Adult ADHD - anyone else fed up of the constant battle.and of constantly losing it?

[WhoHasMovedMyBrain]

EVery evening I think that the next day will.be different. That I'll do my work, work when I have to, that I won't stuff my face, that I won't be late, that I'll tick off at least one tiny little.thing on.my.to. do.list. and every day I fail. I'm winging life because I've got a very organised and hard working husband, a very supportive family who have always carried me and because I can sort of.work when I'm.in dire straits..just before a deadline comes crashing down. I'm.so.fed up of the constant stress,.the constant self loathing, constantly underperforming, constantly fighting a losing battle. I feel.as.if..im.wasting my life away.

My psychiatrist is happy to prescribe meds but before.that I need to.make an appointment with my gp to get some blood tests done and I just can't do it. I can't.make the appointment to.do.the blood tests. I mean how stupid can you get?

And now I'm so late to.pick up DC that I can't have a shower. Though I've been looking forward to.it all day.

I know.im.lucky and. I've got it better than most so.i hate complaining but I hate my brain..I don't care if it's ADHD or.if I'm.just lazy, crazy and stupid but i hate being this way.

Can anyone relate?

@froggedup do you mind me asking which medication you're on? I'm due to start Atomoxetine but this is really scaring me, I don't manage well with nausea. I have the pills but only just got them so thought I'd try them at the weekend. I have anti nausea tablets as well, what sort of meals are you having?

I feel stupid but 'have it with protein' really doesn't make it clear how much and what foods are good.

Also, I'm toying with taking it at night as I've read that some do that and it works for them

Actually, many times ADHD is wrongly diagnosed as depression 🫠

@tobee I've only just found this thread so sorry if someone else has already said this, but I recently got diagnosed, found out I have high blood pressure, tor stable on BP meds and am due to start non-stimulants for ADHD. Just so you know, it's possible to still have medication if you want to try it

sorry @NotAnotherBathBomb I didn't mean to worry you! I take Delmosart - long release methylphenidate - and I've never experienced nausea, it just makes me need the loo very urgently about half an hour/an hour after taking it, which isn't ideal when I'm running out the door to go to work etc. It does dull my appetite a bit which is why I try and have a larger breakfast.

I've started having it with a protein shake and a piece of toast - apparently ADHDers are supposed to have a good amount of protein in the morning as it supposedly helps with mental clarity (I do agree with this). UFIT ones are good with 23g protein and are relatively inexpensive. Porridge is good too, and sausages (on the weekends 😁). Don't worry too much about the nausea, is this your first time trialling ADHD meds?

Georg.
The gp said he saw no point in a diagnosis as it would have limited pluses.
He referred to a wellbeing team for coping strategies instead.
he said that whilst he cannot diagnos it is blaringly evident that I have it and he saw little point.
He was refusing , i think to enter the discussion . Does it cost the gp a lot of money for diagnosis? He told me there was a 2 year wait , that I've coped so long ( got harder as I thrived in a high stress career) that ut wasnt worth it . I must admit that I didnt feel i had the power to insist? I also have a medical issue under investigation and I guess that felt priority to gp ?

I also dont feel he took it seriously. Old fashioned , rural gp .

Medical issues will be taking priority at the moment at the NHS is buckling, adult ADHD diagnoses cannot come before serious medical conditions.

*as the NHS

I don't have adhd but i feel the same, especially this part:

That I'll do my work, work when I have to, that I won't stuff my face, that I won't be late, that I'll tick off at least one tiny little.thing on.my.to. do.list.

I think an element of it is that having children changed my perspectives and priorities and i really struggle to see my job responsibilities the way i used to. When i was 28 work things seemed so important, the older i get the more i have this semi conscious sense that no one dies if that accounting report isn't filed on time and so i struggle to focus as much on it.

Yes i understand why he did not give priority to adhd. But i am burning pans ( have set tea towels on fire twice , and melted my specs!)

I have done the same, so I now wait with them until they start to boil and turn them down then set a timer on the Alexa or my mobile to remind me to check on them.

I'm highly motivated to be as the consequences of not being a good mum are too severe

2. Little kids demand what they need so I don't have to use my own initiative.

I need a job like that. In mine I can cruise for months before suddenly having everything crashing down because of deadlines.

Before the kids were born I used to work till late in the evening and every weekend and I still just got stuff done before deadlines. Now I can't do that anymore. I can't work in the evenings or on the weekend. I still try and do some work in the night at times.

I could have written this whole section & i don't even have adhd!!

@hidethenips thanks for that info. I'm going to be starting non stimulants as I have high BP, and I've read that nausea is a side effect, but that protein helps offset it. I have lots of porridge at home so should be a good start! I'll also look into the other thing you said

I have just found this thread while mooching through MN instead of working. I relate to so much that people have said here.

@WhoHasMovedMyBrain I can sort of work when I'm in dire straits, just before a deadline comes crashing down. I'm.so.fed up of the constant stress,the constant self loathing, constantly underperforming, constantly fighting a losing battle. I feel.as.if..im.wasting my life away.

This is how I feel every day. Every night I go to bed berating myself for my lack of progress with work and study, and every night I say tomorrow will be different.

Today I printed off some research papers I should have read, but haven't, I printed them, so that should be enough, right? I then spent two hours watching crap on YouTube. Browsed through MN. I had a snooze and then more internet browsing. I have spent the last three hours pretending to study. I will inevitably go to bed tonight feeling like crap that I have once again achieved nothing today, but tomorrow will be different!.

I was diagnosed with dyslexia a year ago but I feel many of my issues relate more to ADHD.

I'm back to work today, and realising how much I struggle to focus. The overwhelm on everything is so massive. I have to break everything down into tiny chunks of work in order to do anything.

You realise how much you've been masking and struggling once you know what you're dealing with. How even the simplest tasks are too much when you reach that state of overwhelm/overstimulation.

That's when everything looks too big to handle.

I've skipped from page 6 to the end as I can't concentrate on this many pages of comments even though I am interested (it also means if I sit and read them all I will end up with zero ability to do anything for hours after). Apologies if this has already been mentioned.

I'm not diagnosed but suspect I have it. A great source I found (mainly to help validate my feelings of having ADHD and see what some of my struggles are) is The ADHD Adults Podcast. The hosts run a charity www.adhdadult.uk and explain different aspects of ADHD and how they have found ways to try to help. Each episode is a different subject- there is an episode on perimenopause for those who have mentioned their symptoms have worsened during this time.

I never had the concentration for podcasts before this one, especially as my mind wanders and 3 mins later I have no clue what they're talking about and have to constantly skip back. It's frustrating to constantly find the point where I was at BUT as it's a podcast hosted by people with ADHD they break it in to 3 sections so if I make it to the end of one part I don't feel like a failure! I tend to put it on while I'm doing housework, commuting or having a hyperfocus day of peeling paint of walls (or something random)!

If podcasts aren't your thing there are resources on the website.

Ooh I might give that a listen! Or I might put it on one of many lists of things to watch and listen to and read that I never consolidate or get to 😂 I also struggle with podcasts that are too long.

Also with you on the length of MN posts! When someone goes 'DID YOU READ THE FULL THREAD!!!!' Um...no lol. The filter options for the OP's posts have been a godsend, but no RandomUsername58263, I'm not reading every single post before replying to your twatty comment just in case someone else already put you in you place! I wouldn't even remember the username to come back to 😂

I wish the "read all" option for OP posts was available on the MN app. You can't always read the entire thread, especially when it's a frother or a drip feed.

It is! Click 'filter' it's the same thing

THANK YOU! 🤓

Oh. I don't seem to have that option. I'm an android user.

I thought it was only your psychiatrist who dealt with your meds till you had got the right ones and right level.
Interesting starting on 5mg dexamphetamine.
People I know have those as top up pills when you are taking the top amount of Elvanse.

Always thought though they were similar to a low dose of Elvanse
Although I find I am ok with 2x5g dexamphetamine as a top up to my 70mg of Elvanse. (I do need more meds) but whilst I have taken accidentally 2 x 70mg Elvanse (I did feel incredibly productive that day)
I find my heart raced but without any clearer thoughts when I was tried on 3 dexamphetamine

Lions Mane has been incredibly good as an extra help.

I that's so bizarre! I find the app features severely lacking and have mentioned it on site stuff numerous times but they don't seem to care. I find the app so much more accessible so I don't know why they don't put a bit more into it

I just use the mobile site on Chrome on android. Although I've swapped to adblock browser just for MN as it makes my phone so hot!