, the parents never thanked us for it.

And in some cases, after a while (around 9 to 15 months,) the particular friend of DD's would fall out with her, and they'd stop coming around, and we never, ever got thanks from her either (for all the months/whole year sometimes or more,) that we had looked after her, fed her, and taken her out on day trips, and out for meals with us.

Sometimes it was not that the parent was not arsed with the child, it was that the child didn't like the rules and regulations in the household, or they wanted to get away from a sibling. They'd say 'I like it here, it's so much calmer and quieter, I can do what I like here blah blah blah......' Then they'd stay til 8pm or 9pm sometimes, and say they couldn't go home as there was no-one there, and they didn't have a key. (If we took them home which was quite often, sometimes there wasn't someone there, and sometimes there was.)

You can be the Chief Carer, Nanny, and Nurse for the neighbourhood children if your like, but as I say, no-one will thank you for it. Parents WILL mug you off. Plus, even if a child has got parents who CBA with them, why is it the responsibility of the parents of their friends to look after them/feed them/sort their problems etc, when they have their OWN children to look after, a job, a home to look after, other family/elderly and ailing parents etc...?

I may be projecting a bit as DH and I were used and mugged off by some many parents for about a decade, (just didn't see it/realise it for ages,) but I have to say, the parents of these children are virtually all mugging you off. You may be OK with that, and if you are then good luck to you. I would never be doing it again though.

When I was 11 I had a friend who told me that her parents didn't feed her, my parents used to give her a lift home from school and she would talk on the way home about all the jobs in the house she had to do. We all felt sorry for her, my mum used to make sure she had some food in the car to give her, me and my friends used to take turns giving her our lunch. Eventually we rang childline and they told us to share our concerns with a teacher, which we did and it all turned out to be lies. She was lonely yes, but not hungry.

No help but this happened to me once, my ex picked my dc up and I had to take a neighbours child to work (aerobics teacher) as her mum had 'gone out'. Said mum was very apologetic and said she really didn't think it would be an issue and hadn't expected me to go to work at such 'an unreasonable time'. Poor child had to sit at reception while I taught my class then come home and sit with just me til mum got back.

My goodness! OP you sound kind and caring - did you manage to chat with the parents or school?

Her story sounds like BS. Who would leave their kid outside without a key so they had to wait in the garden in the cold and dark until that late?

@WibblyWobblyTimeyWimeyStuff 🍪You finished projecting? YOU might not have been thanked but I have. But feel free to carry on making presumptions 🤣 like i said only 1 has taken the piss. And they were firmly put in their place for it!
No i dont have to feed and entertain these kids but i do. I live in one if the worst town for county lines, child abuse and run aways, my daughter wants to to hang out with the mates after school, I'd rather they were where i knew they are safe as opposed to roaming the streets or hanging out at their empty mates house.

ALOT of people, that's who.....
Are people this naive to not know shit like this happens? Either maliciously or through need. It happens. Wake up people.

So... what happened when you dropped their child back?

How is it through need not to give them a key at least?

@Bluekerfuffle a million reasons..... Cost (£7 to have a key cut round here, thats if you can easily get to somewhere that cuts keys)
Organisation. Time to go get it cut. Or simply just not giving a shit. Not deeming the child responsible enough, safer to leave them In the garden than trust them to not fuck with the cooker etc. Cant afford the electricity/gas of them being in the house n having every light on..... 🤷‍♀️
I have worked in education and social care. These really are reasons people Give.....

What happened OP? Think lots of us would be interested to hear.

We were in that situation with a friend of my son. His Dad would drop him off (unarranged) hours before a birthday party, and pick him up hours after. If he stayed over at ours, he would not get picked up at the arranged time but several hours later. It was the same for the whole friend group.

We collectively decided we would just put up with it - this poor boy had a totally crazy father, and providing him with support was more important than reasoning with an irrational adult. At least he was fed and safe while at our house.

Did they expect you to take her home at 9.45pm? That is very odd and unreasonable. Wow

There goes the standard MN presumptions 😂😂😂…..you lot really so make me laugh!

@Shauny098 yes it is a presumption, because the op hasn't been back.
It's hardly a massive assumption when she wouldn't call the parents. It's not a massive leap to jump to when the girls friends bed time is at 9.45 and the girls parents will conveniently arrive back also at 9.45
It's more a possibility than a child being abandoned in the cold and dark and both her parents being out at the same time when the child had school the next day!

Take the child's phone. Call her parents. Get clarity.
If they don't answer, report them.
Ask the child if this happens often.

Then give them hell when they come round! Not in front of the child though.

Tell them you are going to report them. Tell them to fucking get home to pick her up, and not to farm out child care to random strangers!

I think you're being incredibly naive if you think this doesn't happen.