To think many parents are subsidised by their parents at Christmas?

[EveryoneIsIll]

As I get older, it seems a lot of friends are getting financial help with everything from school trips to clubs or tutors, through to holidays and days out (in some cases so the grandparents can have time with their grandkids but sometimes not). Christmas also - whether that’s buying the turkey, the big ticket gifts or whatever.

It’s not my experience so it can leave me wondering if this is most people’s experiences, only it’s just not spoken about?

My mother helps us out when she can. I'm grateful for any help.

Yes exactly ! My aunt and uncle pay for things all round for my 2 cousins - nursery fees, car tax, house deposit. It's a never ending supply of hand outs and has been for the past 25 years since they had kids.

I’ve never been in a position to financially support my adult children, which I used to feel a bit crap about. Then a few years ago my Son-in-Law (who’s parents are comfortably off) said ‘my parents give us money but you give us your time’ and it was lovely to know that what I can do is valued and appreciated.

Crikey, that's bloody tight. It's no wonder they are well off.

I am widowed and help my young adult kids out a lot financially, neither of them are house/flat owners yet. One of them is still waiting for the oil help, I wish the government would hurry up as temperatures have really dropped.

I don't get any help but I'm constantly subsidising my brother & sister.
Their children's birthdays and Christmas are financial shocks to them every year 🤣

I live in the south east and yep loads of people are helped by parents and are very quiet about it.

Everything from paying nursery bills, private school fees, paying for holidays, buying coats & school uniform, buying bikes & other expensive gifts.

Mine have helped us get on the property ladder and always buy lovely gifts for our children. Its never asked for but offered and they see how hard working we are and they are in a position to help. On the flip side, they are not near enough to do childcare whereas other grandparents save parents thousands of pounds with childcare alone. Each family is different and I hope I can help out my children in the future - providing they deserve it i.e. work hard themselves! I think alot of grandparents see the pressure parents are under these days (2 parents working (sometimes several jobs), massive mortgages/rent prices, cost of living etc) and want to help out where they can.

Not here. My parents couldn't afford to even if they wanted to. one of 4 and in low paying jobs.

We have always paid our own way

Nope. My parents helped out with some big-ticket items when my twins were born. They paid for the double pram, two cots and two moses baskets, which we were very grateful for. Now they just get each of them a single present for christmas. It tends to be one of the larger items on the list, one of the 40-50 quid ones.

My parents never offered a penny. My mother bought DD1 a baby dress from Asda just after she was born and a dozen terry nappies when I was pregnant — that was it. They were not poor. My mother told me I’d made my bed ( by getting pregnant as a teenager ) so I could lie on it
Because of my experience I maybe go a bit OTT and contribute to school trips, activities, school uniform etc… Also give DDs £50 or so each towards Christmas food shop. I don’t expect thanks or gratitude, I like to do it.

My mum lent me a fiver in 1997, does that count? She still whines about it, although I paid her back a few days later.
My PILs died before my kids were born, and had no money at all, but were very helpful and supportive in practical ways to their other grandchildren. My parents might have helped with something once, but I forget what, and it would only have been once.

This year my dad is helping me by donating some nearly new electronic items that he doesn't need any more for kids presents. I'm counting every penny this year.

I am a single parent with 3 young children and am struggling financially at the moment so my mum does like to try to help when she can. She might pay for the odd day out, or buy some new clothes for the kids, school shoes etc when needed if I am particularly struggling that month.

Why do people need to be transparent about it? It’s not your business where other people get their money from and how they can afford things.

but I do agree, some of us are very fortunate to get family help. Whether it is interest free loans, big financial gifts and free childcare. I know my mum and in laws completely spoil my son. I’m actually embarrassed at the amount of stuff he has

Nope. We help our parents out financially

I should point out that I’ll be paying it forward. I’m saving so that I’ll be able to pay for my son to have his first flat

I'm not sure if it's so centred around Christmas but I would say there is definitely an element of parents subsiding a lot for their adult dc. My sister sold a flat to a cash buyer who bought it for their two 30 something dc.

I've noticed it since I have dc, lots of people have help with moving up the ladder, renovations, holidays, school fees, etc.

I don't know anyone who bought without help including myself.

My parents help out one of my siblings all year round abuse she doesn't earn much but myself and other sibling haven't needed help for many years.

Why do people need to be transparent about it? It’s not your business where other people get their money from and how they can afford things.

I see this point but I suppose it's a hidden privilege & can often make more of a difference that someone's actual job/salary. I think it would be disingenuous for me to say I worked & saved hard to get on the property ladder. I did but it would have been in vain without a cash gift.

Not just Christmas. In the private school I teach in, a quarter of fees are paid by grandparents.

I think I only know one person who has been financially set up by her parents. Her house, which is actually too small for her now and she has been furious that they wouldn't help her buy a bigger one, was a gift from her parents.

Her car has also been serviced at her parents' cost and she even has a fuel card from her dad's business (despite never having worked there).

However, she didn't speak to her mum for well over a year after she admitted she could no longer afford to keep her DS at private school. GPs had paid for him to attend prep school as they had been unsuccessful getting a place at the primary his mum wanted. GPs understanding was that he would then move on to one of the excellent state secondaries. Mum had mistakenly seen it as an offer to fund his education through to 18.

Her parents now have 12 grandchildren. That would have been a lot of school fees!

Of course I know others who have been helped with a deposit, or given something towards a new car etc. But not constantly.

I think your post is meant for young people here?

I am not a granny (yet) but I have adult children in their 30s.

I am not buying them food for Xmas.

We have helped them with early, small inheritances towards houses , paid some uni fees years ago, and stuff like that.

No turkeys though.

@MilkyYay I am in southeast where keeping up with Joneses alive and kicking. I think many, many people are subsidised.
I think this is something that is telling about British culture and that is interesting to me. That’s why I’m interested.

We let grandparents buy the more expensive Christmas presents because it we didn't they'd still spend the same amount, but on lots of bits and pieces of tat. They seem to forget our house isn't as big as theirs.. Our children are still babies though (under 5) so not sure how it'll go when they're older and the big ticket items cost more. I wouldn't be shocked if they wanted to pay for big family holidays in the next couple of years though, MiL is dying to go away with us.